Stone cold sober
by moxie sauce
Summary: Penelope isn't sober. Not now not ever. Well, never say never. Add that to the weird anti-sex pro-blood thing she's sporting and she's practically a new woman. Aw sh*t.
1. I think my liver's dying

I pulled a face in the mirror. The same face I saw on Mary when I'd accidentally walked in on her having some *_ahem_* quality time with a certain Jack Rice. I had obviously backed out pretty quickly before they'd noticed me (or so I thought). Even with his fingers in surprisingly dubious places Mary never really did miss anything. She'd pulled me aside when I was trying to wrangle a ride in the same cab as some random business man. Hey! No shame! I needed to get to Florence's place ASAP before my parents called again to check up on me. Flo had helped bluff me out of trouble when my parents had done their routine check up call a mere half-hour before by saying I was in the shower but still, I needed to call back before they got suspicious.

My head was still a little vodka addled. I blamed my alcohol addiction for the fact that I even attended this piss-poor excuses for every guy out their to load up a girl of their choice on the good stuff before having his wicked way with her that they called a party. Sounds like a good starter relationship to you? Yeah... All boys were good for was the fact that they bought you drinks when you were out of money.

I blame the hard drink going through my system for the admittedly weird conversation I had with Mary a second later.

She'd begged me not to tell anyone about Jack since he was dating Lucy. I waved off her concerns and gave her my word before I started spouting off rubbish.

"Mary mary mary..." I murmured, swinging an arm around her shoulders. "You are really pretty but you know something?"

I normally wasn't this bad when I drunk but it had a sort of truth-serum esque effect on me. Something I could normally control but for some reason my mouth and brain felt like doing a few skipping rope jumping jack squat thrust suicides while they had to power to fuck around...

Mary looked at me, "Um... Penelope. How much have you drunk?" She asked gently.

I waved away her concerns with a lazy hand. "I snaffled a couple of the absolutes when Jamie boy wasn't look but the champagne was the sticking point." I bared my teeth in what I hoped resembled a grin, "His parents have taste."

Mary watched me in disbelief. "How are you still standing?"

"Easily honey bunny." Then I decided the time for my actual request had come.

"Look Mare Bear," She seemed confused by the nickname but motioned me to continue. "As you probably already know I have to sex appeal of a grapefruit. I was just wondering if you could help me out."

She looked even more confused if that was possible. "Um.. okay?"

I looked her square in the eye. "How do you do that thing where you throw your head back and moan and look like a fucking playboy spread and shit?"

"Oh!" She blushed wildly, "Um... maybe I could show you later or something?"

Is it just me who though that reply sounded downright suggestive? Or maybe I should just get my brain out of the gutter.

"Sure thing sugar sticks."

I climbed into the business man's cab without a word. I looked over at him; forty-ish, expensive gym membership I was guessing and no girlfriends. Probably works too hard to spare time for one.

"Sorry, but I need to get back and sober up before my parents call."

He nodded briefly at me and I realised that he was trying to be polite by not kicking me out of the cab.

"Hey love, where you off to?" The cabbie yelled back.

"Take me to South Ken station. I can't at present remember my address but I'll wander for a bit and hopefully that'll jog my memory."

Ha! That was a lie! I knew exactly where Flo's house was. Plus it was't even my house we were going to. Keeping in mind I was in a cab with a random guy I didn't know I didn't need to loose all my common sense.

I spared the silent business man a brief smile.

"Sorry for this." I apologised again.

He simply spared me a think smile.

"You kids..." I said in that disapproving that was so obviously taking the mick.

I laughed slightly. "Good to know the old still have some sense of humour." I shot back.

"You damned punks get off my lawn!" He put on a ridiculous old shaky voice.

I laughed even harder. Then watched as his face slowly grew concerned.

I wasn't sure what to say so I kept silent.

He did too.

Just as I was about to leave the cab he stopped me and gave me his suit jacket.

"Lots of perverts out there." He said firmly, wrapping it around my shoulders. "Be careful."

I was touched. Truly truly touched. Damn, he had more chivalry than all the boys in my year put together.

"Thanks," I murmured before alighting the cab. I was proud that I only stumbled twice in my grey studded wedged pumps. The slight london night breeze made my scrap of a shirt flutter and my skirt was in some desperate need of some tugging down. I sighed at my outfit but the it _was _the surefire way to get let in to any party so I could stock up on my poison. Currently my clutch contained a nice bottle of bombay sapphire that I planned to help keep me going while my parents dragged me to their secluded little island paradise somewhere off Alaska. Yeah my parents are rolling in it? So what? I would have been this alcohol dependent either way. It was depressing me to face the fact that I couldn't blame my issue on parents problems like any other self-respecting rich fuck-head of a teen.

"Hey darlin'" The old homeless man leered at me, "Fancy sparing some change." He looked me up and down. "Or anything else?"

I sighed. All breath coming out in a huff to conceal the fact that my heart was thudding and I was scared shitless. Any mention of sex had that effect on me.

"Don't do freebies love." I retorted before sweeping away.

I can't even begin to explain the relief I felt when he took a hike and hobbled away.

But still...

I stumbled even faster towards Flo's house. I know I should have taken off my shoes but liquid courage does that to ya.

I had barely knocked before the door was flung open and Flo ushered me inside. She took in my outfit in a glance before shaking her head good naturedly and leading me downstairs for a snack.

She handed me a packet of chocolate bourbons before watching amusedly as I stuffed around seven unceremoniously into my mouth at once.

The her eyes narrowed. She grasped a sleeve of the suit jacket I still had on.

"What or rather who does this belong too." She looked at me then and I saw a spark of realisation in her eye.

"Did you?" She began gingerly.

I scoffed, "If your wondering if I fucked a business man and took his coat than the answer's no. He was nice enough to give it to me. And I didn't fuck him." I added as an afterthought.

Flo nodded. She then sighed suddenly, "Maybe if you met someone?"

"NO!" I just about snarled before softening my tone, "No Flo.. Sex.. I just..." I buried my head in my hands, "I don't know.

I actually didn't now.

I hated sex. Hated to think about it. Hated to even touch myself in anyway.

I was still a fourteen year old virgin. May not sound like a big deal but when people left right and centre were loosing it it becomes a pretty big deal.

I snorted quietly to myself. With the clothes I wore and the amount I drank. The parties I went to everyone had assumed...

But I couldn't even think about it.

There was no reason. Just plain nothing.

Flo nodded; for someone who had lost it to the boyf about a month previously she was pretty understanding.

I think she also forgot pretty often that I as only fourteen. She as well as most of my fellow classmates was already sixteen. Due to some fucked up cut off dates and just weird birthday dates I managed to be a whole two years younger than most of my year.

Talk about growing up fast.

Add that to the fact that sex had some sort of kryptonite effect on me in a _really _bad way just made for a social pariah situation.

The only thing that saved my reputation was the fact that I partied. And I partied _hard._ I wasn't bad to look at either so everything was good in la la happy land.

Plus I always had Flo and some normal non- lil' wayne worshippers to hang out with.

I was pretty set.

I just had to spend three weeks on a "holiday paradise" with my loving parents. Or rather an uncharted privately owned island with almost no human contact with two clueless people who didn't realise that I needed a shot of something strong every morning to stop my hands from shaking.

I admit, I was pretty worried about what would happen if I continued the way I was and I was pretty much counting down the days to when my liver failed.

I never really blacked out and I had pretty good tolerance for someone who wasn't even supposed to have started.

That was good when the adults came to check up on me since I could fake being stone cold sober.

Bad because when I _did_ feel like getting shitfaced it took twice as long with triple the amount of alcohol.

I tossed and tried to get to sleep. I punched my pillow and turned it over to get the cold side. No use.

I watched Flo sleep for a little. Chest rising and falling. Eyelashes fluttering. Bitch looked like a goddamn angel. The boyfriend was lucky to have her. I reached and groped around my bag for a while to find the bottle of bombay. I uncapped it quietly and took a swig.

I smacked my lips a bit and felt the familiar minute heaviness settle on me.

I took another large gulp before settling down.

That night my dreams were full of Mary's screaming face and the nice man with the jacket.


	2. Fight to win or drink

I shouldered my camping backpack full of everything I would need, which was mainly clothes and washing stuff, and tried to force myself to accept the fact that I'd be going cold turkey for three weeks (save for the emergency bottle of Smirnoff Flo had slipped me. Gotta love that girl. However that was for strict emergencies.). I'd already finished the bombay. Stupid me and really stupid me was now was destined for severe withdraws. Lovely stuff right there.

"We're here miss." The ferry driver yelled back to me.

"Thanks doll." I yelled back. I then turned to glare at my fate.

Gross.

The middle-aged seaman tipped his hat at me. "You have yourself a good time now."

"As if." I muttered, too quietly for him to hear.

I stepped off the boat and to be honest was pretty surprised that over-bearing parent number one wasn't around to try and suffocate me. But I could see the lights in the house glimmering from the end of the short pier and began the small walk forwards.

It was then that I first saw it.

Ebony coloured. Big. Sleek. Saliva dripping from it's jaws and sightless eyes fixed on me.

"Fuck my life." I murmured.

I had watched enough movies to know what came next. I had watched enough movies to know what the characters normally did before they died.

So I did the opposite. It stalked closer and closer and I did the same to it.

"Hey sweetie." I whispered. I blamed the alcohol in my system for my erratic actions.

I knew most creatures could smell fear so I called upon the last of the liquid courage in my veins and I managed to quell the fear entirely.

I saw the creature cock it's head slightly at my cam demeanour. Assuming it could sense that.

"You're a pretty baby aren't you." I whispered again. "Yes you are."

I reached into my pocket for my pocket knife. These things couldn't be killable and there was no fucking way I was gonna die.

I was a fourteen year old fucking alcoholic!

So I ran for it.

It seemed surprised that I was running towards it and made a strange hissing noise. My backpack me slowing me down slightly but I wasn't on the school athletics team for nothing. Plus I needed the backpack as a shield just in case. True to form I saw it's spiked tail whip towards me and I managed to get my bag in the way just in time. It pierced my bag and screamed in displeasure.

I the decided it was time to take my tiny pocket knife and do something very stupid.

I jumped on it's back.

Stupid?

Yes.

Dangerous?

Definitely.

Worthwhile?

Yes. Fuck yes.

Before it had time to throw me off with it's weird hand things I shoved down on the unprotected section between it's weird helmet head and it's neck with my minute knife.

Hard.

The thing squealed in displeasure but I din't give it a change to recover I stabbed again.

And again.

And again.

I dragged my knife across when it was in the thing's neck.

It gave a shuddering gaspy sound and sank down.

But it wasn't dead.

Far from it.

It seemed it's acidic blood had also had a wonderful time in melting down my knife.  
So I did the only thing my adrenaline filled mind thought to do.

I grabbed it's thrashing tail and before it could recover I stabbed it down into it's neck and dragged it across in a smooth motion.

The monster's head came clean off and rolled away but the body was still twitching slightly.

The acid was eating away at the pier making it unstable.

So I grabbed what was left of the body and hauled it to a safer part.

I then grabbed my bag and the head.

I took the spiky end of the tail and used it to slice to tail clean of it's body. It would make a great weapon if there were any more of those monsters.

I grabbed the head and wondered if I could use it as some kind of shield.

So far I realised I was running on alcohol to give me strength. Now that I was sobering up I soon realised I'd actually have to deal with my emotions which were gonna be verging on hysterical.

Fuck a duck this was an emergency.

I dug around in my bag for the bottle of Smirnoff and took a long drink.

Instantly everything got shut away.

"Sweeeeeeeeeeet." I whispered before shouldering the backpack and the skull and advancing towards the house.

I knew my parents weren't gonna be alive.

I knew it.

But seeing them dead.

Especially with their chests all burst and shit just... just.. I turned my head and grabbed a good old sharp steak knife from a drawer before giving both my deceased 'rents a kiss.

"I love you both." I murmured as I backed away.

I was under no illusions that the house might have another one of those things in it so I decided then and there that the house couldn't and wouldn't remain standing.

I knew we had some tanks of spare boat fuel in the laundry room.

I also knew where the barbecue lighter was.

I smirked in my alcohol induced daze.

"Motherfuckers gonna burn." I yelled to no one in particular.

After covering most of the house in boat fuel I lit up the trail that i's made leading slightly away from the house.

I felt pretty pleased at my plan. For someone who was pretty pissed I sure was smart. I also forgot that since I had already been all over the house covering it in stuff that was gonna turn it into a huge fireball and hadn't encountered any weird monsters that there probably weren't any in the house.

I was pretty stupid in that moment.

Well... That's what I thought before I heard a scuffle going on from the woods that sounded like a whole bunch of roaring and squealing.

I grinned to myself. A fight? Yes puh-lease.

I ran towards the noise without a second thought.

I stopped short. There was the monster thing but what was it fighting? Was that an alien?

Cool!

Being shitfaced did have it's advantages. It made you a whole lot more openminded.

The eight foot tall thing had been stabbed through the chest by the black monster's tail. That's what happens if you don't wear a backpack. I almost smiled to myself.

I hoisted the fucker tail.

"YO! Ugly motherfuckin' tittysuckin' two balled bitch!" I'll admit it was a Paul ripoff but hey! Never thought I'd actually be able to use it.

The creature, or rather both of the creatures turned to look at me.

Only one of them kept looking at me since I cut off the other's goddamn head.

The eight foot thing struggled to get up. Even with monster tail in it's (or rather his, he's not wearing a loincloth for nothing) chest.

"Woah, easy big guy." I said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Lemme help you there."

"Cannot help." The monster thing grunted.

I blinked. English too? Or was I going craycray?

"Okaaaaaaaaay..."

The giant alien thing groaned. "Will bleed out if taken out."

I understood that well enough so I nodded in what I hoped was an intelligent way.

"Have called other yaujta. Should be here soon."

I nodded again, in what I hoped was a understanding and respectful way.

The creature groaned again as it struggled to sit up. I tried to help by putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He grabbed my hand in a move I was quite surprised by and used it to thump his chest twice.

"You have heart of warrior." He whispered, obviously growing weaker.

"Dankeshan." I replied smoothly.

I saw he brown wrinkle slightly.

Obviously he couldn't speak german...

It was at that moment I heard several pops and turned quickly the observing many of the eight-foot things appearing out of thin air.

What were they? Harry bloody Potter?

One of the older looking ones (or rather the ones with worse looking skin) stepped forward and exchanged some clicky time with the guy on the ground.

I felt my euphoric drunkenness begin it's disappearance so I dug around for the Smirnoff and took another swig. Oblivious to the others watching me.

It was then that I heard a gasp from the old non-stabbed thing.

The stabbed one seemed to nod then quickly followed with another gasp worthy sentence.

I was confused, but who cares? Don't tell the human what's going on.

I drank a little more.

Then I heard a thump and was able to bear witness to the alien tipping back to fall flat on it's back.

Nice.

I then realised that it must have died.

Sad shit right there.

Vodka is pretty much another version of morphine though so I was pretty out of it.

I sat down and crossed my legs. Sipping and watching as the old coot came towards me.

"Ooman." He told me in a firm voice, "You have done a great service today by killing both hardmeats."

I nodded. No fucking clue what was going on. Though I did hear some gasps for some reason. Weirdos.

"Hal'krath has made an usual request." I continued to nod like one of those damn nodding dogs in car windows.

He took a deep breath in. "Because of your courage and warrior heart he has requested that you join us but not only that. You are to take his status, belongings and honour. All that was his now belongs to you. His trophies and the such."

By now many of the tall masked weirdos were making what sounded like protesting sounds.

The old one held up a hand, "We must honour his wishes."

I think he was speaking English for my benefit but truth be told I was too out of it to have any idea what he was saying.

So I decided to nod. Nodding fixes everything

"Then come Ooman."

He beaconed forward and even though I had no idea what he was saying I was pretty sure he was doing the follow me thing.

So I followed.

I, Penelope, the drunk fourteen year old virgin followed a eight foot tall monster to my destiny.

And I'm a little ashamed to say that I can't bloody remember anything.


	3. Shellshocked

I woke up the next morning with a bad taste in my mouth and a pounding headache.

The hangover always did know how to sneak up on someone. It lay in wait before pouncing on it's unsuspecting victim and dragging them to painful nauseating doom.

I groaned and flipped over onto my stomach.

Worst.

Idea.

Ever.

I decided that finding somewhere to vomit was a good idea.

I saw what looked like a shiny black strangely oblong shaped bucket but hey beggars can't be choosers. I grabbed it and proceeded to empty my guts into it.

I sat back smiling. Much better. Hangovers can go both ways. Either you vomit or you don't' Simple as that. Vomiting was always good though. Good for the soul.

I snorted to myself, as if!

I then set the bucket of vomit on the floor and stretched before realising that I wasn't in my room.

"No shit sherlock." I muttered under my breath. The pounding headache was making me feel grouchy.

The said reason of me not being in my room stemmed from three things.

One. I was not in my bed.

Two. There was spear hanging on the opposite wall.

Three. The whole of my left wall was transparent. And I was face to face with the bowels of space.

I felt my eyes bulging in a way that was obviously extremely attractive before I attempted to wrack my brains of why I was hallucinating.

Had someone slipped me LSD when I wasn't watching?

No... this was magic mushrooms. Obviously!

I sighed to myself. Time to get a hip flask...

Also time to stop letting guys buy you drinks.

Time to bring your own drinks.

I dragged myself off the soft thing that actually now looking at it seemed to be a raised platform covered in furs.

Good fantasy.

Now where was Johnny Depp? And more importantly where was Douglas Booth with my guilt-free margarita?

And Ryan Gosling to talk to me about how hot he thought I was.

It was then that I heard the door slide open.

Automatic doors. I congratulated myself silently. Snazzy.

"Ryan." I said in what I hoped was a sultry seductive voice. "I've been expecting you." I tried to will myself a boardroom chair and a cat to finish the the effect but apparently the 'shroom didn't work that way so I grabbed the vomit filled bucket thing and tried to turn in what I prayed was a sexy way. Not that I knew how to turn sexily. But still... yeah...

Well, this was definitely not Ryan. A nine foot crab faced obviously not-human creature stared back at me in a decidedly confused manner.

I screamed like any self-respecting girl would and tossed the vomit filled bucket into the air in shock.

Then I realised what I'd just done.

I had tossed a vomit filled bucked into the air.

"Vomit filled bucket has gone airborne!" I screamed.

The alien thing saw the bucket and roared unsheathing these weird wrist knives.

Nice.

He proceeded to try and slash the thing to pieces but I'd had a lot of contact with vomit and was not prepared to cover my hallucination buddy with it.

"NO!" I screamed. Barrelling forward and shoving the guy into the hallway and away from the bucked o' vomit.

I sighed, great first impression far as the dream monster was concerned.

"Sorry." I said by was of apology as the bucket clattered to the floor. Spilling vomit everywhere. I saw a button next to the door and hastily slammed my hand onto it. It thankfully made the doors slide shut almost soundlessly. Sealing the vomit into it's pit of doom.

I grinned up at my hallucination creation (that's a name that'll stick).

He still simply stood there looking confused.

I sighed slightly.

"I was expecting Gosling." I admitted to it. "Maybe even Depp. Or some Romeo and Juliet or Titanic era DeCaprio." Poor thing just looked even more confused. "Not that you're not adequate." I hastened to add. "But I can't imagine us lying I bed together at three in the morning talking about deep shit and proclaiming undying love."

The dream thing shook it's head.

"I take you to elders." He said. "Then to dining hall."

So... maybe Douglas was waiting somewhere around the elders.

I smiled happily to myself. This was gonna be soooooooo much fun...

Turns out Francisco Lacowski wasn't ready to marry me. And the elders were just that. A buch of old peeps.

Wait a sec. You say what now?!

"What?!" I just about screeched.

The elder looked confused. "I was just saying that you have in theory taken his place in the yaujta world."

"I'm confused." I said, "What do you mean?"

The elder frowned. "Do you not remember Hal'krath's dying request?" His english was just about perfect strangely enough but it was just about the least important thing at this present moment in time.

"So... Am I gonna live here?"

I better just bide my time until the 'shrooms wear off.

The elder guy nodded.

"Hal'krath was an elite warrior. And you have inherited his staus. He has his own chambers here on the clan ship and his own smaller ship for solo-hunting missions. You now own both." The elder seemed to smile down at me despite the crab that was obviously attached to his face.

"For your circumstances you are quite lucky."

I looked at him, "Do you have any booze?"

A few minutes later and I was getting pissed in a drug induced hallucination in a "common room" on an alien ship.

Flo and the others were gonna flip when I told them about this.

I pretty much had taken control of a whole furry animal hide thing and dragged it into the middle of the room in order to properly survey my surroundings. I had a bottle of what they called c'ntlip in my lap and I was doing a pretty good job of getting through it. It was surprisingly strong. A bit a like whiskey mixed with dry gin. Nothing like my preferred vodka but pretty good considering.

My throat burned pleasantly as I realised that three quarters of the bottle was gone.

A nearby hallucination creation reached forward and seemed like it was about to ask me something but it kept second guessing itself.

"Spit it out sweet cheeks." I didn't even turn my head in it (his) direction.

It faltered over it's words, obviously not used to speaking english.

"You kill kiande amheda?"

I looked up.

"What in the name of your hallucination creation cock is a keadee whuyoumecallit? "

The creation looked at her in surprise.

"You kill before you come."

The whole room seemed to be focusing on their conversation now.

"I would certainly remember killing something."

_Shellshocked._

For some weird unknown reason that word was bussing around my head like an angry wasp.

"Shellshocked." I tasted the word out loud.

What did it mean? I couldn't for my life remember..

I also didn't recall killing anything recently.

I stood up forgetting the bottle on my lap which slid to the floor. The liquid inside sloshing around.

"Knife." I barked at the creation.

It's eyes widened before presenting me with a small blade.

Small blade. That rung a bell.

I grabbed the knife and dug it experimentally into my forearm. The others in the room seemed to be watching with bated breath. I watched as the incision filled with blood.

I watched as the blood dripped onto the floor.

I watch the blood but more than that I felt the pain.

The pain that I wouldn't have felt if this was a hallucination.

I stilled. Standing in the midst of a different race.

On a ship sailing through space.

I felt sick.

I swallowed thickly.

I handed the creation back his knife before making my way back towards the bottle.

I picked it up and chugged the rest while the others in the room watched me quietly.

Then I let the bottle drop to the floor before walking slowly towards the door.

I took a deep shuddering breath as I walked away from the aliens before passing out in my starngely vomit free room.


	4. That's big, tall and grouchy

I lay on the bed of my so-called "private" space ship thing. I had been informed by the elders that it was mine so it was mine. I could tell with my telepathic psychic vodka induced sixth sense that not all the so called "yuajta" (apparently that was what they were called, not hallucination creations of eight-feet thingymajigs) were so happy with my random inheritance.

I winced as I remembered one trying to challenge me to a fight. He was pretty ugly looking even by the yaujta's little crab things (called mandibles) were all spittle covered and looked ready to suck my blood (maybe they were vampires, I briefly entertained the idea of finding Edward Cullen so I could kick him in the balls. Misogynic bastard!).

"Fight me pathetic ooman." He grabbed me by the throat, pressing me into the wall. I winced as my back collided with the harsh metal. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the yaujta crowd around and it looked like some of the elders had even decided to step in and join the party.

I blanched. Where had that come from? Party?

I remember how I heard some people talk about a _party_ at school. A _party_ with some girls.

I felt the cold terror flood me.

Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex.

I heard the word echo over and over and over and over. I had to remind myself it was only in my head.

That sex wasn't something to act like I was having my ovaries ripped out over.

My adrenaline was rushing and I could hear my heart thundering in my ears.

Rape.

The word was like a bucket of ice. I was on the verge of tears before I realised I had to fight back.

Not a victim.

No no no no no no.

My thoughts were a barely coherent jumble by this point. My breath was seconds away from becoming a pant and I could feel my fear seeping through the air.

So I did what any self-respecting girl would do when confronted with rape. I kicked him in the balls.

I saw him wince slightly and his hold on me loosened enough for me to slip out. I then kicked up to his junk again.

And again.

I kept kicking him even when he was on the ground. My voice becoming hysterical as I screamed at him.

"Fuck you!" I screamed. "You like hurting little girls?! Huh?! Rapist! Pedophile!"

I was screaming at this point, my words barley made sense.

I urged myself to slow down and calm down.

The mass beneath me groaned.

I hadn't been nice with my kicks in any way and it was good to know that they still had a weakness.

I grabbed the front of his netting and brought his face up close to mine.

"Touch me again and I'll castrate you in your sleep."

I stood up slowly. My movements were jagged.

I faced the group of yaujta and bared my teeth. I saw many of them step back instinctively.

The act brought me pleasure though I had no idea why.

"Same goes for you." I had snarled before stumbling away to loose myself in more c'ltnip.

It was cold hard evidence that some people didn't like me so I ran to my private ship and flopped down over the controls. When the thing asked me where I wanted to go I was pleasantly surprised. I though over it for a second.

"Take me somewhere hot. With a nice beach and no hostile creatures. Like a resort or something. But a resort with nobody there."

Th device replied with a more than satisfactory answer before asking if I wanted to go to the nearest or furthest one.

"Furthest." I muttered. My voice was weak and I felt weak in general.

We're not in kansas anymore toto. I though loudly.

It was then later in the bed in my own private spaceship which had been gifted to me by a complete stranger than I waited to break down. I waited for the tears to come so I could cry myself to sleep then move on with my life. To my surprise I found that I didn't _feel_ like crying. This both surprised and annoyed me.

"Can't I just get the damn tears out so I can keep going with my life?" I snarled to my bathroom mirror reflection. I suddenly got the urge to make a sexy face to myself.

Blonde hair accompanied with a single name "Mary" popped into my mind.

I tried to remember who Mary was but nothing was fitting. Everything was a bit fuzzy whenever I tried to pull a memory that had occurred before the alien ship to mind.

I remember fighting and fire.

A small blade had jolted my memory.

I remembered liking alcohol.

_Really_ liking alcohol.

And that's all I knew about myself. It wasn't amnesia. Every time I tried to focus on something specific like school it gradually pieced itself together but my memory wasn't intact and I could barely find anything related to why my parents weren't with me.

I couldn't picture the "elite warrior" yaujta who had given me his status either.

My brain was being incredibly annoying and seemed to be taking the mick.

I sighed irritably and decided not to press it.

I went over to my knapsack which seemed to contain everything I knew about myself.

Three DVDs; lost in translation, the hurt locker and 28 weeks later.

Two books; the master and margarita and something that looked suspiciously like Steven King horror.

A whole bunch of jewellery; immeasurable amounts of rings, a whole bunch of necklaces and bracelets and too many pairs of earnings to count.

I had more skirts than anything.

In fact my whole wardrobe looked like I was some sort of insane clubber. Bras. Bandeaus. Lacey underwear. Mini skirts. Sheer tops.

Shit! I even had nipple stickers!

As well as some too short dresses.

And a pile of bikinis.

What?! Was I a stripper or a WAG before becoming an honorary alien?

What was my life?

I knew I was fourteen. I was _young_ especially by alien terms. They lived until a thousand years! I was barely more than a hundredth of their age! They counted a _hundred_ years as kind of pre-teen.

I mean seriously! Shit! I was barely a teen! Well... not a teen. I couldn't drive, drink, have sex and leaving the house on my own was an issue. And here I was travelling across the galaxy on my own.

That's when I realised.

My parents were dead.

Well, I tried to reason with myself. There probably dead. It wasn't a confirmed death yet but my guy was telling me they were dead. And I listened to my guy. Even if I did spend a ridiculous amount of time nursing to it's needs when it felt even the slightest bit nauseated.

I turned my head to the side to watch space rush past and waited for the overwhelming loss to hit me.

It didn't.

By this point I was confused.

Hungry (living on a diet of C'ntlip probably wasn't the healthiest).

Tired.

Irritated and all I wanted was a good night's sleep.

I woke up from where I was snoozing in the pilot's chair to a blaring alarm. I jerked upright in the chair. My head was feeling all types of nasty and my breath was too foul to think about.

I searched for the small stash of gum that i'd found in one of my bag's many compartments and chewed furiously while trying to find the source of the alarm.

When I found it my eyes widened.

Oh.

_Oh._

Apparently we were being chased or rather _I _was being chased. By another Yaujta ship it looked like. Though again my gut protested violently against any small thoughts that this might be a good guy so I resigned myself to my fate. Which I was feeling surprisingly calm about seeing as it was death.

To be honest I was barely feeling any level of anything.

I was starting to worry that I'd become an emotionless zombie.

"Sucks." I muttered to myself.

Maybe this meant a fight...

I brightened up considerably and prepared to have some fun.

I checked out the previous owner's weapon supplies. Pretty good I had to say though to be honest one find rose above all other. A set of strange metal teeth that looked as though Lil' Wayne had a personal claim to them.

I picked them up excitedly and shoved them in my mouth.

They were pretty big but fit okay considering.

I grinned at myself in the polished head of a weird black bug thing. Or maybe it was a bucket...

My thoughts were become almost too much to deal with and everything seemed to blur so when I felt the other ship ram and grab hold of mine (weird to think of it as mine) I simply stashed myself full of knives and the odd gun things and ran to the one place that I knew they wouldn't be able to fit into (and I could keep on eye on them in); the ventilation shafts.

I crawled along to a convenient place above to entrance to my flying saucer and quickly opened up the meta grilling. A risky movie but one that I hoped would be worth it. I felt the familiar adrenaline and smiled to myself. It felt good. Not being a zombie that is. I was filled with excitement. Anticipation. Fear and a good dose of strange tainted happiness.

I felt invincible. Like a huntress.

Hear that universe? I'm a fucking huntress!

Holy shit they're big.

I counted three large at _least_ nine-foot tall yaujta things. They looked big mean and _bad._ If this was a comic book it'd be wolverine, sabretooth and the incredible hulk standing down there. Ready to rip me apart.

I spent a little time sending out a silent apology to Magneto for all that he's suffered at the hands of Wolverine before I began to formulate a plan. Or rather eavesdrop on them.

Yeah, eavesdropping sounded good.

That was of course before I realised that I didn't speak their language. At all.

Apart form the name for the stuff that gets you pissed.

I suddenly remembered a translator I'd snaffled back on the big ship. It looked like a really skinny i-touch but what it did was take in the words by a mike then translate them into text on the screen. The translations were normally pretty literally word for word so most of the time she would end up with some funky Yoda speak. But hey, beggars can't be choosers, and those things seemed to already be starting their clicky talk so I quietly slipped the device out of my pocket and held it a close to the hole that I'd been slowly inching away from as I could.

I had to crane my neck slightly to read the words but all in all it was still good.

"Don't like he's not here." Muttered the middle one.

"Hiding he is." Scoffed the biggest.

"Maybe ambush." Added the smallest.

I grinned. How right they were...

"Split." ordered the largest and immediately all three decided to go their separate ways. Or at least the largest and middle one ran off. The smallest seemed a little less. I smiled hungrily. Then he'd die.

I licked my lips and readied the gun. Not the best but hopefully the quietest.

A second later an he crumpled dead to the ground.

I laughed quietly and went on my way along the shafts towards where I was pretty sure one would be; the pilot's room.

I saw the biggest surveying the room before lifting up his head and spreading his mandibles. Cock-sucker seemed to be sniffing the air. I wondered for a second what he could smell. Well, I wasn't going to give him a chance to find out.

I grabbed a strange looking gun thing that I'd found in a locked chest. Let's have some fun. I pulled the trigger like thing that to be honest was more of a button and the room exploded in a ray of white light. I heard the yaujta roar in pain but I smelled the charred flesh before I saw the body. It was pretty obvious that he wasn't going to be whole lotta trouble.

The medium came sprinting in soon after that weapons at the ready.

I smiled so wide at this point thatI could feel my teeth being bared in a strange parody of a smile. As he passed over my vent I jumped out of the exploded thing right onto his crabfucking face. He roared in surprise and did his best to try and throw me off. Twisting his head this way and that in an effort to throw me off but I leaned down , clinging on tight so I could whisper in his ear.

"Hey baby." I whispered in my sultriest voice. It was then that the sudden realisation that I no longer had the sexual appeal of a chicken came to me but to be honest I wasn't sure where that voice had come from. I was _made _for this.

The yaujta caught site of his friend's body and seemed to sag.

"Who you are." He asked in broken faltering english.

I considered the question carefully before deciding on an appropriate response.

"Death." I answered before biting down hard onto his neck with my new metal teeth. It was clear _something_ important was still there even though our species looked pretty different on the outside.

He choked quietly. Drowning in his own blood. I gently climbed off him and laid his body to the floor. I think he was surprised when he caught sight of me, my short female human frame but when he caught sight of my face the surprised turned to unmasked fear. Surprising since their race was supposed to be mostly fearless.

I licked around his ghastly wound in the faint parody of caress.

"There there." I whispered. "I take care of my toys."

I'm not sure if he even knew what that meant but he died with an expression of mingled fear and pain on his face.

I laughed as I went to collect my other corpse. As I began to pick him up I decided to just make sure he was dead. I mean, he wasn't moving but you never know. I bite down on hit neck for good measure. Like a vampire. I giggled as I imagined myself as Dracula's bride. Though at the moment I knew I probably looked more like Frankenstein's monster's bride. I hand't had a shower in only Miss Piggy knows how long.

I giggle again and decide to search their ship before doing anything drastic.

I cautiously step on, knife in hand, wondering if there were anymore. The ship seems pretty similar to mine except that there was a extra basement-ish level. I take the cute little elevator down and am thoroughly surprised to be greeted by the sight of a row of completely clear holding cells.

Each is different. One has a metal table with an obviously dead yaujta strapped to it, he looks pretty beat up and seems to be missing two mandibles but death isn't the kindest mistress. I decide to come back and check him out again later.

I saw a few more cells, most empty. Only two were filled. One had a battered male strung up in chains. He seemed to be asleep. My light footsteps hadn't woken him and I was glad. I could deal with an obvious torture victim later.

The next and last filled cell ,five along, was to one that made me burn with rage. I clenched a hand around my knife and snarled quietly. I saw the bloodied lump of a yaujta _female_ shift slightly and heard it whimper.

She let off a volley of pleading clicks and it didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened here. I saw her hands curl protectively around her belly an saw red.

Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexse xsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex

It was too much.

I shut my eyes tightly.

Rape.

The word shone blood red against the black backdrop I was seeing. I ripped my eyes open and opened the door to the cell.

"Hey," I whispered in english, "Hey baby, hey sweetheart. Who's beautiful. Who's a beautiful person? You are darling. C'mon love." I whispered snapping off the fluorescent green stained collar and picking her up.

She seemed somewhat soothed by my words and by my touch I know she could tell I wasn't one of her jailers. Or rapists. Or fucking cock-sucking bastards.

I let her lean against me as we stumbled back to my flying saucer thing.

I set her down on my bed. "There you go baby girl. Mummy's gonna look after you real good." I whispered before kissing her cheek and locking the door to make sure she didn't start wandering. Thankfully when I checked on her in a couple of minutes after dragging the smallest rapist's body to the pilot's room she seemed peaceful enough.

I grinned. Doing good was good stuff.

I then suddenly remembered the pretty bad looking guy in the other cell.

I knew you could rape guys, someone in the year above had been expelled for raping his boyfriend on the school site if you can believe it. Life was fucking messed up.

"Hey honey!" I yelled at him, "I brought water!"

The tall, powerful looking yaujta looked up at me. He seemed confused.

I grinned at him.

"Sorry handsome, I _would_ be in there with you 'cept I dunno how to operate this lock thing." I gestured toward the complicated looking lock that stopped his door from being freely opened.

He coughed a little and I was a little concerned to see blood. I suspected wither internal bleeding which would be harder to treat due to the diversity of the injury or a simple broken rib punctured lung. No less deadly but easier to treat.

His voice was gravelly but his english was good, "Smash the lock, the door should pop open."

I nodded seriously. "Sure thing lovely." I brought my fist back and then threw it forward. The lock smashed and the door, as suspected, popped open.

I saw the guy try to rise but I quickly squashed him down.

"Allow me." I suggested.

He shrugged and I smiled in anticipation as I suddenly got a new idea to play with my new corpses back on the ship.

I bit through the chains (these gangsta teeth were an awesome find, patting myself on the back as I speak) with little effort and I saw the guy's eyes widen and he squirmed slightly in an effort to get up.

"Woah there buddy." I shot back. "You ain't movin' without my help."

He sighed before suddenly straightening up. "The female." He burst out. "Do you have her?"

I nodded. "Resting as we speak."

I saw him relax before he remembered another cell occupier. "The other..." He trailed off and I shook my head.

"May he rest with Paya." The massive mound of a male murmured.

I nodded absentmindedly. I would clear away his body later.

He leaned heavily on me as we ascended in the lift.

It took a while for him to collect his thoughts and think around the pain, "Where is Hal'krath?" He finally asked, that seemed to be at the top of his list.

"I assume you are his assistant, or companion or mate." The last word; _mate_ stung. It reminded me of things that were better not thought about.

I bared my metal grill at him. "I am nobody's _mate_." I spat the word. "He is dead." I added.

The yaujta's eye's bulged a little.

"He died a week ago. I seem to have been there yet I can't remember a thing. He left me all his shit thought..." I trailed off thoughtfully.

"Dead." The guy leaning against me seemed to sag even more. "He was an honourable warrior." He mumbles thumping his chest with his fist. Deja vu course through me but I ignore it.

"You say he gave you all his... belongings?"

The grin is firmly back on my face, "Yup." I pop the p.

"Then... what happened to the bad bloods?"

I take it he means the three dead things in my pilot room.

"I killed 'em."

He looks at me with barley concealed awe.

"As a respected arbitrator I was sent to catch those dishonourable bad bloods and bring them to justice." He tells me, bowing his head slightly, "I failed and was captured. A small while ago I was told that they had seen Hal'krath's ship up ahead and were going to intercept it." His sighs now. "They taunted me by saying that they would put him in my cell. But only after he would be forced to kill me."

I think about that and try to find an appropriate response.

"Sounds bad." I settle with.

"Indeed." He rumbles.

Then he turns to me. "You have my deep gratitude for helping kill those bad bloods. You are a warrior and my respect is with you." He reaches out to thump my chest twice.

"Thanks muchly sweet cheeks." I reply, I don't leave him time to say anything more because I follow with a firm, "And you will now go to my ship's medical facilities and clean yourself up."

He nods slightly and hobbles off. I watch him go then shrug. I have a body to clean up, but first...

In the pilot's room I set my destination for the nearest "clan ship". It gives me an yaujta time that I'm not even sure how to interoperate. So instead I label it as "a long time" and set off to get that corpse off the bad blood's ship. Side stepping what I think are medium rapists's brains on the way.

After I managed to get the bloody (in both senses of the word) corpse onto my little space station I decided to keep the other ship. It locks onto mine pretty well and it'll be fun to explore. Plus I'm sure _bad _bloods would have some pretty good shit.

As I walk past the female's room I hear soft sobs and decide to investigate. What I see next is possibly the sweetest thing I have even seen. Sweeter than that bit in the notebook where Noah's all like "It isn't over!" and they kiss in the rain and shit like that. She's crying and apologising and doing all the expected crazy shit of calling herself worthless and dirty and used while he's whispering to her. "You're beautiful." He whispers, "You're beautiful."

I almost tear up.

Almost.

But I have fun stuff to do with my corpses so I gently shut the door and leave those two to their Nicholas Sparks.

I snuggled up with my dead bodies in the pilot's room. Their fluorescent green blood coats my hands and I giggle slightly and I lean into medium even though he's starting to smell a little funny.

"You're biceps are huge." I mumble before slipping into dreamless la la land.

The next morning finds two concerned yaujtas staring down at me; I can't help but notice that big tall and crabby has his arm around taller and about fifty pounds underweight.

I smiled sleepily up at them

"You met my boys yet?" I ask, "That's big tall and grouchy." I giggle, and point to the largest "He's the strong and silent type."

I see they're both slightly sickly looking. I guess that's because big is kinda burnt and looks pretty bad.

I'm about to introduce medium when the guy steps in, "Why don't you go bathe?"

I shake my head, "Dunno how."

The female smiles gently.

"I'll show you," She says kindly, slipping her hand through mine and leading me away. I laugh and the sound bounces off the walls of the ship.

"I like medium the best." I say as she's gently washing my hair. "He's got the best facial exprssion."

Her face falters and I giggle again.


	5. I'm not someone's pet

H'chak strokes my hair gently as we pull into the clan ship. She's taken me on as a sort of honorary child of short. I'm her ooman "pup" as she puts it. She's careful not to treat me too much like a pet in any way and leaves me alone around ninety percent of the time. I think she might be a little scared of me but to be honest it's not like I'm gonna kill her. I _did_ save her arse. And al'Nagara's arse too. The guy in question is obviously smitten with H'chak and they are "courting" or rathe they have intense conversations about being life mates in which she mostly cries and he calls her beautiful. It's like a messed up alien version of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. So much drama!

Yet out of all the things on the ship I'm surprised that the two of them listen to me the most. When I say something they usually quieten down. I think even he's a teensy but scared of me.

I swing my knife around the training area where a spend a good portion of my day. I obliterate the robots they give me and kill more. The problem with the training is it ushers me into a stage of heightened bloodlust. I want to kill stuff. I want to kill lots of stuff.

In our slow arduous journey to the clan ship we doubled, tripled and quadrupled the time it too to get there because I needed to hunt at least once a day so we stopped at almost every planet in the vicinity. Al'Nagara would woo his little girlfriend while I would kill things to add to my trophy collection.

It rivalled even the original owner's by now.

Though I _was_ the original owner now. In theory or course.

The clan ship was big. Really big and I was looking forward to making contact and hopefully picking fights. I decided I would take every challenge but I wouldn't initiate them. I couldn't be bothered though I hankered for a good fight. To be honest i always broke my own rules though.

I gently reached up to kiss H'chak on the cheek. She seems pleased. It was my way of signalling that I was in a good mood. She gave me one final pat before I leaped nimbly off my chair and strolled to al'Ngara. I looked up at him, through the opaque eyes of his mask.

I smiled, but I knew it did nothing but scare him.

"I'm going to fight."

He nodded in understanding.

"I will maybe see you again but I do not know."

She heard H'chak's protest behind her and held up a hand.

"I love you both deeply." It was true. It was the twisted truth.

I smiled serenely. Then my smile changed into that of a teeth baring grin. The hunting one. "If anyone hurts you I will kill them."

They both nodded. My protection was important. They knew it would never waver.

Then I smirked as I imagined killing, "I'll rip off their fingers one by one then I'll..." I stopped when I caught sight of their faces.

"Sorry," I giggled, "You know what I'm like."

They both nodded weakly as the ship came to a stop with a bump.

I reached up and kissed both of them on a mandible.

"Do not interfere unless it is a matter of honour." My eyes sparkled with the thought of blood.

"Welcome." An elderly looking figure in fancy robes strolled forward. My lips cocked into a smile. I could feel both al'Nagara and H'chak's eyes boring into the back of my head. My smile widened. I hand't put on new clothes for nothing.

He reached forward to clasp al'Nagara's hand between his own.

"Honoured arbitrator," Shit sucker, I decided watching the elder, "I am so grateful that you chose to dock with our clan. And from all of us I am also incredibly pleased that you managed to rid us of those bad bloods."

I saw the nervous glances both al'Nagara and H'chak were shooting me but I nudged al'Nagara minutely, conveying that he should take the praise.

I smiled even more wildly. This would be so much fun.

I was also pleased that I could understand the language so well. The lessons I had requested from my two "friends" (or at least that was as close to a friend that I had gotten) were not wasted.

The elder again went in with more praise, "I am adamant that you and your beautiful mate and your," His lip curled slightly when he saw me, "Ooman _pet_ may stay as long as you like."

By this time both of my "friends" were nearly catatonic with a strange mixture of rage, protectiveness (that I found strangely endearing. Like a baby mouse trying to protect it's cat friend from a dog.) and worry.

I stepped forward to initiate my challenge. To my delight every member of the clan was present as I presented my challenge.

"Elder." I said, I was smiling; the same smile that I'd made before I pounced on medium. "Elder." I shook my head slightly. "How about a friendly challenge. Over some honour and things."

The elder was arrogant and had no qualms that he wouldn't win. On the other hand he was lazy and could barely be bothered. But if he turned it down he would look like a coward in front of his clan.

"Very well." He said, his tone was clipped.

My smile stretched even wider. "How about now?"

He huffed a little but couldn't say no.

My carers/friends/supposed _owners_ were clutching each other and shaking slightly.

The match was other quickly and brutally. By the time I was done with my teeth, nails, fists and feet the elder was nothing but a lump of bloody meat in the middle of the sparring mat. His blood seeped out and stained the nearby ground.

I giggled again. The elder had been a good warm up but I want something that I could _sink _my teeth. I smiled as I twirled.

"Anyone?' I asked nobody in particular. "Anyone?"

Not a single yaujta came forward. I sighed in a comical cartoon way and walked over to the corpse before I began gnawing at it's neck with my lovely metal teeth to get the head off. Even some of the more battle weary yuajta looked sick.

I then sat up and looked around the mat. "I just want to let all of you know." I said softly, I knew they could hear me, "That I'm nobody's _pet_." I spat the last word.

I picked up the elder's head and wondered how good it would look next to medium's head and if I had enough c'tnlip to get suitable buzzed before the another elder stepped forward.

He had a low gravelly voice that carried no airs. I liked him straight away. "Now only if he had Ryan Gosling's face..." I muttered to myself before immediately wondering who Ryan Gosling was.

My memory was even more jumbled than usual.

"I offer my sincerest apologies for Elder Rag'nk's disrespect." He stated, "He is or rather was prone to arrogance." I smiled up at him, I liked this guy.

"Don't worry lovely." I replied happily, "I'll say I wasn't about to go out and ask the guy to marry me but I think he had a nice death."

I watch his eyes bore into mine, "Do you really think so?" he asks softly.

I nod earnestly, "Super duper good. Better than medium at any case. That guy didn't look good," I then frown slightly, I remembered saying something to him as a fell asleep in his cold embrace, "Better biceps though..."

The elder returns my frown, "Medium?" He asks.

It was then that al'Nagra steps in. "Penelope?" He asks uncertainly. I turn happily.

"Babycakes! Didja like that?" I ask elatedly. I feel like I'm floating on a weird cloud. I suddenly understand seventh heaven and cloud nine all at once. I feel giddy.

He nods, "Very good." He mumurs.

H'chak looks as though she's about to cry.

I reach forward to touch her face and I feel the whole room hold their breath as though I was going to hurt her. But I didn't hurt my _friends._ I caressed he cheek gently and I felt her hold her breath. She did that a lot when I was around.

"I love you." I lean up to whisper in her ear. "I will never stop." I lower myself from my tiptoes.

She looks placated. Happy even. Her eyes fill with tears though it is unusual for her kind.

I then smile at al'Nagara, "Love you sweet cheeks."

He understands I am leaving. He understands everything in a single moment. I think he understood more than I do.

"Great warrior." He whispers to me, in perfect english and reaches to thump my chest twice with his hand.

For some reason I feel more deja vu.

I look to the elder.

"I am leaving now." I say. "And I want your c'tnlip."

A few hours later I have more c'tnlip than I could want and am guiding my vessel and the bad blood's through deep space.

I am drunk as I go to talk to my trophies.

When I stare at medium's head mounted next to the annoying elder who I don't remember killing I feel like crying. I decide to give in to my instincts and weep on the strange black bugs I don't remember killing either.

I hunt for three weeks straight. I only don't know it's three weeks because sometimes I hunt more than once a day. I also have a strange lapses in time. Sometimes I'll be sitting somewhere unaware that time had passed until my engine beeps. I have set it to beep at regular yautja time intervals. I don't know how long that is but it keeps a rhythm for me. I write down everything that happens during a hunt in a notebook I find in my bag. I also write down things every time the engine beeps.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing. I sometimes read what I've written and I don't understand a word.

My memory is getting worse and I think _I'm_ getting worse when the unconscious section of my mind that seems to have a will of it's own routes my small ship back to the original clan ship that I started on and my ship starts to cruise back to where I started without me noticing at all.

My eyes feel heavy. Just one sleep, I promise. Just one sleep.

But it's to long and my body does strange things when my mind is asleep and when I wake up it's in a strange medical room I don't remember. I whimper quietly but this doesn't go unnoticed by the medical officer.

He seems surprised that I'm awake. And quietly goes about his business trying not to disturb him. My head is pounding and I feel sick.

I cry out a little in pain as I accidentally roll myself off the raised table.

The medical officer runs over right away, forgetting about trying to be inconspicuous.

He helps me off the floor and into a relative sitting position. I lean against a cabinet trying to stop the room from spinning.

Why is the room spinning? I don't.. don't...

"Major alcohol poisoning. Had to flush your liver and pump your stomach. That was the main cause. That and your... mind." He seems reluctant to say it.

He seems reluctant and that's when I realise. The part of my brain that has been lurking at the back resurfaces and yells at me: "Crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy!"

I blink, the shattered pieces of my psyche floating around like snowflakes. I'm not sure I remember ever seeing a snowflake though.

I close my eyes.

"How much weight have a lost?"

He seems reluctant to talk. "A little over thirty pounds. You seemed to be living on a diet of purely c'tnlip. I am surprised you are not dead."

"How?" I ask.

He blinks. "How what?"

"How did you know where I was?"

He cocks his head to the side in confusion. "You routed your ship to come here."

Now it's my turn to be confused.

"Routed my ship."

"Yes." He nods, "It was all you."

He reaches into his pocket and with draws a piece of paper, it is torn out of my notebook. It is in my handwriting yet I don't know who wrote it.

I certainly didn't.

I lean over to read it.

It is short but sweet.

"Be discreet. I will definitely need medical attention."

The note. The note is nothing like what I have been writing for the past few weeks in my little notebook. I am confused.

The room is spinning again.

The last thought I have is if medium has missed me.


	6. Nonononono

My mind jumps. It does that often. It jumps in leaps and bounds. It crawls. It hides and it runs. I am not fond of my mind taunting me. I know it is broken but I don't know what to do to fix it. I am not allowed out of the medical room as the clan is oblivious to my stay and until I am healed it is apparently better that way.

"So I do not hurt myself." That's what the medical man said but I know he's scared I'll hurt someone else. Apparently my infamy had spread. About killing the elder with my teeth and the many skulls that adorned my ship. The fact that I was rumoured to have taken down three bad bloods single handedly was a little much.

I know he's just worried I'll kill someone.

I wonder if he's scared me of killing him.

I think hard. I will not kill him. I decide. I like him.

I remember telling someone that I loved them but I don't remember.

I don't remember much.

I spend most of my day thinking about blood. It seems my bloodlust has finally over taken and over powered my alcohol addiction. I smirk to myself. My thoughts go unnoticed and and the healer simply fuses over why I'm not suffering worse withdrawals.

I sometimes simply sit in confusion. It's one of those day where I try to separate past with present. It's a little difficult sometimes but it's not impossible.

I believe I am making good progress.

What is present is that I am Penelope.

I am still fourteen as my birthday isn't for a little while.

Mating season is coming up fast.

I am in a medical centre on a yaujta clan ship for attention to be spared to my long overdue alcohol addiction and my general craziness.

I killed an elder from another clan.

I rescued two yaujtas (one male and one female) from threee bad bloods when they boarded my ship little over a month ago.

Those two yaujtas are a couple now.

I promised to protect them.

I killed three bad bloods.

I inherited all the belongings of an elite warrior who died.

I don't know anything beyond that. I don't know. I feel like crying with frustration sometimes and constantly remind myself that that's a good thing. I like to feel. I stopped feeling before and that was bad. I need to feel more.

I am drinking a large glass of human water that the healer has procured for me while I sit and try to work through the mess that is my mind when the elder I somehow like in this clan walks in. Elder I like? I remember liking another elder. An elder from a different clan. An elder that I had killed? No the elder that spoke to me after I killed one elder. He looks to be in a good mood and I smile at him. Smiling has put me in a good mood. Besides, I need his help. He knows what happened before what I know.

I jump right in.

"What happened to me?"

I seem to make him recoil at my blunt question.

"I need to know." I tell him and he seems to determine that I am ready.

"There was a kinade amehda outbreak on the island that your parents were on and that you later joined. Thankfully there was only them on the island so only two of the hard meats managed to hatch."

I nod, at least I can make peace with the fact that my parents are dead. I remember my gut telling me this previously but at least I know I didn't leave them behind.

He seems strangely unsettled with the fact that I have taken my parents death so quickly and well but continues with his tale anyway.

"Then you alighted and somehow managed to kill one kiande amehda without difficulty! A praise-worthy feat."

I don't say anything in reply but motion for him to continue.

"You then set your house with your parent's bodies inside on fire for reasons that remain a mystery to me." He looks at me keenly as if waiting for some great insight into nothing. Because I don't remember anything of what he's telling me.

I nod in what I hope is a knowledgable way before he continues again.

"Then you came across Hal'krath being slain by one of the hardmeat."

The elder's lips seemed to quirk upwards slightly at this moment. "You slew it before the dying warrior made his final request that you take his status and belongings. You have essentially taken his place in our world."

He looks at me and I sense he's trying to smile.

I smile back.

I think he thinks I remember. To be honest I can't be bothered to correct him. If I think hard enough I _can _remember. Or I can _make_ myself remember.

"Elder," I stand on wobbly legs, "When is mating season."

I need to avoid it at all cost.

SEXSEXSEXSEXRAPERAPERAPERAPERAPESEXSEXSEXSEXRAPERA PERAPERAPE

My mind is screaming at me.

"Quiet!" I shush it. "I will get us out of this!"

The elder's eyes sparkle, "In a week." He crows joyfully. He then nudged me in what I assume in a playful manner. "Many a male is willing to fight for you."

I feel sick.

I know what mating season is.

I am barely able to shove the elder out of the room before I vomit into a well placed bowl. The retching doesn't stop even when I have nothing yet to throw up. I shiver.

I need to get out. Get out now.

Go go go go go go go.

I reach for my bag and shove everything inside before running for it.

I brush past a random yaujta as I make a break for my ship. I manage to get on and pull away all the while knowing the fear I feel is completely and utterly irrational. I try to tell myself that but the relief I feel as I leave mating season behind is so strong I almost faint.

"Take me as far away as possible. Far far far away." I tell the computer breathlessly.

It seems to laugh at me as we cruise away.


	7. Watching the goddess

Hul'tah's POV

I'm a lowly unblooded when I first see her. She's sitting on a fur in the middle of the room drinking a bottle of c'tnlip. She is a Ooman, almost half my height. She seems oblivious to the stares and whispers that she creates.

My only friend Kha'bj-te leans over to me. He was the only one willing to befriend the son of a bad blood. I never knew my father yet it doesn't seem to matter. I am not bitter though. I know it is probable I would be the same if it was not me who was his son. I simply have to do what I do and ignore the black stain my father has left that I will never be able to rub off.

"She killed two kiande amedha single handedly." He whispers to me.

I look at him wide eyed.

He nods seriously and leans in again, "That is not all, she had inherited all of Hal'krath's status, belongings, wealth. You name it. It was his it's now hers. This little thing is an elite warrior."

I give him another disbelieving look.

"Is that even possible?"

Kha'bj-te shrugs. "Apparently."

I blow the air out of my mouth in a smooth gesture.

Kha'bje-te sees me watching her, he nudges my shoulder.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?"

I don't know what to say. At this point I am desperate to seize every opportunity to talk to the exotic creature but I don't know what to say. I lean forward ready to ask but I cannot find the words.

My Ooman isn't very good though I can speak and understand a little.

I am on the verge of gathering up my courage to ask again when she speaks first. She didn't even look in my direction though she seemed to know I was trying to ask.

"Spit it out sweet cheeks." She said softly,

I was surprised and confused. I knew what spit it out meant but not in that concept. She probably meant spit out the words... Ooaman phrases are strange. Sweet cheeks also seemed a lot like an endearment but this was the first time we'd spoke. Strange again.

I faltered over my words. Unused to the strange rolling Ooman letters compared to our harp hisses and clicks, "You kill kiande amedha?"

She finally looked up to see me and I was surprised by her face. The very curves and lines were soft. Her cheeks filled out. I wondered what it would be like to caress her soft skin. I quickly dispelled the thought.

The lines on her face spoke of pain thought, and her demeanour saw confusion and a strange acceptance.

She was a goddess. Paya herself.

I watched in awe as her full lips (something not seen on our kind) moved as she formed words.

"What in the name of your hallucination creation cock is a keadee whuyoumecallit? "

I didn't know what half the words she uttered meant but I could see the confusion radiating off her. Her lips parted in speech, giving tantalising glimpses for her soft blunt teeth and supple tongue.

I again struggled with speech but managed to convey what I meant.

"You kill before you come." I stumbled a few times on kill and come but managed to imitate the flowing use of the words as if on her tongue,

She looked at me again, seeming oblivious to the many people in the room around us.

"I would certainly remember killing something." She replied. But her speech was weak. Her very stance broadcasted the fact that she was unsure. All I wanted was to pick her up and cradle her. Wipe her face clean of all worry with my touch.

But then her mouth fell open and I could see right back to the _tonsils_ as the Oomans called them. The inside of her mouth was pink and looked soft. I imagined sticking a finger inside to see what it felt like.

I wondered but did not speak or give any sign of what I was thinking. Only Kha'bj-te seemed to realise I was thinking of more than nothing . But that was why we were friends.

"Shellshocked." My goddess murmured. Her lips curving around the letters in a way that made them seem like a secret mantra.

I shook my head slightly to clear it but Kha'bj-te caugh the motion regardless of how unnoticeable it was.

The female stood up causing the bottle to fall to the floor. I doubt she noticed.

"Knife!" She seemed urgent and I was more than happy to comply with whatever she asked for.

I reached into my holder and withdrew a small blade.

She grabbed it and began to dig it into her arm. I longed to jump up. To protest against her abusing her fragile human flesh. I long to wipe away all traces of the angry human thwei from her arm and rock her back and forth until she fell asleep.

She suddenly stilled before I had a chance to stop her and handed me back the knife, still stained with her thwei. I watched with the rest of us as she hurriedly swallowed the rest of the bottle before running away.

If I could I would have told her not to hurry so much. That there was no one to take it away from her. I would have gently tipped what little she wanted into her mouth as she lay in my arms.

But she was gone.

We found out after some time that she had left. I felt a part of me crumble slowly and I realised in that moment that I must have her. I didn't care what it took. I didn't care if she hid away in a whole hive of kinade amedha in the farthest reaches of the universe but I would find her. I would find her and bring her back. I would sit with her in my arms, content to just listen to her breathing. I would be there for her every waking second of every day that she wanted me. If she wanted something I would provide. In that moment i became hers'. Though she didn't know it yet. I trembled slightly with the force of my feelings but I quelled them. She was an elite warrior and I was an unblooded. I would have to wait.

* * *

"Why are we training so hard?" Kha'bj-te asked indignantly as we completed the end of our trial run. Before anyone else had even crossed the half-way point.

I saw the trainers looking at us approvingly and felt hope swell in my chest which I instantly squashed down.

"Because we want to advance quickly." I answered

He shook his head. "No. No that is not it." It pointed at me accusingly, "You are just trying to move up enough to start courting that Ooman from a week ago."

I try to protest but I realise it is impossible. He knows me just as well as I know myself. So I simply say nothing.

He groans in disbelief and tries to throw himself down on the ground before I stop him since a trainer is coming our way.

The trainer looks over us both approvingly. "Get ready." He says, "One of the elders is taking an impromptu hunt and he has agreed to take you two after we told him how well you have been training."

Even Kha'bj-te is quiet for a moment. The trainer gives us a final nod and a meeting point before I begin to feel the happiness.

Blooded is one step closer.

I think of my goddess all the way there.

The Elder is impressed which I am glad about. We have worked hard over the course of the three day hunt. Bringing down many creatures and even two kiande amedha.

He chuckles as he watches me take the first from behind and Kha'bj-te spear another thorugh it's side.

"Good, good!" He praises us luxuriously. But I keep telling myself and Kha'bj-te not to get cocky.

In return he tells me the same thing.

It is extra rewarding then when the elder finds our humbleness a good thing and moves us up to blooded in the same trip.

So we remain modest when we return to the clan ship and simply train as hard as before along-side the other blooded. I see the trainers watching us again as we push our-selves beyond our limits. The Oomans face spurs me on as I run and in turn I spur on Kha'jb-te.

We are moved up to warriors before the end of the third cycle.

* * *

"There is no way we can move up to the Honoured before the end of the next cycle." Kha'jb-te tells us matter of factly. "We are already warriors with our own equipment and ships."

He looks at me as if daring me to argue.

"We have moved up faster than any other Yaujta in four hundred years. We have gained great honour. Paya! You are now even high enough to court your Ooman! Wherever she is..." He mutters.

I hit him in the shoulder and he shrugs.

"Thanks for pushing me though." He says, almost sheepish the admit that I helped him in some way.

Then his familiar smile is back, "I will get many mating offers when the time comes."

I snort in amusement.

We make our way to the dining hall and sit with the other warriors on break who are surprisingly open to those of their own rank. They respect us for the way we climbed the ranks. We respect them for their many honourable hunts.

We are talking of hunts when one warrior suddenly looks as though he has remembered something. He clicks his mandibles. "You know that Ooman that was here a few cycles ago? The one that killed two kiande amedha and inherited Hal'krath's status?"

We all nod and me and Kha'jb-te exchange a glance.

We are immediately both on alert and I try my best not to seem to eager while my goddess's face swims before me.

"What happened?" Asked the best friends and hunting companion I could even hope for.

"She was insulted by another clan's elder when he claimed that she was a pet."

I inwardly bristle, I will make him suffer I vow to msyelf.

"She then challenged him and beat him in fair fight with only her nails and teeth."

The warrior shakes his head in admiration.

"She then cut off his head with only her teeth and took it as a trophy before asking for all the c'ntlip they could spare."

The warrior shakes his head again as if in admiration. "What I'd do to her during mating season..."

He trails off and I feel the need to rip his head off.

I resist the urge though. I don't need to be exiled like my father over an Ooman who I have no real claim over.

I take a calming breath in then breath it out gently.

I will find her.

* * *

"Hul'tah." The Elder sounds urgent so I make my way over to him as quickly as I can.

"Yes Honourable elder?" I bow my head in submission to his rank.

I can feel the Elder's approval at my lack of arrogance but I pay it no heed. My mind is completely fixed on my goddess.

I realised a while ago that I though about her too much. Much too much. When I actually met her it was sure to be a disappointment since she would be nothing like how I imagined her. I mentally prepared myself for it every day.

"There is a strange ship that has docked on a lower dock. They are not answering communications and I fear that there is a problem." He looked me in the eye of my mask and I knew at the moment that what he was asking was going to be important. "I wish you to go down and check the ship. Report back everything."

I nod, I understand. He wants someone with enough stealth that it hopefully won't come to a fight an yet he also needs enough strength to win a fight if it came to it.

I flare my mandibles once in recognition and walk to the lift that will take me to the docking bay.

"Oh, and Hul'tah?" I turn to face him.

He gives me a rare smile, barely a quirk of the mandibles.

"Your mother would have been proud."

I try to squash the flare of pleasure the remark gives me as the doors close.

* * *

I can smell her. I can smell her all the way from here. I only just watched the doors slide open before her delicious scent is assaulting my nostrils. I pick up to a run a I bolt towards the ship that is covered in her sweet aroma. I breathe in deeply once I open the door, allowing myself to savour it. It is even better than I remembered. No explanation for it. No description apt enough for the layers of complexity that weaves together to form _this_. This bouquet of heady scents that bring back all my emotions in one tidal wave.

Then I remember why I'm here. I hurriedly search the ship from the entrance going through rooms. Everywhere I go it gets stronger and stronger. Filling every sense.

I am searching and have no time to waste so I disregard the clothes strewn around. The empty c'tlnip bottles. I even ignore what I suspect are a pair of her undergarments, heavy with her sweet scent, tossed in corner.

I groan slightly. Paya! I need to find her. If only to see her. If only to touch her however briefly.

The only room I stop in is the trophy room. I stop to stare. There are trophies of almost every species, and I can tell they are all her's. All of the trophies that Hal'krath had collected are locked away in a box. I can smell it. And I can smell that all of her trophies were killed by her and her alone. There are hundreds. From species that I can't even recognise.

It is indeed impressive. Had she been a yaujta male a female would only have to glance at this collection before jumping into bed with him.

It makes my heart swell a little in pride. I have coveted her above anything for all this time. And she had truly been an undiscovered gem. In all my life I had never seen anything like it. I quirk my mandibles in an upwards motion gently and start off again in search of her. I find her in the pilot's room. Slumped on the floor. Empty bottle littering the ground around her and lying stomach to the ground. My heart thumps wordlessly as I gently scoop her up and hold her to my chest.

She weighs nearly nothing and when I look down at her she seems to be simply skin and bone. My heart keeps up a steady rhythm as I gaze wordlessly at the goddess that is finally in my arms. She moans and twists a little in her sleep, but when I lean down and whisper into her ear she seems to quieten.

I purr. The soft soothing purr usually reserved for mates but it has the desired affect; she snuffles a little and burrows deeper into my chest. Oh Paya! I praise every god I know, from every culture I know. She's smiling as I look down at her and at the sight of her plump lips curving upwards I can feel my heart shatter and mend itself a thousand times. I cradle her gently. Like a young blood would his first trophy and sigh contentedly. This is worth it. This is worth every extra hour of training. Every extra minute of work.

I berate myself for ever _daring_ to consider that she would be anything less than perfect when I next saw her.

I am leaving the room when I notice the sign on the door. Skilfully taped so if anyone left the room they'd have to read it.

The letter was written with a shaking hand. But it is still legible and since I have studied the Ooman language extensively since our first meeting I take it; carefully cradling my precious cargo in the other arm.

I read the shaky scrawl and try to imagine the goddess writing this.

"_Hello? If you're reading this then I guess you found me. Please, please help me. I think I'm sick. I don't feel so good and I want to kill everything. Please please please."_

The letter is strange and I don't understand most of it, but somehow it feels so personal. Her rough scrawls of please please please strike me in the heart and keep it fisted within it's iron grip.

So I keep it. I stuff the letter into my pocket and forge a new one. Carefully copying her scrawl down to the last detail. She crosses her t's slightly to the left and dots her i's with circles. Nothing escapes my notice and when I finally have the new note I feel a surge of pride. I know her inside and out. I attach it to the door without a second thought before striding purposefully away with her original note in my pocket and the goddess in my arms.

I will tell the doctors what my forged note says and never reveal the true note's existence, I feel as though it was written for me in some way. Hoever stupid that sounds. It is too personal. Too heartfelt, too pleading for me to allow anyone else to see it. I shift her in my arms and she whimpers slightly. A sound that cuts into my already abused heart. I bury my head in her hair. Mandibles twirling through the strands.

I would have a hard time letting her go at the medical centre.

* * *

When I am not allowed to see her again I almost challenge the medical officers but then again they don't know. I may know her, inside and out. But I am still a stranger to her. She does not know me and therefore being visited by me would make no sense. I grind my teeth in frustration and vow to start something. _Anything _with my goddess.

* * *

I nearly roars in rage when she disappears again. Gone for mating season. Gone for the one time when it would be acceptable to court her.

* * *

My friend, Khat'jb-te, received an almost unreasonable amount of requests that season. Females jumping him left right and centre. I would have laughed if I didn't long for her so. It is then that a female approaches me. She is more than adequately built and I should be proud to attract her but all I can think about is my poor Ooman goddess. The first thing that she says to me is surprising. "You long for another."  
I simply look at her in dumb shock.  
"We can tell." She answers my unspoken plea. "We can see it written all over you even if the males can't."  
She quirks her mandibles in a smile and I can do nothing except return the gesture.  
She then laughs. "We have not been avoiding you because you are undesirable. Quite the contrary."  
All I can do is stare in dumb shock as she continues, becoming serious.  
"You belong to another," She states plainly, "I understand. But I only need your seed to sire pups. If you are not life-mated then?..."

I agree because it is mating season and I need something _anything_ to distract. But it is too painful and I can barely finish. I do however, never one to quit, and when I do she takes my face in the hands and whispers to me, "She is lucky. She is lucky to have you." She smiles. "The Oomans have a concept of _love;_ attraction that you towards another. Like the pull of a life mate. But less dependent on respect and more on feelings."

I had looked at her stupidly. The yaujta had different concepts when it came to attraction.

After her acceptance females began to flock. I had always wanted to sire pups so I took every opportunity. Shamefully I have to say that every time the only way I was able to reach release was the memory of the smile on her plump lips and the way she had snuggled into my chest like a suckling.

I sigh to myself. Soon soon soon.

I would be able to see my goddess.


	8. Is that some kind of innuendo?

I lie motionless on the rough rock as I dangle my fingers in the cool refreshing water in the natural spring beside me.

I smiled gently to myself. It is peaceful on this far out empty planet. Uninhabited save for few harmless creatures.

And some all together more hunt-able species.

I moan slightly in pleasure at the feeling of sun on my face and cool water on my body from where I am sprinkling my over-heated skin.

I flip myself over. Pleased that I'd managed to bring a bikini. The green twist bandeau top covers my modesty and the bottom do a surprising job of staying put despite all the crazy crap I had been putting myself through.

I had been swimming so many time I thought I was about to turn into a fish. My skin was deliciously tanned (although my back was burnt in a few places. But then again, all the more incentive to get back into the cool water).

I groaned slightly as I stretched out my muscles and heard bones pop and click in protest.

I smiled lightly before picking up my combi-stick. The thing was truly a work of art. Sharp enough to be knife in hunting yet able to keep my prey at some distance if they felt like clawing. Lovely lovely lovely.

I smile and know (painfully) that I am still not healed. I am very much still a raw mess of writhing shreds of human consciousness. Though I feel a fuckload better.

I wonder if I should head back to the Clan ship now. Mating season should have finished (though I'm not tracking time surprisingly enough). It doesn't take that long for a male and a female to get together. Screw like rabbits then move on.

I flinch slightly at the word "screw" but managed to keep most of my brain's crazy talk locked up in in my cranium. At least I'm not hyperventilating This is progress. Progress...

My mind is going off on a tangent again but I mange to keep it quiet. I grab it harshly and give it a quick shake and a snarled command not to pull and Alice and chase the rabbit before letting it wander my skull again.

I can feel the crazy start to grumble at not being let loose in a while and bloodlust is filling me. All I want to is find someone and rip it to pieces with my teeth.

So I sing myself a little song. I've finally found my i-pod and the thing is a life-saver. Who knew replacing every bad word in an Eminem song with grapefruit would be so funny? Plus trying to censor sexy chick was about as fun as... well. Hunting I suppose.

I'm immature. I'm becoming very immature. If it's even possible I think I am way more immature now than when I was five. Evidence: I spent a whole (still don't know how long it is) yaujta engine beeping amount of time dancing along to "Go my own way." from High School Musical 2. Embarrassing?

Yes.

Immature (especially when I tried to put on a heartbroken expression and reach out to an imaginary Zac Efron)?

Definitely.

Worth it?

Fuck yeah!

My i-touch even has some games and stuff though I tend to avoid them so not to wear down battery. I'm running on ten percent here and I have no idea how to charge it in space. I have a UK charger somewhere in the bag but I doubt the adaptor I packed will help at all with plugging it into my little (when, not really little. The ship is the size of … well. A small house I guess. Add that to the bad blood ship I acquired and I've now got a big house) flying ssucer.

My math still needs some work.

Once back at the big house ship thing I sit down cross legged and prepare to mediate with Lady Ga Ga screaming something about Bad Romance in my ears.

"Don't want your love I just want your revenge."

Soon enough meditation (stupid thing anyway. I have never achieved anything from except a slight waste of time.) is shoved to the back of my mind while I run around generally making myself look like a right idiot as a head-bang furiously.

That song then leads onto "Walk this Way" and well... who can refuse Aerosmith?

My i-pod is by this point giving me passive-agressive messages saying things like "Please charge soon".

"If only I could." I mutter.

Then I get a brilliant plan. I could just ask the yaujta what their plugs look like! Then I could make an adaptor... Or ask someone to make me an adaptor. Or something like that.

I reach around for something to do now that my head-banging days are over and see a half-full bottle of c'tnlip on the pilot's chair.

Hmmm... Well I _am_ feeling kinda bored and the good stuff always spices up any party. Even when it's a one person party.

Though I _do_ have to remember not to overdo it

See, I realised all on my own (no annoying-scared-of-me-weirdo-healing-people telling me) that what liquid courage does is rattle up my brain a little. Since I can't even think straight the cray cray shouldn't be able to do anything right?

Well yeah, kinda right. Only the crazy stuff is pretty, well..._crazy_. So It just gets more jumbly and crazy.

Life is great...

So yeah. In short too much of my choice of poison turns me into a raving lunatic who apparently likes to eat off people's heads. Or yaujta heads. Or really just heads in general.

After a couple of shots (not too many of course, just three) I feel happier. I decided the time had come to return to the clan ship. I happily skipped over to the controls and routed the ship. Apparently it would take one cycle to get back. Weird since it took two cycles to even get here. I shrugged to myself.

The clan ship was a ship... so it moved.. so that means...

I shook my head, it hurt just trying to think even a little bit. For now my thoughts were confined to being shallow. Which was fine. Deep stuff was boring anyway. Who cared about deep stuff.

It was then, while singing the Phineas and Ferb theme tune, that I got THE BEST IDEA EVER.

No joke here. Serious stuff.

I sighed slightly as I left to go start my plan. I could kill for a tall cool glass of sparkling rosé...

* * *

"Right," I marched in front of my "troops" while they looked on respectfully, or maybe it's because I hadn't switched them on... "We are going to lay siege on the castle of the evil Gargamel." The many training robots simply stared. "They have captured the beautiful Princess Smurfette." Again, no reaction from the troops. Tough crowd. "So we have to rescue her." I felt as though I was explaining the very essence of sieges.

I had hidden a robot dressed in the most modest and princess-ly items of clothing I'd been able to discover I'd owned. A black sheer maxi skirt and a long sleeved bow-backed lace top was completed with a crown I'd made out of a random helmet. I smiled. What a princess.

Well, she leaned slightly more towards hooker but I'd done the best I could.

The robots each had individual settings for training. There was Kiande Amedha which I had decided to just call "angry motherfuckers". It suited them. All they did was screech a lot and jump around while clawing and biting. I had obviously programmed around three from each imaginary "side" to this setting. The robot I had guarding the princess was programmed to "angry motherfucker queen" which was just basically big assed ugly bitch. Annoying thing. But deadly.

The other setting were a little jumbled, but I found one which was "Ooman- helpless". This was out current princess. So far all I could tell was that "Ooman- helpless" just screamed and cried a lot and in general was pretty annoying. But to be honest, if I had been kidnapped by a guy called "Gargamelle" while dressed as a hooker I would be pretty worried.

Sex, my brain helpfully and oh so sweetly supplied the word. Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexse xsexsexsexsexse

I then decided I needed a fucking break.

I looked my troops over sternly.

"We'll continue making a plan tomorrow." I promised.

Then I walked off in the direction of the bad blood's ship which I had decided to keep. They had just as many training robots as me, if not more so I could use all in the battle I was planning on waging. I smiled happily. This was going to be so much fun. I had two teams of robots ready to fight to the death with me heading one up and a freaky bad guy robot heading up the other team. I'd even recorded myself saying: "Miss Penelope. I have been expecting you." in a ridiculously deep voice to use.

I know, I know. It's supposed to be last names but hey, I can't even remember mine. I think it started with an M. Though to be honest it could have started with anything.

Plus I was pretty sure the yaujtas didn't even have a last name. And I was for all intents and purposes a yaujta.

I took the list in the bad blood's ship and found myself pressing the button for the holding cells for some reason. I'm not sure why I was heading there. But it was another trust your gut situation and I trusted my gut. Sort of. Well I trusted it when it insisted that it was time to go barf but apart from that...

Ah well, the heart wants what the heart wants.

I strolled on past the holding cells. Past the one that had contained the dead slashed one. Past the one that had held al'Nagara.

I get a jolt as I think his name. I think he meant something. Though I can't quite remember. I stop outside the cell that I remember held the female. The poor thing. H'chak. That was her name. I feel the same jolt as I think her name. Annoying. I wonder why though...

I step into the cell and that's when my mind starts chasing the rabbit.

I imagine.

I look at the collar attached to the heavy chain attached to the wall.

What would it have been like?

I step up gingerly and grasp the collar in one hand. It's too big to be a collar for me. I slip it over my head and it rests gently on my shoulders. I lean against the wall and imagine. I imagine hearing heavy footfalls. The soft shift of the door opening. I imagine pleading.

No no no no no no.

_Please_ don't.

I imagine cruel laughter.

Maybe the phantom just felt like forcing and pinning and thrusting.

Of taking.

Or maybe they wanted to mess with the mind.

Stroking, kneading, feeling.

Drawing unwanted pleasure.

Messing it up because liking it was the worst part.

I tentatively reach down to cup a breast.

My mind is howling at this point. Screaming and roaring and crying.

But I mute it and gently swipe the pad of my finger against a nipple.

It perks up instantly and I draw back.

What?

I try to imagine rough claws inside of my sot hands. I pinch inside of stroke and the pain hits me off balance. But there's pleasure too.

I nearly start sobbing in fear. Too much. It's much too much.

My terror fuels my adrenaline which fuels my desires.

Which just makes me feel impossibly lonely.

I sit there in the see-through cell and wrap my arms around myself. I try to imagine that they're someone else's arms. I imagine the soft feeling of fingers curling through my hair and ghost my own fingers down my spine. Desperately wishing that they were someone else's.

I nearly burst into tears right there and then. I want someone to help me. I want someone to take care of me and hold me and plant butterfly kisses down my neck. I want to be able to jump onto someone and wrap my legs around their waist like in Dear John when Amanda Seyfried jumps on Channing Tatum.

I want to thread my fingers through someone else's and have a conversation with just our eyes.

I want to spoon in bed with someone and feel safe.

I'm on the verge of tears again when I throw off the collar and glare at it. In all my fourteen (or is it fifteen now, yes it's definitely fifteen) years of life I have never been so... romantic!

All I want to do know is tell someone I love them and lie in their arms under the stars.

I shake my head like I'm clearing out water as I march purposefully out of the cell.

"I am a strong independent woman." I say out loud. "I do not need someone in my life to make me feel secure."

The trophies I march past as I finish my statement seems like they're about to protest.

* * *

"We will soon be docking." My computer informs me.

I turn to glare at big assed ugly bitch. The "princess" sitting just out of reach. I attempt to throw in some superhero banter, but the machine doesn't respond.

Just screams at me a little more. For some reason this thing is affecting me more than it should.

All of the ugly motherfuckers are affecting me more than they should.

I glare and give an almighty battle cry:

"I will slice yo' ugly ass up!"

The monster just screeches a little more in response.

I run and it runs too.

So we're running at each other. I see it's tail stab towards me and feel that annoying deja vu stuff again. I give my battle cry again before decide it's a little long and not all appropriate if children are near. I decide then and there while battling a giant robot thing thing that I would get a new battle cry.

I managed to decapitate the thing with my beautiful wonderful lovely combi-stick and smile happily.

I then go to retrieve the princess and to turn it off. The wailing is getting to my head.

I'm in the process of getting my clothes back when the elder that I kind-of-but-not-so-much-since-he-mentioned-mating- season steps in.

He gazes around the demolished room and robot slowly.

When he meets my eyes I can tell he's followed the trail of robot guts to find me here in the bowels of the engine room on the bad blood's ship.

He looks a little scared to be honest and I nearly laugh. Isn't he supposed to be all powerful and shite like that?

I look closer. Well, maybe not _all _powerful but I'm guessing he's at least six hundred years older than me so... respect your elders baby! (Pun totally intended.)

I grin but turn away so he can't see as I try even harder to get the scrap of lace that is the shirt off the robot. In the end I give up.

I'll come back for it later.

The elder clears his throat, "Elite hunter Penelope." I have the urge to yell shit sucker but quell it, "You missed mating season."

I'm angry that he mentioned mating season but pleased that I don't feel like throwing up.

Maybe I'm growing up?

"There were many males asking for you, not only to sire pups since they know you cannot do that also simply for the pleasure of mating with such a strong elite hunter." He gives me a look that I think is supposed to be sleazy, suggestive and slightly proud.

I give up on the growing up thing. I'm gonna hurl on him.

I look away and try to calm down my breathing.

"I can only imagine how disappointed you are."

So he's mistaken my look of agony and disgust for disappointment? Well then...

"I must insist you stay on the clan ship for a while. We can repair and clean your ship while you rest in your own private quarters."

Hmmm... sounds tempting. I decide to agree. My ship holds a whole bunch of unwanted memories. I mean c'mon. Rape chambers? Trophy rooms? Pilot rooms where I spent most of my time lying on the ground pissed as hell?

A change of scenery is good. Plus I'm hungry as hell. The ship seemed devoid of anything except an unlimited water supply and c'tnlip. Oh, and some weird cracker things that I'd basically lived on.

I need a steak.

I nod and the elder clicks his mandibles approvingly before gesturing me to follow him.

Fat forward a little while and I'm all tucked up in bed in "my" private quarters. Bullshit! I know they used to be yaujta sugar daddy's. Y'know, the one that gave me the ship and a shit-load of problems. My head is spinning and all I want is a steak.

And rosé.

And someone to hold me.

Woah there! The last one sounded ridiculously cheesy. But it _is_ the truth. I mumble miserably to myself for a while before settling down.

I'll go to breakfast in their cafeteria thing tomorrow morning.

* * *

I feel groggy. It seems like it's night but no one can be sure in space. I should sleep some more. I don't even know if I'm properly awake anyway.

But I can feel someone.

I know they're not in the room itself and yet.. I shift slightly in my bed. I can still sorta feel someone there.

It's only when I hear a slight shuffle outside the door that I realise someone's outside. I shiver unconsciously. My head is still weighed down by sleep and I don't have much alertness.

I hear whoever it is slowly shuffle down the corridor. I can barely keep my eyes awake at this point. I know I won't remember it the next morning.

* * *

The silence is unnerving. Extremely unnerving. I have barely been in a place so quiet. Especially with so many people.

I suddenly feel like this is a High school cafeteria and I'm the subject of some amazing rumour and everyone is afraid to talk to me.

I they'd seen medium they'd probably be too scared. Period. Even I'm scared of medium sometimes. He's not particularly friendly looking.

I'm wearing a floral print maxi dress. It was a god send concealed under a pile of push-up bras at the bottom of the bag. It's conservative. Which is an awesome "yes yes yes yes!" happy dance in my books.

"Umm..." I chew on my lip as I survey the food on offer.

What the fuck was that?!

Right, avoid that.

I'm aching for meat so badly I think I might actually eat on of my many audience members...

Briefly I wonder what their meat would even taste like.

I know what their blood tastes like, I've drunk it enough times. It's salty and nothing like mine. Plus it's green.

Looks like a bloody halloween cocktail.

I hmmm again to myself. What to choose? What to choose?

The creepy silence is thankfully broken at that moment.

By someone putting their arm around my shoulders.

I stiffen, oh no you didn't!

Ignoring my brain and heart who seem to think it's a good idea to run around in circles annoyingly I try to squish my fear.

I am _not_ scared of this annoying thing. I am just hungry.

Cray cray starts to creep in.

Hungry.

I decide to be nice and give him a fair warning

"Please take your arm off me, or I might have to kill you."

He laughs, it's not a very nice sound. His hand slips lower and I just feel angrier. And angrier. And more hungry.

I look up at him.

"Last chance."

He simply laughs again and his hand cups my butt.

I snarl, "You're shoes are stupid!"

My new battle cry works a charm but I don't let him take the time to appreciate it.

I am all over him like ketchup to a steak. I wonder if he would taste good with ketchup but resist the urge to check until it's over. He roars blindly and I use my nails and teeth to slash and cut. I have a knife in my pocket but it seems a shame to use it. I lap up the blood from a cut made on his shoulder like a thirsty cat and I can feel him trying to grab me and throw me off.

Well, I'm not having any of that!

I'm just about to poke his eyes out when I feel someone grab me and drag me off. I snarl at them; whipping around. Hair in my face but I see it's just mating-obsessed elder.

"What's going on?"He asks.

I personally think it's pretty obvious what's going on.

I glare at the elder.

"I was hungry. And I though I could eat this guy."

I see the horror in the elder's eyes before he conceals it.

"We do not eat other of our clan." He says gently.

I snort. "Even if they're groping bastards?"

Now he just looks confused.

"He... touched you?" He seems to be trying to pick his words carefully.

I shrug. "Not important. What is important is I warned him. He didn't care so I decided that I should take the liberty of expressing that I wasn't joking."

I smile, but it's twisted. Crazy is going away, I know that much.

The elder seems to think for a moment before calling one of the yaujta that are eating in the hall.

His clicks aren't easily decipherable, mostly because I haven't spoken yaujta in a long time.

The other one clicks back and I amuse myself by drifting towards the downed yaujta.

"Hey baby." I whisper gently I reach forward and stroke his face. He seems to try and force himself into a sitting position and I decide to help him.

He bows his head to me, "You are indeed a honourable warrior."

I grimace at him. I'm trying not to scare him too much so I'm trying to restrain the huge smile that threatens to show him my blood stained teeth.

"I am sorry I touched you without your consent."

I nod again.

"It was extremely dishonourable," he continues, "I accept any punishment you give me."

I think to myself for a few second before giving an answer, "You're fine. I won't do anything else to you. Except..." I draw the word out.

He looks at me pleadingly.

"Well, why did you try to grab me anyway?"

He looks confused. Extremely confused.

"Are you asking why I found you desirable?"

Wow, this guy actually found me desirable. I give myself a mental pat on the back. Maybe the fact that I spent most of my time in stripper clothes had something to do with it.

"Stripper clothes." I mumbled.

The guy looked at me weirdly.

"Why?" I asked him.

It couldn't just be the clothes.

Then I thought of most of the boys back on earth.

Well, maybe it could.

This guy seems to grasp my meaning though.

"You are strong and powerful. You also manage to take yuajta almost twice your size and yet you still seem delicate. You are also immensely beautiful."

Wowza! This guy thought I was immensely beautiful?! What was the world coming too?

"And your trophy collection is enough to make anyone swoon."

I loo at him in disbelief.

"My _trophy_ collection."

He nods rapidly, "That is one way us males attract mates. We collect trophies."

I nod, for some reason I remember a male yaujta handing a female the skull of a lion looking creature while the female giggled.

Damn flashbacks.

Then I think it over, wait a second...

"How did you even see my trophy collection?"

"The etas saw while they cleaned your ship." He answers.

Ahh, cleaned my ship. No idea what etas were but obviously they cleaned ship so good enough for me.

"I heard them talking as I walked past."

Well, they talked too.

"I would be honoured to see it."

I think about it, let the would be rapist see my trophy collection? Was that some kind of weird innuendo? I wanna see your trophy collection?

I think it over, "No." I decide on.

He clicks the mandibles understandingly.

"I shall take my leave." He draws himself to his feet with some difficulty and limps off.

Hell in a willy wonka wrapper!

I was desirable because of my extensive collection of dead things.

Nice.


	9. Midnight swimming

I'm in the bath when that fucker decides to just walk in. He's this weird non-hunting scientist who wants to talk to me about my trophies and I'm sitting (naked, lets put that across. _Naked_.) in the bath when he walks in.

He sort of blinks stupidly for a bit before clicking.

That's when I start screaming. Let me tell you something, I can scream pretty loud.

"GET OUT YOU DIRTY PERVERY OR I'LL BREAK YOUR FACE AND TURN YOUR CLICKERS INTO POPSICLE STICKS!"

He clicks a couple more times at that but thankfully leaves before I have to kill him. Not that I can't kill him anyway.

I smirk a little as I dry off and head into my room in search of clothing.

After an extensive search for something that isn't stripperish I end up wrapping the bed sheets around myself and tying them in a toga. Life is sad when you have to choose bed sheets over clothes in an effort to avoid looking like a slapper.

I go to press the button that opens my door, and I'm slightly reconsidering killing the guy at this point. The scientist stands there wringing his claws slightly. I feel kind of bad for the guy though.

Only kind of but still. He probably worried I'm about to turn his testicles into bouncy balls.

I sigh, being feared is nice but not healthy in any situation. I motion for him to come in and he does. But not before shooting me a terrified look.

Wow, this guy is terrified.

One of the all knowing fearless things was terrified. Nice.

I didn't actually feel bad but I was doing a pretty good job of forcing myself to feel at least a teensy shred of guilt.

I gave the yujta a smile in a sort of peace offering and I saw him smile back the yaujta way.

"What can I do for you?" I ask.

He frowns slightly and motions with a claw to his mouth. Then he points at me and shakes his head. The meaning is pretty clear; me no speaky human.

I sigh. I don't speak yaujta but I can understand a teensy bit.

I motion to my mouth then to him then shake my head. I se him look a little upset so I point to him then to my ears then nod.

I think he gets it because he starts talking.

"My name is Denka." He points to himself for extra emphasis but I understand so I motion for him to continue.

"You trophy collection, may I see?"

Okay, maybe this is some kind of innuendo after al.

We go see your trophy collection? I'm trying to figure out how that seems to measure up to "I wanna pet your peacock." before he motions again.

"Apparently many undiscovered species in your collection."

I blink at this point. He wants to see my dead things because I've killed new species?

Sounds insane but hey, at this point most thing sound insane.

I nod, if he _is_ a perv I'll just eat his fingers.

I'm slightly scared of how appealing that sounds.

As I lead him down he explains how he's a warrior that decided to go into science and he no longer hunts but instead makes new weapons and the such.

Impressive. It sounds almost fun.

When we finally reach the line of heads he immediately begins to point to different ones. Like one of the blue furry things I killed on that random-assed planet three hunts before docking at the other clan ship.

The green slimy thing that I hunted in a swamp on the pink planet thirteen hunts after the other clan ship dock.

I hummed to tune to Hey Jude by the Beatles and tried not to laugh at his enthusiasm. He had started to stroke the skull of the ugly white thing from the swirly planet where I had to wear an oxygen mask.

"Incredible." I heard him murmur for the fifth time in a row.

He turned back to me, "Can you get more?" He seemed to beg.

I thought about it, I _could_ go get more and it would possibly be quite fun but being at the beck and call of others... I wanted something in return. I though about my many problems.

"If I do will you charge my i-pod?" I asked, before realising that I was speaking english and he didn't know what an i-pod was anyway.

A little while later and we had made a deal.

He made a list of creatures he wanted.

I went to get them.

In return he would solve every little problem I wanted.

I smiled to myself as I went to get the i-pod.

* * *

"Hey Elder."

He turned to look at me.

"Yes hunter?"

"I was wondering if there were any organised hunts coming up."

If he had eyebrows he would have raised them. He didn't so no eyebrow raising. Just mandible clicking.

"There is one tomorrow. A few warriors and many young bloods and some blooded."

I nod, trying to appear interested. I'm just lonely I suppose. Running on your own can get lonely after however long I've been off Earth.

Hmm.. Earth. Don't really think about it that much.

I squish Earth in my mind 'il it starts to implode.

"Why do you desire to go?"

I shrug slightly, "Bored."  
"But you can leave at any moment?"

The sentence is turned up at the end, like a question. Like _can_ you actually leave? Is there something holding you back?

Again I shrug. He clicks again.

"I suppose you can go..." He mutters.

I grin and rush to my room to pack. I haven't been this excited since Medium and co. came aboard. How long ago was that?

* * *

I'm sitting on one of the long benches lining the edges of the main room of the ship. I've stretched out my legs and my arms are slack.

I watch the others in the room, which is basically everyone on the hunt. The young bloods look arrogant but a little scared.

The blooded seem very scared. Cheeky buggers.

And the warriors. Well...

One's quaking in his metaphorical boots.

The other has a strange look on his face and the third is in the pilot room.

"Sooo..." When I speak the whole room seems to get even more tense, "What we hunting?"

The one who has the strange look answers.

Th others seem too terrified.

"The venomous creatures that reside on the distant green planet a little while from here."

I am frowning slightly. Sounds familiar...

Then my eyes widen. "Oooooooh! Are these things about ye tall," I gesture. "Vaguely snake like and have a venemous tail?"

The warrior seems to freeze.

"Yes." He stutters slightly, "How do you know of them?"

"Hunted one a little while ago." I'm leaning forward excitedly and my hand are going everywhere, trying to convey the awesomeness that was this prey.

They were fast, strong, smart, deadly and it was only an alcohol induced crazy stab that made me win.

Those these were awesome.

_Awesome._

"They are amazing! Fast, strong and stuff." I lean back contentedly and sigh happily.

Then the guy's speaking again, "You hunt on your own?"

I raise both my eyebrows since I still don't know how to raise one.

"Honey bunches, I was pretty alone for a while."

He nods and I sigh dramatically.

"I won't jeopardize the hunt in any way." I promise. "I need to get some stuff while there."

He clicks in acknowledgement.

I get up to retire to the sleep rooms. As the "highest ranking" person there I get my own room.

I smile as I settle down.

One sleep.

Oh, deja vu...

* * *

The fire light casts weird shadows on the ground and my hands when I bring them close. It is definitely dark. Very very dark. It's night on this planet. This strange hunting ground that is a little like earth. I clench my hands into fists and sigh.

I hear it then. The soft hiss of the ship door opening.

I hear the soft footsteps of the yaujta. Then I hear them stop.

I wonder what's wrong.

That's before I remember that I'm practically the bogey man to them. There to kill and rip.

"You can sit down if you want." I say softly. It's so still my words carry easily. This planet doesn't have the endless night noises that earth has. No insects. No birds. No animals.

Everything goes to sleep when their sun goes down.

I hear a soft thump as he lowers himself next to me. The air is still.

I suddenly sigh. I want to do something. I look at him, maybe?...

"Um... sweet cheeks?" I turns to me immediately and his stare beneath the mask is so intense it makes me shiver slightly.

"Wanna play hooky?"

I can tell he doesn't know what it means but follows me all the same when I get and gesture to him to follow me.

I know this planet so I lead him to the top of a waterfall I found when here before. It's dark and silent except for the running water. I can't see a thing but I know the water below is deep. I know there aren't any rocks.

And I know the waterfall is high. I grin and begin to strip off my clothes. My jewellery. My weapons. Anything that I don't need until I stand in front of him in my bra and panties.

"We're going waterfall jumping." I tell this relative stranger.

He simply looks at me, but he seems to understand. He makes quick work of his armour. Wrist computer thing. Weapons. All in a pile next to my stuff.

He takes off his mask last and I feel a little twitch of excitement in my stomach at actually _seeing_ the eyes.

He lays it gently next to him; this planet has seven moons and the light they reflect from their main star illuminates him. I can see his face.

The crablike mandibles, the blooded sign in the centre of his forehead.

The scars that litter his cheeks.

The _eyes_.

They're the most expressive I've ever seen. More so than any human boy's eyes.

I smile and I can feel the eyes stare me down. They seem to burn with some unknown emotion. I can't place it so I give up.

Then I turn, I've made a decision. I don't want to ruin my pretty Victoria Secret push up in the water so I unclasp it an and place it on the pile of clothes.

My boobs are perking up in the air and I use a forearm to cover them and I jog over to him.

My cheeks are burning and excitement and adrenaline is eating away at me.

I know he won't hurt me, I can see it in his eyes.

I smile and hold out my hand. After a second his grasps mine with his. I can feel his hard pebbly skin on mine. His claws scrape slightly.

I lead him to the edge of the waterfall. I look down, and get a head rush.

Fucking hell! That's a long way down.

Jitters are attacking my nervous system. My palms are sweating attractively and my toes curl.

I look at him.

He looks at me.

Then I smile.

"Geronimo!" I yell as I jump, dragging him long with me.

I'm screaming, my stomach has been left at the top and he's roaring.

I laugh as I'm flooded by beautiful delicious _emotion_.

Happiness drips of me and as we hit the water I squeeze his hand hard.

We both plunge down like rocks. The cool water like a punch to the face. I'm laughing, spluttering and yelling all at once.

He's clicking and I laugh and brush his face with my hand affectionately.

I feel my stomach seize up.

_Sex._

It's not like that I tell myself sternly. He's nice! He's not trying to jump me.

I take his hand in mine and start paddling. He soon copies my motions and we float/swim/splash our way to the shore. I shiver slightly, and make a sudden realisation.

Our clothes and stuff are at the top of the waterfall.

I sigh, no rest for the reckless eh?

He seems to understand when I do and sighs as well.

I smile and reach forward to hug him. My cheek barely grazes his stomach but it's fine. I'm holding him tightly but everything seems good so far.

Sex, my brain seems intent on warning me. But the voice seems weak and I shove it away.

'Till my nipples brush against his chest.

They harden and I growl at my body.

Annoying thing. I don't usually do this on first dates!

I don't usually do this. Period.

I pull away roughly.

"Lets go get our shit." I say, I don't look him in the eye.

He seems to _purr_ quietly before following me. I look at the rocks at the bottom of the cliff face.

We either climb.

Or we walk around.

Okay; pros to climbing:

Quick.

Get to cover up my boobs as quickly as possible.

Quick.

Don't have to go through jungle.

Quick.

Pros to walking:

More exercise. (As if I care.)

More time to dry off.

Get to go through creepy jungle topless. That's something to tick of the old bucket list.

Well, it's pretty obvious what I would be choosing.

"We are climbing this thing." I tell the alien guy pretty matter-of-factly.

I've given up trying to conceal my boobs and don't bother using the chic forearm cover. I just stand there. Ma lady lumps hanging all over the place.

I think he gets what I mean until he grabs me and lifts me up bridal style.

"Woooooaaaaaaah sugar sticks! What are you doing?!"

He doesn't reply, just starts climbing.

It's only a few feet up that I realise this guy is an amazing climber. He leaps nimbly from stone to stone and cradles me in one arm while climbing up a practically vertical bit with the other.

I'm blushing at this point. This is so romantic! I've stepped into a Nicholas Sparks novel. One with aliens.

My nipples rub against his chest and I feel myself shiver in pleasure before the panic sets in. Depp breaths. Deep deep deep breaths.

I try my best but my head is spinning. I glance up at his face and see he's not even looking at the cliff. His gaze is routed on my face and I see the unknown emotion in his eyes once again.

I feel like a fucking damsel in distress as everything goes black.


	10. Love you more

Hul'tah's POV

The cycles pass. Slowly and torturously. The females who have conceived contact me to tell me. Time passes.

I think about my goddess. My little Ooman. Kha'bj-te grumbles every time he catches me staring off into the vast wilderness of space or something similar. He knows what occupies my thoughts and he sighs slowly.

"You think more of your Ooman than the hunt." He accuses me one day as we finish up our small run.

I shrug as I return to the ship.

I have been trying to learn some ooman for the next time I see her. I feel like I am always a step behind her. She dances tantalisingly out of reach. Always hopping forward.

I know I do think of her too much. Much too much.

I turn to Kha'bj-te, clicking quietly, "You are right." I tell him.

He stares at me, "I am?" He is doubtfully. But I understand.

I nod quickly. "I cannot stop." I mutter, more to myself than to him, "She is_ perfect_."The word comes whispered. Reverent._ Perfect._

Kha'bj-te shakes his head, but then his familiar grin is back in place. "Well," He punches me playfully, "If it wasn't for that little thing we wouldn't be where we are." His pupils dilate somewhat, "Mating..." He trails off, lost in his own thoughts and I laugh at his fantasies.

I go to my room. It was by choice that the two of us decided to go against what was normal within our society and take a warrior ship to accommodate both of us.

We are still barely gone past young bloods in age and the comfort of hunting together instead of alone is nice. I appreciate the way he accepts and I try my best to do the same. When he mated with twenty females during the past cycle I didn't remark. It was not customary for the yaujta to go beyond three in a single season.

Twenty was unheard of.

I myself had experienced three intensely different couplings. It still never felt right. I dug my claws into my palm. I longed for her so badly my very soul ached.

I prayed to Paya that night.

Simply to see her.

* * *

My request was apparently granted. I smell her as soon as her ship docks. Kha'bj-te sees me stiffen and looks curious.

"What?" He asks, eyes darting around for any sign of disturbance.

We are sitting in a mapping room, planning the next hunt we will take with another warrior and some of the youngers.

I groan slight, "She is here." I mutter, tension seeping through my pores. My muscles are tense and coiled. I long to jump up and run to her. To cradle her. Worship her.

_Love_ her.

The Ooman word is insignificant compared to what I feel. One human word cannot describe it.

The emotions claw at my throat, demanding to be let out.

"You smell her?" He is cautious, not wanting to raise my hopes in case. But I do not care. I know she is here. I recognise my scent to well.

"Her ship just docked."

He sucks in a breath. Shocked.

"You cannot smell her from there!" He protests, "That is three levels down on the other side of the ship!"

The clan ship is large but I can feel my senses spread out looking for her.

Her scent is stronger than ever and I hiss with the force of it.

Kha'bj-te is still looking at me. But I think he sees something in my face. My stance. My very being that makes all his protests stop short.

"She is here." He whispers in awe. Voice rapturous. He shakes his head. "I do not know how.. but..." He shakes his head again and his braids tremble. Producing wind-chime noises from the many gold rings that adorn them.

"I am going to retire." He looks at me before leaving, "Don't let her go."

I ponder his meaning as the door slides shut, unconsciously tracking her by her scent.

* * *

I do not know why I am here. I stare at her door; following her scent to this room had been remarkably easy. I am staring so hard I wonder if I could bore holes in the door. I hear a shift beyond it. My goddess. _My_ goddess. I almost snarl possessively but I restrain the sound. I do not want to alarm her if she is awake.

I doubt she is though.

My head spins from her sweet aroma. But I manage to quell the desires. My heart cramps dangerously and my stomach clenches.

I shift my feet and hear a strange absence of breath on the other side of the door. I realise she is awake and in that moment realise the true enormity of this. I have not interacted with her consciously I first realised.

I turn to make my way back down the corridor. Soon.

* * *

The dining room is silent as we all watch her. She shuffles around. Attempting to find something to her taste. She should know by now that I would hunt her anything she desired.

I would travel to earth and get her human food if she so wished.

My stomach shifts painfully and I clamp down on my desire.

Now is not the time.

Kha'bj-te is watching me as always, he has been doing it a lot lately. I know some part of him wanted to believe that I was wrong when I had accurately stated that her ship was docking. I know the fact that I could smell her, no matter the layer of hard steel, disturbing to say the least. I knew he was confused but I offered him a small smile to quell his worry. He returns it and I am suddenly glad that no one saw our private gesture.

I am so wrapped up I don't notice the male, heavy with musk, come up behind her. I resist the urge to jump up and fight him. Fight him for even daring to approach what was mine. I squash the challenge on my tongue and instead watch.

He isn't speaking to her, choosing to dare to _touch _her.

My head swims with fury and I almost flare my mandibles. But I force calm upon myself. Now is not the time.

I hear her sharp Ooman words. They mean little. I can tell all by her tone.

She does not want his companionship. My heart soars at her rejection. I watch for the male to draw away.

When he doesn't I almost snarl.

He laughs and his hands move down her body. Tracing a path that only _I_ should have access to. When he reaches to cup a sensitive and I know private part of her anatomy my hand curls so tightly around my eating implement that is is forced out of shape. The metal moulds to my hand. There is a slight flash of pain as the sharp metal digs into my skin but that is ignored.

I watch my ooman goddess. See all the emotions flash across her face.

See the overwhelming fear that blooms before it's gone and the goddess herself seems to transform. In her place stand a strong, confident, deadly fighter.

Paya herself.

I see her as she blurs into action, biting, scratching, kicking, punching. I watch as is thwei begins to drip and she laps up some with her soft tongue.

I hear her laugh and him roar.

I see her get ready to damage his eyes before The Elder himself steps in to haul her off him.

All of us watching know what happened. All of us watching understand that she was justified.

The Elder still asks a young blood for confirmation though. The young blood seems to quake, his voice rushes through her name and he shoots her terrified glances. As if worried she'll lend him the same treatment as she did the warrior.

I hear one of the warriors chuckle slightly. It's too quiet for anyone beyond our table to hear; but we hear and we all look at him curiously.

"Look at her!" He says in answer.

We all turn to look, I watch in disbelief as she strokes his face and helps him up.

He bows his head to her, a sign of submission. An accepting of punishment. But she doesn't hurt him even more. Instead she chooses to speak. Her lips move as they caress the words. I watch with a dull ache in my chest.

Her manner is curious, then quickly turns disbelief when he says something back. She rocks back on her heels a few times. Chewing her lip with her perfect teeth. I swallow thickly; I want her more than she will ever know. Her very being draws me to her. I don't even need to touch her. I simply need to hear her talk. See her lips and tongue and teeth work together in a beautiful trio to form the words. I want her to smile at me. Just for me. I want her to curl up against me. I want everything from her. The dull ache in my chest turns into a burning throb.

I watch with unseeing eyes as the insignificant warrior turns to leave. After a few more moments of rocking my goddess stand up and walks out. The Elder allows her to leave. Simply watching her guarded frame as her muscles clench and unclench, contract and release in an effort to get her out of the hall.

I swallow once she leaves; taking everything of mine with her.

* * *

"Have we gone over every last detail?" The other warrior asks.

Kha'bj-te nods; confirming it. "We have enough supplies, enough weapons, if we run out of food or water I checked a there is water on the planet. We can always eat the natural game."

The other warrior nods.

He glances at me but doesn't say anything. I know the question is at the tip of his tongue. I have only spoken the barest of words. Do not answer questions unless they are directed at me alone. Everyone knows I am still a good hunter. I have proved it enough but my silence seems to unnerve everyone.

I see no reason to talk now. My thoughts are occupied an I cannot even comprehend the fact that as soon as she arrives we are due to leave. I have missed her again.

The warrior seems to be done looking at me and has instead got up so he can go and pack what he needs. As soon as the door slides shut Kha'bj-te is looking at me, worry seeping out of every pore.

"Hul'tah." He seems to struggle with his words. "You do not have to go. You can stay on the ship. Stay with her."

I realise then that he is the best friend anyone could ask for. The idea is so tantalising. I could stay and spend time with her. Introduce myself. Start something. It's what I've been deeming of for cycles, and yet... I look down and see the plan, the maps, the lists of cargo. I feel that this is an important moment, a moment of who I will choose. Who means the most to me. Again I glance down at the lab-led map of our hunting grounds.

I shake my head, "No, we have planned this for a long time. I will always see her again. We shall leave tomorrow as planned."

He nods, "Thank you."

* * *

I am piloting the ship for the duration of the journey. Preferring to hide myself in the pilot's room than actually speak to any of the younglings. They all know of me and Kha'bj-te. They know how quickly we advanced. How we have the most trophies for someone of our age. They know Kha'bj-te is playful. Quick to act. Quick do accuse. Quick to forgive.

They know almost nothing of me.

They know I almost never speak. They know I am deadly.

But that is all they know about me.

They know my father was a bad blood.

But that is a completely different thing all together. Some regard me with suspicion. Some with respect but it doesn't matter. Their opinions mean nothing to me. All that matter is _her_.

And it's at that moment that I smell her.

She is walking through the docking bay and I feel a stab of loss. Is she leaving already? Will I not catch a glimpse of her again for cycles?

I resign myself to the loss as I turn towards the controls.

Then she enters the ship. I stiffen and smell as walks on. Steps confident yet guarded. Her scent is guarded too. Masked by many human products. I think that might be the reason why I don't notice until she sits down in the main room with the others. The smell is incredible, a beautiful blend of hormones and pheromones that invades my nostril's.

So different from a yaujta female, yet it is undoubtable.

I know the others have not noticed. I don't smell any of their musks being released into the ship's air. They do not know her scent as well as I do and they cannot smell it under the layers of human chemicals.

She is in heat.

I groan and sink down into the pilot's chair. Her smell assaults me. Begging me to go and touch her. I long for her but I must resist the urge.

I force myself to take a shuddering breath through my mouth in the hopes that it might help clear my mind. But no, now I can_ taste_ it. Heavy and sweet, cloying through the air. Begging for a touch. Just one touch.

I fight myself as I launch the ship.

The rest of the flight is spent with me keeping a rock solid demeanour in the chair. My hands grasp the seat arms and I am going mad with the desire to put my own musk through the air. I keep completely still, I know that if I move, if I even twitch a finger my exterior will crack and I will have no choice but to jump on her.

I shiver as we move closer to our destination.

* * *

It is dark and yet I see a soft light glimmer in the distance. I alight the ship before her smell assaults me again. I thank Paya the others have not noticed it. The young bloods and maybe even the blooded would not be able to contain themselves. I shiver silently at the thought.

I make my way over before stopping. What is she does not desire company? What if she is content to sit on her own?

I stand, not sure if I should advance.

But then her soft voice breaks the stillness.

"You can sit down if you want." She pats the space next to her and I am only so happy to oblige. I make my way forward and plop down ungracefully next to her.

The flickering firelight makes strange patterns against her skin. Illuminating it's silky softness. Her scent hangs in the air. Making my head seem heavy and my thoughts jumble up.

She looks up at me, and even I can feel the emotions burn through my eyes beneath the mask.

I see her shiver and have to try not the push her down and take her right there. My desire to mate with her is strong. But my desire to simply _be_ with her dwarfs everything. I wish to be the one she comes to for help. Wish to be the one she confides in. My want for _her_ is so strong I am able to squash the primal need to mate.

"Um? Sweet cheeks?..." The endearment is like a slap to the face. It is the same one she used when we first met. I have no illusions that she actually remembers me but it makes my head swim anyway.

She's looking at me and I smile beneath the mask, I'm trying to express everything I can, but it can't be put into words so I remain silent.

"Wanna play hooky?"

I have no idea what she means but with the hormones covering all my senses in a dull blanket of pleasure I would follow her anywhere.

* * *

We stand at the top of a waterfall. The water below crashes and swirls. The noise loud compared to the stillness of the jungle.

She peeks at me under a curtain of hair. She seems all of a sudden shy for some unknown reason. I look at her, cocking my head to the side in confusion.

When she start to life her top layer of clothing off her hear my heart stops.

I see her arms lift up, the moonlight reflecting off her skin. Her muscles tense and bunch. Her sides stretch up, looking smooth. My mouth feels dry.

The delicate collarbones cast gentle shadows over her chest. Her breasts concealed for the most part under another layer of clothing.

I shiver. The desire is making me weak headed.

Her spinal bones jut out from her back. The vertebrae close enough to run my fingers over. I restrain myself and instead watch wide-eyed as she pulls off her skirt, revealing her graceful legs. My eyes travel up, starting at her delicate feel. So much smaller than my own and each perfect toe tipped with a crescent of nail. My gaze moves to her smooth calves, gracefully contracting and releasing as she shifts form one foot to the other.

Her thighs are next under my scrutiny. The skin smooth and unblemished, strong looking. My head fills with images that I push away.

Now is not the time.

I drag my gaze away from staring at the juncture of her thighs and look up at her face. I am immediately lost in it. I still do not know what she's doing. Does she want to mate? The idea is ludicrous, in heat or not I doubt the idea furiously.

I watch as she places her hand on her hips, her perfect child-birthing hips. Just wide enough that I could rest my hand on them and looks up at me.

"We're going waterfall jumping." She states and all of a sudden the meaning becomes clear.

I make quick work of my own clothing. Hastily removing it and laying it down. I reach up to unclip my mask last. I know she knows what the yaujta look like and yet I'm still scared. My hands tremble lightly and I am terrified of rejection. I look nothing like her. I look nothing like a human.

Once the mask is off I see her staring, her eyes caress my face. Gently sweeping it until I reach her eyes. They seem to glow slightly but the soft smooth skin of her face interests me more. I see her tremble slightly as she looks into my eyes. Then I see her own burn with a strange resolve. I watch as she jogs back to our piles of belonging and reaches up to undo the claps to the piece of clothing that houses her breasts. My eyes widen as she places it on the pile of clothing.

Her skin is so soft. Smooth. Scarred yet perfect. She covers herself with an arm but they still jump slightly as she runs back causing fireworks to ignite themselves in every corner of my body. She glances up at me with a smile on her lips and I smile back down at her. My mandibles long to bury themselves in her hair but I resist. I am simply content to stand here. With her.

She reaches out with a hand and I take it without a second thought. My gaze is rooted to our intertwined appendages. This is more than I could have ever asked for.

I swallow as her plump lips curve upwards. It tortures my already bruised heart. Ripping and clawing.

She them jumps.

She screams an undecipherable human word. Screams reverberating around the jungle. I am roaring and when she turns to look at me and we plunge through the air she look alive; euphoric. Lit up from the very inside. I vow to myself coax this look out of her at every opportunity.

Then we plunge into the water. It is cold and knock the breath out of me, but any that I mange to get back is again taken away by her. She is laughing and splashing and kicking and for a moment a curious thought over takes me.

How old is she?

But when she grabs my hand and touches my face and begins to paddle to the shore the question jumps out of my mind.

I see her suddenly realise that our belonging are at the top of the waterfall and we are at the bottom.

I see her sigh and I am copy the movement.

She turns to me and she has seemed to have given up her desire to cover herself. The skin glows in the dim light and I allow myself to use my eyes and wander. The rosy bud of a nipple peaks slightly in the air. Desire burns in the pit of my abdomen.

I see her wander away to the base of the cliff and I follow.

She turns to me.

"We are going to climb this."

My answer is to pick her up the way I did when I found her on her ship all that time ago.

"Wooooaaaaaah sugar sticks! What are you doing?"

Another endearment. This one sounds even sweeter. I simply cradle her and climb. I can feel her shift slightly in my arms as we ascend. Her hard nipples brush against my chest and I have to fight the urge to growl in pleasure.

I shift her to one arm as we reach a vertical section.

Her rear snuggled perfectly against my forearm. Her head against my shoulder. She fit to me like a puzzle piece. As I feel her breast stroke against me again I also feel her seize up. I can smell her emotions. Hot and heavy in the air. Fear, worry, disgust, desire. It's a strange cocktail. One that makes me confused.

When she passes out in my arms I gently cradle her as I carry her up. When we reach the top I lay her down next to her clothes. I know I will have to dress her as it seems she won't be waking up anytime soon.

I wonder why she was afraid. I think back to what happened.

I think back to what emotion accompanied the fear.

Desire.

I think back to the dining hall.

Even though it was obvious she would win the fight she was still terrified of him the moment he laid a hand on her.

Before she dismissed the fear.

I look down at her. Her hair is spread out and I wonder what it is. What is it that makes her so afraid?

I dress her carefully. Slipping on her clothes slowly.

I brush her hair from her face and watch her as she lies there.

Then I decide what I will do.

I can smell her heat from here. The tantalisingly delicious blend of scents.

I can also smell the absence of the human chemicals that covered her. The water has washed them away.

I clench a fist. If the other could smell her...

I decide that I will sedate her for the rest of the journey. I must to keep her from harm. She will sleep peacefully in her room while her heat cycle passes.

I nod at her.

Even unconscious she is so beautiful.

As I pick her up to take her back to the ship I bury my face in her hair. Mandibles curving through the strands.

She moans and snuggles closer to me.

I hear the sound of a piece of me breaking off and floating away.


	11. Was it roofies?

I could see the stars.

Their light was blinding. Swirling masses of gas and heat. Sparkling. Sparkly..

I reached out to touch one, my hand grasped air.

I made a disgruntled noise. Watching as the stars swirled effortlessly above me, just out of my reach.

At my whine of discomfort I saw someone materialize out of thin air beside me. I giggled. It was Oprah!

She looked me over, clicking disapprovingly. I wondered breifly where the sound came from but I was floating on layers of happy bliss. When she reached dawn to poke my arm with a surprisingly sharp nail tipped finger I playfully swatted her away.

"Oprah!" I was laughing now. My stomach muscles convulsing as I held in my stomach with my hands. "That tickles!"

Oprah cocked her head to the side and when I reached up to touch her face as it started swirling. I squinted, trying to get a better look at her.

"Where are you going?" I asked her disappearing features.

Oprah didn't answer as her face faded away. Leaving only her smile.

Her Cheshire cat smile.

I smiled up at Cheshire, with his pretty stripes.

"You're so pretty. You're prettier than the stars that were here." I motion above my head to where the stars had hovered; just out of my reach.

I start singing twinkle twinkly little star softly as I watch Chesire morph.

"Bye bye!" I try to call after him.

In his place stands a yaujta. He looks familiar, but I can't place him.

"Hi," I feel sleepy as I look up at him, "You have beautiful eyes."

Then the room starts spinning again. Only it's not just stars or a face. The colours swirl together like paint that's being washed down the sink.

I giggle again and snuggle deeper into the soft surface I'm lying on.

Just one more sleep.

* * *

I wake slowly. Feeling every individual part of my body come alive slowly. I wriggle my toes then flex my calves. I feel my thighs gather feeling then lie in wait as it travels up to my hips. My stomach tingles and soon my finger tips feel the same.

My arms take their time to yawn before I can move them. I stretch languorously; feeling every muscle pop into place.

I feel better rested than I have in a while and when I look up at the ceiling it takes me a while to recognise the roof of the room I have on the clan ship. I smile to myself, it'll be time to go on the hunting trip with those warriors soon.

Then my brain readjusts.

I frown, haven't I already been on that hunting trip?

Wait yes... yes I have! I was on the ship! And I had a nice conversation with a guy that kept giving me weird looks... Then I freaked out a few of the younger members of the crew. Actually scratch that, I freaked all of them out.

Then.. then... Now I'm just confused. I try to latch onto something. A clue to what happened. Anything.

All I can remember are a pair of really super intense eyes. They were attached to a body too... And there was water and jumping and...

HOLY FUCK! I WENT WATERFALL JUMPING TOPLESS WITH A RANDOM GUY!  
Dear lord... I jump and and immediately feel the urge to sit back down. Who am I to refuse my body's requests?

I sit down and try to remember more. I swear, I am _done_ with memory gaps. I am gonna start writing down every little thing I do. This is not worth the stress of writing down a few piddly things. I fume for a bit before I decide t take a bath. Baths are calming. Baths are nice. Baths are warm.

Plus my hair is the greasiest I've ever seen it.

I stumble into the bathroom only to find something rather disturbing.

Period? Period? Now?! Christ's sake! I haven't been on my period since I started my absurd space travels! I do _not_ need this! Plus now I can't have a bath! And these alien things don't have pads, I'm pretty sure. Or tampons... Or other period things.

Well there's only one thing I can do. I look at my bed-sheets grimly before starting the ripping process.

"Sorry," I tell them honestly as I tear them to small pad shaped pieces, "It's not you, it's me."

* * *

As I lie in my bath I further ponder the meaning of life as usual. It's a nice past time. Equal parts frustrating and relaxing.

I hum the tune to back in black as the calm seeps over me and the warm water soothes my raging ovaries.

Well, at least I know why I was being so emotional. It was the damn hormones. The oestrogen and progesterone and maybe even testosterone taking my fragile brain and playing catch with it.

I feel like crying all of a sudden and know that what I need is gummy bears, chocolate, blankets, red wine, calories, The Notebook, Dear John and a large heaping of Jeremy Renner.

And possibly some cake. Lots of cake in fact. Fudge cake. And brownies. And bacon. And vodka. But not all together like the cocktail from hell.

I shudder slightly at the thought before my insane cravings floors me like a bulldozer of starvation.

I jump out of the bath and suddenly my thoughts are primarily on food and getting it in my mouth.

NOW.

I grab the nearest thing I can find which just happens to be skater dress I had no idea I owned. It's a little on the short side and I have to be worried about flashing the general population but in my current hormonally charged state I could be capable of anything... Including ripping of some perv's junk.

But right now I need the kitchens. I'm sure they can make food.

So I run for it. I'm sprinting down corridors, yanking open doors. Causing mayhem and following my nose. All in a day's work.

After an extremely long pointless run I sink down to my knees outside the sciencey room. I don't have time for any of this... The ten tonnes of bed-sheet I've shoved down my knickers don't really seem to help matters in any way. I glare at the science door until I remember something... My i-pod! I jump up, all thoughts of hopelessness leaving me in a flash. The thought of good music can do that to you.

I'm also slightly suspicious of how I managed to loose almost a week of time, I'm sure these people know something.

I march in like I own the place.

"I-pod."

They hurry around before shoving it and my modified charger in my hands. Apparently it'll charge itself forever. Like their wrist computers.

I'm pleased as punch at this stage and plug myself in without a second thought.

Soon I', dancing down the corridor singing man eater a little too loudly and I'm sure a little off tune too. Nelly's really going for it and as I swivel my hips down the hall I feel the strangest sense of womanly empowerment and sexiness come over me.

"Make you work hard, make you sweat hard..."

I'm just about to slut drop it when I notice I'm being watched.

By the general public of this ship.

I wonder if I've flashed them, then I realise I don't care.

I skip away without a second thought.

* * *

I find myself in the eta's quarters. Basically eta is a synonym for disabled servant. Nice.

I decide to cheer up their day.

"Hellooooooo you sexay thang!"

I'm pretty sure the random hobbling eta has no idea what I'm saying but he looks pleased anyway.

"I need food." I tell him, a serious look on my face.

I see him nod and motion two more over. They all look at me with barely restrained awe in their eyes and I resist the strong urge to rip someone's junk off. I mean, the attention is nice and blah blah blah but I just want food!

I sling my arms over their shoulders and feel them tense up. I'm pretty sure by this point that none of the "honoured warriors" ever touch them unless it's a friendly kick up the arse.

At this point I decide they need a change.

I let them lead me to their main room where many of them are resting. I see them, spread out with about three blankets between them.

I sigh, feeling slightly saddened. It's like the caste system in India. Or maybe just being born into not-so-good situation.

Then I decide they need some cheering up.

"Anyone here speak English?"

I see the sleeping ones pop their heads up for a look at whoever disrupted their sleep before gasping and jumping to their feet at the sight of me.

"Anyone?"

An old guy (probably got injured in a hunt towards the end of his glory days; might have even hunted humans) steps forward and points to the ear then to me.

The meaning is clear, "No speaky, but I can hear what ever shit your spouting."

Then I pause, it's been a while since I swore. True, only a few hours but I've noticed that my potty mouth has become slightly cleaner. I struggle with this for a second. Why? I think for a second before the answer bowels me over like a freight train.

"I'm sober!" I yell at the surprised etas.

I grab the old guy and kiss him on the cheeks, not minding that he towers above me.

"I'm stone cold sober!" I begin doing the snoopy happy dance combined with the jersey shore fist pump.

After I run out of fun with that I stop and beam at everyone.

"I am soooooooo sober right now."

The etas don't understand but just keep staring.

I look at the old guy who's staring me at shock, cuz I kissed him or cuz of my amazing dance nobody can be sure.

"Do you have anything sweet?" I ask hopefully.

I see him recover in an instant and bark at some young looking thing to get something "click click hiss".

I sink down to the ground and see the other standing awkwardly. Obviously not sure what to do.

I grin at them, "I promise I won't bite any of your penises off. Please sit down and ask questions."

It feels like a bloody meet n' greet but after they get over their initial feat that I came down here to kill them all they actually start warming up to me (I think) and start asking detailed questions about my hunt and the old guy I killed and did I _really_ attack the guy who was coming onto me in the dining room.

Well... I try to give as much detail as possible. Then I finally ask a question of my own, all translated through the old guy.

"Ok, basics I went on this hunt with other people a few days ago. Then I went for a swim with one of the guys. Then I passed out and didn't wake up until this morning. What the hell happened?"

When I say it out loud it sounds even worse and I am getting genuinely worried until one of the guys steps forward. He looks vaguely medically and he makes a motion like he wants to smell me so I let him. What do I have to loose?

As soon as he breathes in my scent I sense his demeanour changing. He immediately begin to smell/taste/breathe/whatever in more earnest and gets this confused look on his face like "what?".

I look to him, not really sure what to expect.

"What?" I'm beginning to feel slightly nervous by this point.

He frowns and chitters to the old guy. The guy can't speak english but I see his eyes widen. As well as everyone else's.

Time for a game of twenty questions.

I go with what seems like a good one.

"Was I attacked during the hunt."

No.

"Did I pass out because of natural causes?"

No.

"Was I drugged?"

Yes.

I lean back. Drugged. That never has a good ring to it.

"Roofies?"

He looks confused and I have to assume they don't know what the drug is.

"Pain killer?"

No.

"Sedative?'

Yes.

I think it over. Sedative... I passed out while I was with that guys. That yaujta with nice eyes who didn't stare at my boobs or try to jump me..

Then I ask my next question.

"Who did it?"

I see the medical man move forward. He's a lot closer than last time and I assume that's because the scent has mostly worn away.

He smells for longer this time. Really going in deep before his eyes snap open and he stumbles back.

He chitters in amazement and I feel a little nervous by this point. Was it mating obsessed elder?

Turns out it wasn't.

"Was it one of the young ones."

He seems to hesitate on this.

"Someone who is young but isn't in status?"

I'm quite pleased of my thinking this question up and when the answer is yes I feel pretty happy.

"Any more clues?"

Then old guy speaks.

First time and I'm pretty sure his word repertoire is limited and this is one of the only words he knows.

"Bad blood's child."

The eta all hiss and look at each other.

I just feel confused.

What?

There hasn't been any bad bloods on that trip.

Or bad blood's sons.

Im pretty sure.

Or am I?

Some digging is in order...


	12. The plural of penis is peni

Okay... There were two things that I did know.

One; I had been drugged with a heavy sedative all through the trip.

Two; apparently I'd been drugged by "bad blood's son".

Those were the two things that I did know. Knowing and understanding were two completely different things. I did not understand one bit. So basically, bad bad blood's son had drugged me. That made sense. That was cool. That was completely fine considering that I tried to eat a couple of bad blood's a few months (have no idea how long I've been here,could be years for all I know) ago. So their son might have drugged me so he could carry out some sort of insane revenge.

My first thoughts had been rape. Knock me out with this date-rape-sedative then rape me then dump me in my room, tuck the covers up around me and leave me feeling the most rested I'd had since I stumbled into this crazy space dream.

Yeah, not likely.

Plus when I'd run away from the eta room like a flaming chicken cow was hot on my heels screaming obscenities at everyone who passed I realised that my lower area was in no way compromised. I mean, my crown jewels felt completely fine. Didn't even twinge and weren't they supposed to be real twingey considering oh, I don't know... _alien_ penis?!

These things were eight to ten feet tall. Their clenched fists were the size of my head. And you know what people say about guys with big hands... In fact? (My mind was doing the tangent dance again) did these guys even have penises? I mean, seriously? They are _aliens_, I am a _human_. I'm pretty sure they don't even have a penis. They probably have tentacles. That lead to the thought of Japanese alien porn. I suddenly felt the cake (it wasn't really cake, it was just sloppy sweet stuff) I'd eaten with the etas start doing backflips.

It's the sex factor.

I mean, actually the fear of sex wasn't so bad now that I was _stone cold sober._ I mean, wow! I haven;t felt this clear headed in a long time. I didn't even know you could feel this clear headed. I started singing the song me and my friends had made up in year six: "The plural of cactus is cacti.. The plural of penis is peni..."

Now I was starting to feel all shades of nostalgic.I tried to reach into memories of my friends and discovered in awe that it was completely possible. This sober thing was awesome! Especially since I was getting the insane temptation to eat someone's head. I actually felt somewhat normal. And I wasn't so sure if that was a bad of a good thing...

But anyways... back to being drugged. My lady parts felt good so no rape.

And I couldn't think of any other reason to have been drugged.

Maybe I was dying after passing out and awesome eyes had to drug me so he could operate and stuff.

But then again awesome eyes wasn't a bad blood's son.

Or was he?

It was a legit question to ask, this guy had seen me topless. And I like to at least know my guys parenting before I pull out the playboy. I was skipping now, and blaming my weird mood swings on my unpredictable ovaries.

"The plural of cactus is cacti, the plural of penis is peni!"

Seriously? I didn't think a stupider song actually existed... But it _was_ funny and made me miss home and _shut up_!

At this point missing home wasn't what I wanted, it was more of a death sentence. But I still missed it. I missed the hot showers and snow and rain and shopping and sea and sand and sleepover and waffles and pancakes and I was going insane.

All I wanted was some cake.

Is cake so hard to ask for?

At this point I was curled up in the middle of my bed clutching my womb and moaning about cake. The mood swing strikes again.

* * *

I couldn't move. Like seriously. I refuse to move. I refuse to leave this room. I refuse to do _anything_ that stupid Elder wants. He just dropped a bomb on me. An atomic nuclear wiping out the world bomb.

On my head.

Then he steamrollered over it. They he rubbed salt into all my wounds. Then he dunked me into a tank of lemon juice infused sulphuric acid.

Then he assigned _guards_ outside to make sure I  
didn't run off". Oh, he was on the money with that one. I was ready to go kill anything in my path to get out. I was ready to start turning into an eating people zombie again. But I can't, cuz unlocking crazy juice requires alcohol. Hate to say it.. and they aren't letting me near the c'tnlip.

SHITFUCKBALLS.

I can't stay here. I have to fucking leave. All I'm doing right now is hyperventilating and crying and fucking wishing that I could just _leave._ But not before I kill mating-obsessed elder in the most painful way possible.

Guess what? Guess what?!

Mating obsessed fucktard decided that I was "lonely" and I need a "mate" to help me "adjust". Bull, bull and bull right there!

He discovered that I went to visit the eta and decided that bada bing bada boom that meant that I needed a mate.

What?

What the fuck does that even mean?

So we're back to the original problem.

I'm locked in my room with no way of getting out and I'm going to have some sweaty yaujta male trying to shove his tentacles in my blood soaked va jay jay in a while.

I lie down to do the one thing I haven't done in a while.

I lie down to cry.

* * *

I'm woken by the Elder shaking my shoulder. He looks even more cheerful than usual and starts rambling about how he found "so many willing to fight".

I'm about to cry again when I realise that I need a clear non-teary head to figure the best way of killing the elder. So with a evil smirk and a change of clothes a skip forward to meet my destiny/doom/rapist.

Well. When he said many he wasn't kidding. The little dojo is packed, and this is not a good thing. I lean back in my seat while I imagine what it would be like to break of the elder's mandibles and force him to eat them. Or maybe I should feed him his intestines... It's a mystery. What would be more painful and last the longest? Well, the intestine one would probably make him bleed out and die the quickest so maybe not. I want him alive after all.

I'll blend the mandibles together to make a pretty gross smoothie. Make him drink it, then not tell him what was in it until he's drunk the whole thing.

Before me the fight starts but I can't be bothered to watch, I'm too busy day dreaming.

I've only just figured out the perfect way to kill him, (It included , but was not limited to: acid, boiling oil, lots of knives, breaking bones and yeah, you get the the picture. Fun fun fun!) but of course, considering my luck, that's when the final guy wins to go and drag me off to bed. If he touches me someone's gonna loose their penis tentacle.

The Elder or rather That Fucker is shooting me over joyed looks and I'm trying to resist the urge to shoot him death rays.

When the guy that has "won" me (how wrong does that sound?) scoops me up bridal style and begins to walk away with me to wherever the hell he's taking me I begin to panic slightly.

"Where're we going?!" I ask. I'm trying not to freak out to much but even I can feel the fear in my tone. The extreme fear and terror and yeah. If you were being carried away to be raped you wouldn't be feeling so peachy either. I'm struggling slightly until this nine-foot tall monster gently reaches forward to smell my hair.

What?

All of a sudden, I'm pretty glad I washed it.

The action is soothing, combined with the purring sounds he's making. It feels kinda familiar. Like I've had someone's mandibles all over my hair before. But I haven't.

Right?

I feel myself getting sleepy, but I feel safe. So I just snuggle up and lock away my brain. I'll just let my messed up emotions do the talking.

He's carrying me oh-so-gently and is it me or is this romantic stuff really getting to me?

It's the hormones my brain helpfully supplies from behind it's locked door.

Shudup. I tell it sleepily.

* * *

I wake with a start. I'm wrapped up in someone else's arms and I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack. My breathing's speeding up. But that's when the arms retreat. Whoever they belong to is obvious awake. I roll over on my side to gaze up into the masked face of the yaujta who "won" me. Well, not really won. More like no one bothered to ask me how I felt about having a "mate".

It could be worse, I still have all my clothes on and the only reason my ovaries are aching is the blood that's dripping out.

That's when I realise we're no longer on the clan ship.

I jump up and run over to the window, I see space speeding past and turn in a flash to look at my "partner".

"Where're we going?"

He shrugs and I realise we're not really going anywhere. Just cruising. Well, that's slightly romantic; I guess.

I lean over to unclip their mask. I wanna know who it is. I don't know anyone on the ship but I might recognise him. Maybe?

Who am I kidding? I don't know anyone.

He seems to realise what I want and reaches up to unclip the mask. The pipes hiss with air as he pulls it off and the tension is rising.

I feel the urge to make a drumroll but realise that it probably isn't the time.

I look up at him, only to do a double take before he speaks the first words he's even spoken to me.

"My name is Hul'tah."


	13. Constellations across collarbones

"Soooo... Have you kidnapped me?"

Head shaking.

"Right."

I look around. Then back to awesome eyes.

"I'm really glad it's you." I say, the first sincere thing I've probably said in all the months I've spent wandering the universe.

Is it just me or does he look happier?

I suddenly feel a rush of warmth and affection for this yuajta that fought practically everyone on that goddamn ship to be my "mate" and decide that he's not even gonna make me mate with him.

I walk over to sit in his lap. I snuggle up and it's all comfy feeling and crazy isn't talking and my brain is being quiet for the first time in a long time and everything's peaceful and nice.

I reach my arms up around his neck and cuddle even closer.

"Thank you." I sigh into his neck.

He's so solid. So stable. Maybe we can make something of this. He's already seen my boobs. So yeah. This might actually work out.

I shift in his lap and reach for my ipod. I hand him a ear-bud.

"Wanna listen?"

He reaches an plucks the bud from my hand, it's dwarfed by his hand, looking smaller than ever, and reaches up to shove it in his ear.

I decide to educate him in music the good way. I start off with a nice combo of electronic with can't get better than this (parachute youth, have no idea what the singer is actually singing and it all blends into white noise during the song), then I move to fucks going on (one of my favourites, it's hilarious. Plus good melody for a song that swears more than I do), then I give him some Eminem, Lil' Wayne, Snoop dog, Lady Gaga and the like. He seems confused but seems to be keeping up. Next we have Marina and Lana up for the count. I hum along to how to be a heartbreaker and feel kinda upset during this is what makes us girls. How are you supposed to feel with a song that basically talks the same stuff as I've lived with.

He seems especially interested Nina Nesbitt and Couer De Pirate (one of my favourites!), he purrs happily while he hold me. And I have to say, it's actually really nice. It's nice being held by strong comforting arms while not having to worry about being molested and the like. It's nice having someone appreciate my weird taste in music and to have them chitter excitedly every time I chose a new song. It was nice and simple. And dare I say it all warm and fuzzy and affectionate too.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. Me picking songs while he non-judgementally listened to each one and seemed genuinely excited to listen to what I liked listening too. It was nice.

But eventually my stomach growled and I laughed. The last thing I had eaten had been that yummy sloppy sweet stuff that I had gotten off the etas.

He gently helped me up and lead me towards a kitchen area. Weird, he knew I was hungry without me even having to say it. Sweet!

He sat me down on a counter-top that was way too tall for me. It was weird the way he picked me up. Gentle and caring and as if he might accidentally break me. After so long being hustled around even back home. Acting like I was strong and unbreakable and all powerful and deadly it was so nice to finally being cared for. No big decisions. Just what do you want to eat. Not "do you feel like killing this mofo"?

Hul'tah (I'm pretty sure that's his name) is picking up different items of food and showing them to me. There's meat that makes my mouth water. There's fruit. And stuff that I assume must be vegetables. There's even bread.

I point to the meat and he nods and grabs something that looks like a blowtorch and starts burning it. I then realise he's cooking it for me. How sweet! I practically don't have to do anything except sit there. He even feeds me. And he does a great job. The pieces are never too big. The meat's not too hot. Everything's just the right temperature and I find myself sucking on his fingers at some point; eliciting strange purrs from him. I laugh at his reaction.

The best part is the fact that the action is supposed to be so sexual, but it isn't. It's just sweet. I grin as he feeds me some fruit. Then some bread.

I nip at his fingers a few times which seems to amuse him no end. After I'm done eating I leap up from the counter and jump on him. He stumbles a bit but keep his balance. Clutching me and laughing along to my giggles.

That night I sleep in the same bed as him. His arms wrap around my waist and I wriggle to get closer to his chest. He's so warm and comfortable and I feel _safe_. I want to cry with happiness because the funny thing is I can imagine spending the rest of my life with him. Sleeping like this every night. Simply existing.

I don't need passionate love and hot sex (the word still manages to make me cringe), I just want affection.

And because of that I flip around so my face is in his chest and I wrap my arms around him and snuggle in for a lovely night.

I feel him purr me to sleep and the last thing I remember is being clear-headed, warm, well-fed and safe. Something that hasn't happened in a long time.

* * *

When I wake up he's still there. It's amazing. This isn't supposed to happen. He's supposed to leave me. Nobody gets happiness. I immediately think back to Britney Spears and her song unusual you. I shake my head slightly to clear it and when he purrs I know he's been awake for a little while. I smile into his chest muscles and listen to the increase in his purrs as I plant butterfly kisses down his stomach.

The feeling safe bit must be really getting to me.

I can barely comprehend what I'm doing but it doesn't matter because it's making him happy and that's all I want. I want to make him happy because he deserves it. He's made me so happy.

I reach up to his face and stroke a mandible.

"Morning darlin'."

It sounds unbelievably domestic but it's fine. It's fine because I feel happy and safe and can I say it? Unbelievably domestic.

Maybe we can make a deal. He keeps the warm, safe, happy feeling here and I'll do whatever he wants (excluding the sex factor). I'll be his little human slave. I'll cook and clean, you name it. I just want the happy feeling.

* * *

We're star gazing. Well, as close to star gazing as you can get. We're lying on our backs in the mapping room staring up at the stars. Our hands are intertwined, our fingers laced together and I'm pointing up to the various stars. I'm talking quickly. I know I don't need to. The silence would be comfortable but I just want to talk. He doesn't talk. But that jut makes every word that I coax out of him all the more special.

"All the love stories on earth are the same. People believe in true love. Everyone does deep down. Even the most hardened cynic still has a small place for true love." I look up at him, he stares down. He understands every word I'm saying. I know it.

"The love stories all go like this: Boy meet girl. They feel chemistry. Something happens. They're together for all eternity."  
I look down at our intertwined fingers.

"It doesn't always work that way." I whisper.

He looks down at me and I feel as though I'm standing at the edge of some kind of ledge, a step away from falling into the abyss. So cheesy, but so true.

I think he feels it too because he begins to speak. "My father is a bad blood. I never knew him and my mother is already dead, I think she might have cared for me."

I nod. I get this.

"People believe I am bad because of what my father did."

I nod, I get this. It happens all the time. Sad but true.

He sighs and squeezes my hand. "It doesn't matter at all." And looking up at him I know it's true. It doesn't bother him at all.

I swallow. I feel like I need to tell him something about me. I feel like he needs to know. I swallow again, harder this time.

"I get scared." I manage to croak out.

He immediately turns to me.

"What do you get scared by?" His tone is gentle, understanding. Yet I still feel like I can't tell him.

I shake my head, "Can't get the words out." I answer. I'm honest. I don't want to hide anything.

He understands and scoops me into his arms as if I'm a baby.

That bursts the dam, I'm crying now. The tears flow feely.

"I don't want all this shit." I sob, "I'm too young for this! I want to play with barbies and worry about maths tests. I don't want to run across the galaxy killing people and having everyone look at me as though they expect me to jump up and eat them!"

He doesn't try to stop me, just lets me sob it out like the bitch I am.

"I've been drinking since I was twelve. A bottle of sparkling rosé later and I was addicted to the feeling it gave me! So free and floaty! But my tolerance was to high. I couldn't get pissed as easily as I wanted. I was still too young looking to go buy and stealing was out of the question. My parents wanted to know where their money went so I couldn't pay some guy at school to give me some."

My sobs are still going. Punctuating each word with little gasps. Making me feel like a crying movie heroine though what I'm crying about isn't very heroine-ish in the least. "I went to every party I could. I lied to my parents about sleepovers, I lied to everyone. I wore short skirts and tight tops. I wore heels that were too tall for me and pretended I was the same age as all of them when I was two years younger! I partied with people in the older years. People who were three or four years older! I let guys look me over. Let them see everything just for the drink. I acted stupid. I acted dumb so they'd let me in. Everyone thought I was a slut but I'm still a virgin!"

The tears are still leaking. He's turned to stroking my back now. "I was so desperate once. My hands were shaking so bad. Everything was getting blurry one day at school that I begged this guy. I _begged_ him to let me suck him off, all for the bottle of cognac he had in his locker."

I sob again at the memory. "I've never felt so _bad_ in my entire life. Not ashamed, just _bad._" At this point I reach up to my face to wipe away the tears only to find that he wants to help. His hands cradle my cheeks. Drawing patters across my nose. "They all wanted something after that. They always wanted something. Something I couldn't give. I couldn't give anything anymore. I couldn't even let them touch me." He seems to understand. His claws drawing constellations across my collarbones. "But I had to play along. Play along to get my fix. Sway my hips and act like I knew what they were talking about when they whispered to me about what they wanted to do. Wanted to do to my _body_." He growls at this point. The sound protective and sweet. Drawing heat and life into my lifeless heart. I look up at him, my face blotchy and quite frankly quite disgusting.

"I was in a vicious cycle. And now I'm in space." I look up at him with a wry smile.

"Maybe I've finally gone crazy."

He shakes his head, arms wrapping around me even tighter.

"You make me feel warm and fuzzy and safe." I can't look at him, "Please don't leave me. Please please please don't leave me."  
I hear the growl rise up from his chest.

"Never leave you." He whispers into my hair. "Never unless you don't want me."

I wrap my arms around him and squeeze.

I don't know how long we stay like that.

Lying there on the map room floor.

Stars twinkling above us.

Smiling down at us.


	14. I'll have you for breakfast

I am constantly terrified. I'm always scared. Back in the way back when, back when life was simple and all I had to worry about was keeping my legs firmly crossed near the guys I was scared of everything.

I was scared of what other people thoughts of me. Scared of their judgement. Scared of their opinions. Though to be honest, I think everyone was. So in the end we lived our lives almost perpetually terrified of each other. Though it sounds strange when I say it it makes sense. We feel pressured to do things and in doing them pressure others so in the end we're all pressuring each other to be pressured. Confusing and correct. And sad.

I'm terrified of so many other things. I'm terrified of bees, wasps, hornets and the like. I'm terrified of getting stung. I've never been stung before but when I was really little, like three, an older boy who lived next door told me that when you get stung you an see all the way down to the bone and it's the most painful thing you'll ever feel. I have no idea why that's stuck with me but it has. I hate bugs of all kinds because of it. Hate being bitten or stung or crawled on.

I'm scared of pain. I can handle death. I'm not scared of dying (though I am afraid of what might be on the other side), I can handle the death bit. The endless oblivion might even end up being relaxing. Not having to worry about things like spelling or gammer or maths or getting fat or getting sick. It might even be nice.

But I am terrified of torture. I am scared witless (not shitless, being sober has it's perks) of pain. If I was ever a spy (which I'm not, thank the stars because I'd be useless) they'd only have to _show_ me the box their torture equipment came in before I'd break down.

Physical pain I cannot deal with. But mental anguish is a whole new ball game. My mind is bendy. Like chewing gum it only needs to be chewed a few times before it can be almost completely impervious to snapping.

I'm chewing on my mind as we speak. My feet swing almost a foot off the ground as I sit chained to this chair. It's not a very nice chair. I suspect it was made for someone quite a bit larger than me, so it's a bit of a slouch and the chains have to be pulled tight, but I'm too busy testing the edge of my mental limits to notice.

I can deal with emotional torture. I can deal with a lot of emotional and mental stuff before I break (or get stretched too hard). The problem is the following conundrum: I don't want to let crazy out,but she's my best bet at anything. Crazy is no better than me at physical pain but I'm hoping they won't use too much of that.

So I keep swinging my feet. I imagine the feeling of warm yaujta blood on my tongue. I imagine the feeling of ripping tendons and stringy sinews beneath my teeth. My sharp teeth that goes snippy snip to their delicate veins.

Crazy's coming out now and it's not like I could stop her if I tried.

I begin to sing a strange warbling version of silent all these years. My distorted version of Tori Amos echoes against the metal walls of my restraint. I wonder briefly if they would try to rape me. I wonder if I would even care. Normally Crazy heightens my senses and emotions. Like an alcho-pop. But today it feels as though I'm on heroin. Or something even stronger. Maybe even a strange version of LSD. I feel my brain swim in my skull and my consciousness floats above the clouds.

I switch seamlessly to marvin's room. I wonder who left her behind. I wonder how much it hurts. Briefly I wonder how much hurting is supposed to hurt. I wonder if I will ever hurt.

I don't produce answers so I keep swinging my legs.

Then the door bangs open, right on cue.

"Filthy ooman." He towering yaujta snarls. "You don't deserve to live."

I nod seriously, this guy obviously knows what he's talking about.

"You may be right."

He's stumped. Not that I can tell. I'm so far gone I can barely make out what he's saying.

"You shall submit to us."

I look up at him, my vision swims and blurs. He swims and blurs. His face bursts into a thousand stars and for a second I feel vaguely impressed with my mind's ability to protect itself. The chewing gum has been chomped sufficiently.

When I don't answer he slaps me. Hard. My face snaps to one side and I can taste blood. Funny, I can't feel much. I've been doused in my own brand of morphine, so I smile. I don't like my blood so I spit it out.

"Human blood is gross." I tell the massive guy.

He looks at me, and I see fear blossoming in his eyes as I keep speaking.

"I like yaujta blood better." I continue, oblivious to the way he's raising his hand again, "It tastes so much better. Like warm and salty. Like salty sea water."

I smile up at him, "I wanna go swimming."

The guy blanches. I can't sense his fear, I can't sense much but my subconscious is working like furious. His hand drops to his side.

"You're everything they said you were."

He leaves with slow stiff steps.

I call after him, malice and joy combining to make a deadly tone, "Don't go, the parties only getting started!"

I didn't know I was right. Or wrong. _My_ personal party was only beginning to rev up.

The next time they visit they bring awesome eyes.

His eyes widen when he sees me and he struggles against the two that restrain him. I'm not all together sure why.

"You hurt her." He snarls. He looks ready to kill. "You hurt her."

The guards look at each other nervously, though I'm not altogether sure why.

I feel strangely attached to this struggling yaujta. I'm not sure about that either.

Well, until they close the door that is.

I hear a lock slide into place and look excitedly at my three guests.

"Tea time!" I crow. I'm getting all warm and fuzzy feelings inside.

The two holding my baby (as I've begun to think of him) shoot nervous glances at each other. They seem to be weighing their options. One obviously think judgement day is near because he bolts for the door. Only to find it locked.

Thats when all hell breaks loose.

I have no idea what's happening, but I'm only too happy to throw myself into the mix when I feel someone snapping my chains.

I throw myself on the nearest guard person and begin to eat.

* * *

My baby is holding me, he's stroking my hair while I rest in his lap.

I look up at his warm judgement-free eyes and feel the urge to drink more blood. I crawl over to one of the dead corpses and begin to tear at the flesh. I feel mildly barbaric but my brain has fainted and left me along with my common sense a long time ago.

After I'm filled I crawl back over to my baby. He reaches out his arms to me and I snuggle in.

"We are on a bad blood's ship. We were captured not very long ago while asleep. They held me captive and asked me to join them. After it became apparent that being on the run for the rest of my life was not what I would want they left me alone in my locked cell. Then They brought me to you." He gestures to the beautiful carnage around the room, "Then this happened."

I murmur in agreement and feel his mandibles thread through my hair.

"Can we go eat more people soon?" I'm whining by this point, but it's not my fault. I'm just hungry.

I hear him chuckle.

"Soon, soon."

Soon comes quicker than we expect.

The door opens and an evil man walks through. He looks like he eats other yaujta for breakfast. Which is completely fine since I agree wholeheartedly with his eating habits.

"Huntress Penelope," He gives me a nod which I am all to happy to return. I try to give him a grin only to realise my teeth are stained with blood, and the men behind him look close to fainting.

Then he does something surprising, "Son." He reaches forward to pat my baby.

I feel confused, then suddenly all of a sudden everything slips into place. The blast of intelligence and sudden comprehensions dawns upon me.

"Sedative." I mutter.

Nobody seems to notice but I'm fine with that.

I spy the yaujta behind evil man. I narrow my eyes. I feel ready for some fun.

So I leap.

They never saw me coming. Neither do the others I kill as I go further down the blood lust road. And as I go down it just grows stronger and stronger until it consumes me. It's all I care about. I need to kill. I need to kill now. I need blood. I keep moving, killing, eating, feeding, drinking, vomiting. My frail human digestive system doesn't like yaujta blood in large quantities and feels the need for me to vomit it up. But I keep eating it. I love the taste. It's addictive.

I hardly know how many I've killed, but I realise by this point that's I've taken what looks like a knife at the end of a stick off someone. It's take off three yaujta's heads in one swipe. I giggle as I continue my deadly dance.

I kill my way through the levels, through the rooms. I grow frustrated after a while. I've run out of bodies. I've run out of people. I go to vomit in another corner before I begin to cry.

It's no use. It's all over. I have noting left.

I sit and cry and cry and cry.

And when my baby comes to sit down next to me in the pilot room of this huge ship, surrounded my blood and vomit and bodies I instinctively lean into him.

"There's nobody left to kill!" I wail and I see him wince guiltily.

"I killed my father. Sorry if you wanted him."

I sniffle.

"Hold me." I ask hopefully and when he wraps me in his strong and secure arms I know I'll start to feel sleepy soon. Killing does take out a huge bunch of energy.

* * *

The torture has begun. Remember the mental torture I kept harping on about. Well, it's started. It's not being too sweet so far. I'm lying in bed with my dear perfect eyes. He's so patient and sweet and understanding. I don't sense fear from him, I just sense more of that unnamed emotion. He's got his arms wrapped around me. He doesn't talk so much, but that's fine. I talk enough for the both of us.

He just told me that we left the bad blood's ship and he called the arbitrators to it. So I'm giving him a little peek into how crazy my brain is.

"I call her Crazy. Or him. Or it. Crazy'll kinda abstract, but she's there. She's... well, I think she's a she, isn't very nice. She likes drinking blood. Problem is _I_ don't like drinking blood and it all gets a bit nasty from there."

I don't bother looking up at him, I know he'll see what he's been seeing all night: a loosing psychological battle. Well, not entirely loosing. I'm pretty in control and I'm feeling better with sweetie making like an apple pie and being so _sweet_!

I fall asleep in his arms. All safe and snuggly like maybe a normal couple would. But we're not a couple. And I'm insane, according to the dead bodies on the ship.

When I wake up it's in his arms again. We've managed to move overnight. Well, I'm pretty sure _he's_ moved _me_. I'm about a hundred and fifty seven point two per cent sure that I didn't do anything. Actually I'm really sure. Actually the only thing I _am_ sure of is my burning need for a drink. I really strong one. I shift slightly and feel him move the accommodate my shifting, "I need c'tnlip." I groan.

I see him get up and pass me a bottle without question.

When I'm three quarters of the way through he finally speaks one of his long anticipated words.

"You were drinking that when I first saw you."

I blink at him, wait what?

"You? What? How? Huh?" My intense confusion coupled with my lowered tolerance is screwing with my brain. This bottle is affecting me way more than it should. I can barely think straight. But my body laps up the numbness like a lifeline. Adopting the heavy dragging feeling like a second skin. Some things never change.

He answers slowly, "I saw you right after you arrived. In the common room. You were drinking c'tnlip like you could stomach whole bottles without a problem." He is watching my reaction carefully, but I'm flattered. I'm flattered that he's bothered to remember so much. That he, someone who didn't even know me yet, cared enough to remember about my drinking habits.

"You borrowed my knife. I wished that I could have stopped you from hurting yourself, but you were too fast."

He sees my encouraging smile and the light in my eyes so continues in a much more relaxed manner, not that it seemed like anything could phase him.

"I watched you. I wanted to know more. I advanced rank quickly. Very quickly. I went from un-blooded to a warrior before you came back." He bows his head slightly. "I missed you when you left."

The flood of emotion that threatens to bowel me over is so intense I almost swoon.

"You.. missed me?" All of a sudden my speech is choppy, and I feel like swearing.

I take another swig of the bottle.

"Yes." The answer is concise, "I was the one who took you from your ship to the medical bay when it docked."

I stare, my mouth pops open.

"You?"

He smiles at me, happy at my reaction. Then he frowns. "I forged the note that was left for the healers to find."

Thats when I smile, another mystery solved.

"This is the original."

He lifts a piece of paper from his person, I'm not sure where he kept it but it looks crumpled. As if someone'd been touching it a lot.

I reach out to read it, but then stop.

I don't need to know what the note said. I don't need to know.

So I tell him, "I don't need to know."

He smiles, mandibles quirking upwards and puts the note back where it came from.

I crawl across the bed to him, and leans against his legs.

"What happens next in your story?"

He laughs, and I'm surprised to notice it's a nice sound. Not like any of the other yaujta laughs I've had to deal with.

"Then I followed you from afar."

By this point my self-esteem is the highest it's ever been. He followed me. _Followed_ me from afar. I swear, the way to a girl's heart is to admit you've been stalking her.

"Then..." He seems to struggle with this part of the story. I've fit most of the pieces together, I'm just missing one important one. So I'll let him give me that.

"You sedated me on the trip. Why?"

I make sure my tone is not angry in the slightest. Only curious.

He decides to sate my curiosity, he sighs. "You should never have gone on that trip."

My curiosity piques. "Why?"

"Were in heat."

Heat? Heat? What the...oh! Oh!

I blush, suddenly I feel all embarrassed.

"Heat?' I squeak.

He smiles again, "I could not let the others realise. So I had to sedate you for the rest of the trip."

Wow. Wooooooooow.

This guy is amazing!

He did it to protect me. Protect me! He's been nothing but kind. He's been following me from the start. He cooks for me. Lets me kill anyone that I want. Gives my c'tnlip. Talks to me. Feeds me. Sleeps with me (in the most innocent way possible) and is generally the best brother/best friend/boyf that I could have ever asked for.

I squeal and wrap my arms around his neck.

He seems quite confused with my sudden affection but reached out a claw tipped hand to stroke down my spine anyway. I shiver and smile into his neck.

"Love you."


	15. Crazy in depth

Being absolutely batshit crazy has it's perks.

Well, ok, maybe not. But seriously, everyone should try being insane sometimes. It's extremely liberating. That was a lie. Sorry. I just lied, that was a blatant lie. Being crazy sucks. I don't even know if I'm really even cary cray cuz aren't crazy people not supposed to know their crazy? Well, I think I might have multiple personality disorder. And just be crazy anyways. I'm drunk right now. I'm drunk and engaging in my favourite past time, which just happens to be lying all over my little patch of perfectness. Awesome eyes or Hul'tah (which is really his name) is one big ball of amazing mixed in with sweet, good natured, understanding loveliness. I love him to death but I also majorly hate him, I mean, how am I supposed to deal with being my crazy, insane, weirdo, completely fucked up self while he's so perfect?

Love him anyway. Love love love love love love. I love him to bits. Maybe if I ever managed to get a normal brain we can have a shot at being together. I want to get rid of my crazy bit. I mean yeah, she stopped me from possibly shitting in my pants when we were on board that bad blood's ship. She helped me survive a million and one hunts when we were drifting. Helped me kill more bad bloods then I came name. Helped me not die because of alcohol poisoning. Helped me kill that elder. Helped me beat up that weirdo who tried to grope me.

She seems to spend most of the time saving my life. I appreciate that. But I can hardy even sit here and try to act like a normal bitch when she's galloping through my head yelling things like "BLOOD GUTS AND MOTHERFUCKING BLOOD!" coupled with a few charming paranoia raising things like "sexsexsexsexRAPE". What am I supposed to do with that? It's like I've got two separate bits of me. There's crazy who controls all my bloodlusty functions and seems to spend all her time determined that I kill as many people as possible and drink their blood. I'm not a fucking vampire for the love of blood guts and whatever else she worships! I swear...

Then there's the other bit, the bit who's a perfectly normal horrified with it all teenage girl (ahem, only fifteen here?!) and seems to want nothing better than to lie in perfect's arms and imagine a future. I mean, what the fuck?

I can't deal. It's a wonder I haven't gone insane, oh wait hahah I have!

I've still got to appreciate crazy though, normal Penelope has already acknowledged that if it weren't for Crazy she would be dead. A long time ago. With her (my) blood splashed across the walls.

The funny thing is aren't sufferers of MPD supposed to have completely _separate_ personalities? In the way that you don't even know you have it until it's staring you in the face? You're not supposed to know you're sharing your head and body with other fuckers until it's staring you in the face.

Sudden blackouts.

Waking up in different strange places.

Odd groups of friends you swear you don't know.

Different eating habits.

Strange flashbacks and sensations of deja vu.

Now, for me, it's not like having my brain cut into different sections and having each section allocated to someone. Then just sitting back and watching the spinning wheel of fortune decide who I'm gonna be that day. It's not like that at all. It's very different.

I'm basically living with a squatter in my head (or maybe I'm the squatter and this is crazy's head, who knows?) who I can yell to come out and deal with my problems whenever I want. We don't have separate memories, we're the same person. I know everything she does and she knows everything I do. But somehow...It's bad. It's not good, healthy or right.

Crazy's not the best person to be around. She's constantly yelling at me to kill things. Good thing is she seems to like Perfect to some degree so she doesn't mind him. I've developed a strange sort of liking to her, almost like Stockholm syndrome. It's fucking weird.

I'm not against getting her removed in some way though...

"Perfection?"

He looks down at me from where he's stroking my hair.

"I wanna get crazy out. Any ideas?"

Crazy has gone strangely silent, I have a feeling she wants to know if she can be forcefully evicted like someone who hasn't paid their rent.

Perfection looks thoughtful and I feel a spark of hope flare. Before Crazy stamps on it. I yell at her and she yells back.

I have to take a step back _in my own head_ to stop her from kicking my arse.

"There is race. Different race from yaujta. Lives somewhere near different star formation far away. Apparently they have managed to split themselves into two different people. One for thinking and one for fighting. This way they are extremely clever and powerful."

I nod. I'm still drunk but I totally get this.

"Can we go?' My ember of hope has been turned into a raging fire of I-NEED-TO-GO-NOW!- ness.

Crazy is furiously stamping and fanning the flames but it's too much even for her. She's resigned to simply sitting and scowling.

"Yes, I will route the ship now."

He gets up and a whine softly at the loss of his awesome, perfect, warmness.

I hear him chuckle and pick me up so I'm clinging to him like a little limpet-monkey hybrid.

"Sorry," I say to him, "I'm pretty clingy."

He simple laughs even harder and clutches me close.

"Don't mind. Want you." It's just to separate little phrases but my world explodes with them. I can feel my face flushing happily in pleasure.

Hear that? Hear that people? He _wants_ me. He doesn't mind that I'm all over him like ketchup to a steak. He _wants_ me.

Crazy is yelling at me, telling me that the word want has different connotations depending on the situation. I simple cheerfully tell her to shut up which, surprisingly, she does.

Wow. Maybe she can sense her impending doom (well, it depends on what these freaky deaky people can do).

* * *

I'm all curled up in bed next to Perfection when I hear him fall asleep. He hardly ever sleeps. I get the feeling he doesn't have to as much as I do. He holding me tightly, but carefully. And I feel my heart suddenly swell with so much _love _that it overwhelms me. I feel choked up, but in a good way. In a really good way. Crazy is remaining silent but that doesn't mean much. I crawl out of his grasp gently and reach for my bag which I always keep somewhere nearby. I fish out my battered notepad and a pen and proceed to writing.

I used to write a lot before.

Before all this happened.

I try to pour it all out onto paper. Every single tiny shred of beautiful emotion that's eating at me in that moment. It's so beautiful. I try to capture it. Bottle it up and shove into the uniformed shape of words then onto the paper. It can't be contained but that's fine. That's fine if all the _feeling_ is leaking out of the sentences. Spilling over the paper. Dripping from the book even when I've closed it.

I slip the notebook and pen back and snuggle down once more. Wondering where Crazy went. She's quiet but I can still sense her there so I give her a pat as the ship moves through the vast wilderness of space.

* * *

We arrive with a jolt. It's strange how efficient things are out here. If you want something you just let it happen. I smile into Perfection's neck from where I'm sitting. I feel his arms tighten a little more around me. One quick squeeze before the ship lands and we jump up; ready for anything.

Turns out these people are nice. They don't look like people at all. They look like strange beings. They are immensely everything and nothing. I watch, they walk with purpose. It's like they don't believe anything can hurt them. Their steps are confident. I can find no way to describe it, except that Crazy suddenly wakes up and sniffs the air.

She's watching them through my eyes. Or maybe they're her eyes. I still don't know which one of us has more claim to this body. She's thinking now. Talking to herself and filling my mind with words and crazy suggestions. They nearly spill out of my mouth but I try my best to keep it firmly shut, I button up my lips and try to rein in the crazy talk. Crazy is raving now, I can imagine seeing her. Eyes glinting. Hair whipping around. Immensely powerful and fearless. The product of a snapped human mind. A broken psyche that managed to heal itself with a wonky band-aid and her as plasters in the cracks.

She's wondering what it would be like to kill one. She wonders how hard it would be. She's wondering how much it would take to kill all of them. She's never seen such pure unbridled readiness to kill. She's the huntress, she should recognize it. She talking to me now, excitedly. Telling me all the signs. How their faces betray no emotion. How their eyes are hard. How she can tell they think nothing will hurt them. She's analysing now. The fact that their self-belief is strong but is still not arrogance. She would be able to exploit arrogance. She can't exploit this. She has one advantage though. One that she would be willing to exploit. She knows they won't care that she's female or smaller. So she's going to use that. She can slip between them. Climb them like a tree. Her nails are sharp and their eyes look soft.

She's musing to herself.

Then they snap us out.

"Yaujta," They nod at Perfection. Perfectly respectable. Perfection nods back. So far everything's normal.

Then they turn to me. That's when I see the emotion. They aren't emotionless and Crazy files this away for future use.

"You." The obvious leader almost seems to breath out. It surprises me that they speak English but that's actually not surprising. For all I know they could have created humanity in their sleep.

"We have heard stories." His eyes flicker over me, "Stories that you have done amazing things." He looks into my eyes and I let Crazy take over. I see him flinch at the obvious bloodlust and black depth. "Terrible. But amazing."

I grin, or Crazy grins. We're the same anyways. There's no her and me. There's just the unflinching I. We've submerged into one.

"I've been wondering how to kill one of you." I answer, Crazy's taken control of my voice box. She's everything now.

The leader nods, "Yes."

Perfection looks down at me and I know he sees it. He simply nods, so slight I would have missed it. But I don't. He understands.

The being just looks at me, "Why are you here?' He sounds curious.

I shrug, now it's me. Crazy needs me to do the heavy lifting, she doesn't have the will to speak. "I want you to split me."

I can tell I've surprised them.

"Indeed." The word is stretched out. So much is piled into those two syllables.

I fix him with my eyes, he can see the two things fighting in them, "Please?"

So he nods. "Yes."

The word seems to signal something to his troops. They all seem to relax and as I walk with my hand in Perfection's as we follow the leader. As I pass many of them I see the fear on their faces.

It's nice to be feared.

It's a simple process. They clone my body and brain. Both will then have Crazy and me. Then they do a simple operation on the brain. One of us will be dominated by Crazy. The other will be dominated by me. They know that once the Crazy in my real brain realises that one of us has Crazy it'll quieten down and they'll be able to get it out with little difficulty.

I don't ask how they plan to get her out. I know they know what they're doing.

Every young member of their species has it done to them. What they do is extremely simple. When they are young. Practically just born they clone them and split them in half. The aggressive side of their personality gets and body and the intellectual another. This way they are able to focus all their attention on one thing. One simple thing. That's how they are so much more advanced than almost any species out there. None of them feel conflicted. None of them get doubts. They are all doing exactly what they want to do.

I take that thought with me as I walk to the process room where it will start. Perfection is by my side and I can feel as he threads his mandibles through my hair.

So I look up at his perfect, kind, amazing, wonderful face.

"Love you." I mumble to him as I squeeze his hand. I can tell he's please as he tugs very lightly on my hair.

"Love you more." He whispers and I'm shocked.

He hardly ever talks. Yaujtas don't know what love is.

I look up, the unknown emotion is still in his eyes.

And I still can't place it.


	16. Hannibal Lector's back

This has got to be one of the stupidest plans I've ever come up with. I'm actually not joking here. This is even worse than that time that I decided it would be nice to go running at three in the morning with no money, phone, keys or really everything.

The end result was that I ended up in Brixton and only narrowly avoided being arrested since the policemen I bumped into insisted that: "no normal girl would ever be out at this ungodly hour alone with nothing on her." The fact that I was sweaty (running across London while listening to Eminem spit some of the bad stuff didn't do much to for the fact that my complexion had turned bright red ad I was sweating as if I was crying), disgusting, smelled like onion soup (forgot the deo, don't judge; we've all been there...) and wouldn't be able to _pay_ someone to have sex with me. Let alone get someone to pay _me_ for sex. I was pretty sure they thought I was a hooker, which made me a little worried. What kind of hookers wander around at five in the morning in nike running shorts and neon trainers and intend to get busy? Especially since the shorts were the longest pair of shorts I owned (reached to about four inches above the knee and came with their own built in underwear; snazzay...).

Well, to cut an extremely long and embarrassing story short I managed to convince them that I wasn't giving blow jobs for money outside of a rundown Tescos. They looked pretty convinced by the end of my little rant and even managed to wrangle a ride to south ken station with them. All the way across the bridge and it saved me a lot of trouble since I didn't even bring my oyster card. I was plenty prepared for a "buh-bye comfy bus"and ready to embrace my "hullo long walk home across the river and possibly through Clapam...".

So, all in all, that run had been stupid. And that had been one of my worse ideas. But this? What I was doing right down? It hands down beat every other stupid idea (finding my friends a boyfriend on the internet, telling my piano teacher that I hated the instrument more than I had courgettes, eating a courgette, anything I did when I was drunk... the list goes on) I'd ever had and I had the feeling that everything was a step away from going pear shaped.

The doctor-ish alien-superior-being-thing advanced on me while holding a needle. Was it just me or did he have a slightly Hannibal Lector look on his face? He was wearing sinister like his favorite pair of lacy underwear (now that's an image a didn't need...). The truth was is and always has been that I am scared to death of needles. They are the scariest things ever. C'mon, admit it. When a doctor or nurse walks up with that pointy thing of doom in their hands you know things aren't gonna be good.

Apparently they needed cells so they could clone me. What I needed was a stiff drink. And possibly some gummy bears.

I shivered as I watched him come close. Why did they even have needles? They were light years ahead of earth! They could use laser things! Why needles?

My brain frantically moved, trying to rouse itself from the layer of dust that had settled on it while I hand't been using it.

"You should sterilise the needle." I blurted out just as he was about to stab me with it.

He blinked, "The needle is new. There is no need."

He readied himself to stab again.

"It might have AIDS. That stuff can be passed through needle."

He (I'm pretty sure it was a he. Though to be honest the whole situation of arguing over a sterilised needle about ADIS with an alien was messing with my gender radar.) set down the needle.

"What is AIDS?"

I was now mentally punching my brain, though it's stupidity that won me some time away from the needle. Crazy was telling me to make a break for it while I still could, but personally I though she just wanted to try killing a superior being.

"It's a disease that's passed through exchange of bodily fluids." I was frantically trying to recall everything I'd ever learned in health class. "It causes the body's immune system to deteriorate." I was actually pretty impressed that I even knew this much. Considering I had spent most health classes passed out. They were the last lesson and I tended to drink heavily during the afternoon break.

"Fascinating," I seemed to have won the attention of the needle holder though, "Simply amazing." He seemed to breath that word. "So." He looked earnestly at me, "A simple cold could kill the victim in the end."

I nodded, I was _pretty_ sure that was how it worked but this guy was the scientist and who was I to disagree?

"Incredible." He seemed to be thinking.

Then he turned to me, "Do you have it?"

I reeled back, "What?" Did I have AIDS? Did he think I would still be here gallivanting around space without a care in the world and no type of medication if I had AIDS? Actually, at this point I was starting to worry, maybe I did have AIDS. I wouldn't know until it revealed itself, I could have Chlamydia for all I knew. Or rather didn't know.

I paled a little.

"Not that I know of..."

At this stage even Crazy was starting to get slightly worried. If there was one thing that she couldn't kill it would be Chlamydia. Or AIDS. Or influenza. Or the common cold.

To be honest Crazy couldn't kill (which seemed to be her top solution for everything. I'm bored, lets go kill stuff. I'm tired, lets go kill stuff. I'm hungry, lets go kill stuff. I want to kill stuff, off we go!) something microscopic that targeted my immune system. She could try killing the body (me) but then she wouldn't have anything to carry her around in so she could go kill stuff.

The doctor seemed even ore fascinated. This guy was starting to scare me.

He then grabbed the needle and before I could do anything he stabbed me in the arm and drew a blood sample.

"Shite." I yelled.

He grabbed the syringe holding my blood and began to run away.

I suddenly realised what had happened, he had totally duped me by getting me all worried about diseases then he had stabbed me (well, not really even in the back or anything) with the needle to get the blood.

I'd been sucker-punched.

"AW FUCK NO!"

I sprinted after him, "GET BACK HERE YOU WOMB KILLER!" (What can I say, this guy had made me think of Chlamydia a lot.)

He suddenly disappeared into a lab and shut and locked the door behind him. Strangely enough it wasn't one of those rooms with glass walls that looked totally awesome but were kinda impractical if you were doing proper experiments. I was basically staring at a huge steel box that I didn't have a single chance of breaking into. Not in a million and one years (unless I had nuclear weapons, which I didn't tend to carry when I went of inter-stellar travels).

"Womb raider." I snarled as I stalked off.

The thing that was really confusing me was that Crazy was being pretty quiet, quieter than normal.

I didn't try to talk to her; Crazy didn't really _talk._ She liked yelling, screaming, demanding, shouting, whispering (to freak people out) and crying.

It wasn't really helpful to anyone to have a proper conversation with her so I let it go.

I kept walking aimlessly until I came to an important looking door. I smirked to myself, not Crazy. For one of the first times Crazy wasn't the one smirking; it was me. Penelope was smirking and ready to go spit in authority's overly large boots before it put them on to go rampage through people's perfectly chaotic lives.

So, I did what any self-respecting troublemaker would do. I flung open the doors.

And I was shocked into silence.

Well, not entirely silence.

* * *

I'd sort of hyperventilated for a while. Well, maybe more than a while. It took everything I had in me not to collapse and start twitching like I was having a seizure. I got the feeling that seizure-twitching wouldn't have helped me at all. Or anyone really for that matter.

I was sitting in a chair. As usual the chair was too big for me. Like seriously? Was I the smallest being in the galaxy? Was I supposed to be small? Why were all the aliens bigger than me? (All the humanoid aliens at least.)

I had other questions of course. More pressing questions that I was trying to drag myself away from. Crazy was respecting my decision and throwing in a few questions of her own. To be honest they all had to do with blood and guts and whether or not it would be easier to kill someone with a toothpick or a plastic bag. I honestly didn't know but the theories Cray was coming up with were kinda.. well, crazy.

That's when the biggest one of these alien things decided to address the reason why I had to fill my brain was filled with dancing toothpicks mercilessly slaughtering plastic bags.

"That was the first time anyone has walked in on our mating ritual."

I just blinked up at him. Did he really have to use the "m" word?

"In our society it is an honour if a male is chosen to mate with a female."

I nodded dumbly.

"Females are considered the highest possible ranking. They are well respected as they continue our race."

I was about to nod when something stopped me.

Well respected?

Highest rank?

I was starting to get a headache.

Didn't the yaujta think the exact same thing? I swear they did... I swear they're all about females being all high and mighty and stuff. Are humans the only race that seem to think girls are worthless?

I felt kind of sick. Then upset. Then sick again.

This was seriously not fair. I had to watch my back every time I went out alone; even to buy some milk because I'm afraid of some guy jumping me.

Females all over the world are trafficked for sex.

Eighty-seven percent of rape victims are women. And women are constantly being blamed for being raped; "You're a tease." "You must had lead him on."

Well, maybe this race had rape too...

"Do you have rape?"

The guy just frowned and shook his head slowly. "I am not familiar with this term. What is it?"

Well, no need to plant a seed.

"Nothing important..."

I sat and thought. Life as a girl on earth was seriously unfair. Look at life on the alien planets as a girl! They don't have arranged marriages, rape, having a female pick you for sex is an _honour_ and the guys are just taller.

I instantly felt cheated.

How many times when I was wandering home from a party did a random weirdo try and get me to have sex with him?

How many times had a been jumped only to be saved by pepper spray or a kick to the balls?

How many time had a been unwilling to goon my morning run anywhere but along main roads (which was annoying cuz of the cars and the catcalls guys would give. What's so sexy about a sweaty girl?)?

How many times had guys at parties tried to tell me that it was "my responsibility" to have sex with them since I had been "leading them on" all night?

I was starting to feel kinda angry and more than a little sad. Would things have been different if I had grown up in an alien community that basically worshipped women?

Yes, yes it would have.

I turned to the guy who had spoken who was watching me warily, which reminded me that I was still certifiably insane.

"Nothing, just... Can you blow up the Earth?"

He didn't answer. Just gave me what I hoped as a smile and went on his merry way.

* * *

"Perfection?'

I felt him rumble slightly in acknowledgement.

"What do you think I'll be like without Crazy?"

He twisted slightly so I could see his face.

"Don't know. Might be different but will probably be mostly the same."

I smiled as I snuggled up even more. "You'll stick with me even if I've gone and done a Voldemort and split my soul in two?"

He looked so confused it was adorable, "I don't know who Voldemort is but I will stay with you.'

I clapped my hands and giggled, "Love you." I smiled into his neck.

I felt him stroke my back.

"Love you too."

At least that's what I think he said. Crazy was doing her best to be annoying and kicking my braincells around.

"Shush." I told her.

Then I settled down to a nice (hopefully) long sleep with my little piece of perfection.

* * *

"We need you to put of these glasses while we put you in the machine. They will protect your eyes."

I nodded as I took the glasses.

"We need you to focus hard on the part you want removed. Most us us expel the aggressive side as the intelligent side finds it easier to understand the instructions and focus on the aggressive side."

He then seems to hesitate.

"You however..."

I wave him away with a nonchalant hand.

"Bring it on."

He leads me to the machine, "As you wish."

I'm lying down on the cool metal surface and allowing them to strap me in when I wonder what would have happened if the alien things had never come.

I would be back at school. I would be working in secret. I would be partying harder than ever. I would be drinking like no tomorrow. I would be ignoring my parents. I would be being a teenager. I would be avoiding boys. I would be going to movies.

I wondered briefly if I was happier in space than with those idiots back on Earth.

As they fiddled with switched and knobs I started to let my mind wander in a strange direction.

I though of Flo, Sally, Alexandra, Lily, Celeste, Molly. I felt that weird pang of loss. I realised for the first time that to them I would be dead. Scratch that, on Earth for all intents and purposes I _was_ dead.

I wondered if anyone had come to my funeral. I wondered if anyone had listened to how I wanted my funeral to be and brought gummy bears and Cadbury's mini eggs. I wondered if people had all worm depressing black or if someone had knocked some sense into them and told them to wear colour. I thought of a church (would it have been in a church? Would it have been anywhere else?) filled with colour.

I wondered who had gone. I wondered if anyone had left sunflowers, did anyone know they were my favourite flower? Did anyone write a speech about me? Did anyone read it? Did anyone say things?

Did anyone miss me?

Was Mary upset that I had disappeared before she could turn me into a playboy model?

"Get ready." They strange disembodied voice yelled. I could see anything in the machine. Then I realised it must be the scientist guy. Telling me to get ready so they could rip Crazy outta my brain.

I focused on her. Focused hard. I though about blood. But I didn't let it consume me.

Crazy was being surprisingly cooperative.

The last though I had was a "Good luck." That couldn't have come from her since Crazy didn't _speak_, she yelled. She screamed. She cried. She whispered. But she didn't speak.

* * *

I woke up feeling woozy. Woozy woozy woozy. My head was spinning so I went back to sleep. To nightmares filled with blood. The salty taste of blood that was making me feel sick.

* * *

I woke up and all I wanted to do was die.

Pleasepleaseplease. Someone just kill me already. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. All I could see were the deaths played out. Deathdeathdeath. I saw myself killing people. I saw myself _eating_people. I saw myself killing. Killing killing killing. I saw myself drinking blood. Blood that now made me cringe.

I lay there. Unable to do much else. Watching as I killed. Killed in the most gruesome ways possible. I saw myself rip open ribcages to eat hearts. I saw myself laugh as I clawed out eyes. Saw myself dance to a symphony of screams like they were my personal theme tune. I saw the clear unbridled fear in people's eyes as I walked past. Saw the Elder nearly slit his wrists whenever I spoke to him.

I saw bodies.

Bodies.

Bodies.

I saw the past few months written out in blood. I saw the trail of death I'd left behind me.

I whimpered. So much death. I couldn't escape it. It played out in my mind.

So when I felt arms surround me I clutched back just as hard. I needed to get out.

It took days before the nightmares began to get more bearable. They didn't get better. They just got more bearable.

It was then that I realised the almost laughable paradox of the situation. Crazy the result of me going crazy. Crazy was the result of the insanity at seeing my parents dead and fighting for my life. Crazy was the result of my fragile mind snapping.

And Crazy was the one keeping me sane.

With Crazy my memories were shielded slightly. With Crazy all dealing of blood and guts could be left to her. Her insanity made me stay human and she did the insane killing thing things and I just at back and resumed control when it was over.

She was the one keeping me sane. Yet she was insane.

The eternal paradox.

I sat and thought. The worst enemy right now was my own mind. My own brain. It was killing me. My memories were playing tricks on me. I couldn't handle what I had done because I was human and it was "wrong". If I didn't face what I'd done I'd end up with another Crazy. Crazy was the result of extreme trauma that just got worse. I was drinking heavily and I wanted someone else to blame and do my dirty work. Ta-da! Out popped crazy. She was the child of a broken alcoholic who watched her parents die.

I couldn't think about my parents without trying to cry at this point. I wanted to die. I wanted to cry. I missed them. I missed them so much. But they were dead. They were gone.

And technically, on Earth, I was dead too.

I couldn't handle this. My mind was fragile and couldn't handle the stress. But I forced myself to. I needed to push through this. I couldn't go crazy again.

* * *

So, five sleeps later, I emerged from the room they'd given me and asked for somewhere to wash.

They looked surprised but pointed me down the hall to an outside bath that looked like a natural hot spring. I practically ripped off my clothes and jumped in.

It was then that I started the healing process.

I imagined washing off everything that I'd done. I imagined washing off the weight of death. I scrubbed off the blood. I rinsed off guilt.

It was a fairly normal psychological procedure but my brain seemed to like it.

That night I was home free.

* * *

"You want me to talk to her?"

I looked at the guy like he was insane.

He seemed slightly uncomfortable but answered anyway.

"She refuses to talk to anyone, preferring instead to try and make attempts on their lives."

I snorted slightly.

"She responded slightly to the yaujta; Hul'tah I believe. But that was minimal at best." He looks hard at me, "Hopefully you will be able to calm her."

I sighed and shrugged but allowed him to lead me to the special confinement room where she was being held. I almost felt proud as we walked past dozens of guards into a cell made entirely of some sort of alloy I didn't recognize. The door shut automatically behind us and in the centre of the cell was a small plexiglass cylinder. In which Crazy was doing a headstand.

I almost grinned, it was just like the little scamp.

"Daaaahling." I stepped forward until my nose was practically touching the clear surface, "You really need to loosen up on the exercise."

Was it just me or did her eyes light up slightly when she saw me?

"I've missed your insane babble." She was laughing now.

She sighed in appreciation. "It's great having a real body."

It was slightly disconcerting to be honest. I was taring at a batshit insane version of me. I could see it all over her. The little twitches in her fingers. Like she was dying to strangle something. The detached look in her eyes. This was not a happy clappy sane girl. This was a completely rotten to the core female Hannibal Lector.

And she had gone too long without blood.

I turned to the random guy who was sitting and looking slightly disturbed in the corner.

"Do you have any criminals?"

The man shook his head. "Our race prides itself on being completely crime free since..." I didn't let him finish.

"Don't tell me you have no one?"

I was extremely disbelieving. You can't have a race of super human things who don't have any issues. There's gotta be at least three crazies.

When he hesitated I knew I was on to something.

"There is one..."

I slammed him against the wall, which I was of course really impressed with my self for. I was way stronger than I thought I was.

"Where."

He was shuddering now, obviously he didn't think all of Crazy had been purged.

"He is too dangerous to be anywhere near. We drop food into his cylinder. He hasn't had any contact in years. We have no idea what's going on. He smashed the cameras in the cell and we don't have anyone willing to repair them..." He was babbling now so I just asked a simple question.

"Where?"

He shivered.

"It is in an isolated building in the middle of the biggest lake on our planet."

I nodded. "Right."

I turned to Crazy's cylinder.

"Break it."

She bared her teeth, "Thought you'd never ask."

She smashed to glass is seconds.

The guy who had lead me here simply stuttered, "What?"

I sighed, "Don't underestimate the insane."

I turned to crazy who was eying the guy with some level of hunger.

"No!" I snapped. "You can go kill the guy everyone's scared of."

She giggled and clapped her hands like a child on christmas day.

"How exciting."

I nodded grimly.

I turned to the guy who was now a shaking pile on the ground.

"We walk and nobody stops us because she will kill them if given the slightest incentive."

The guy looks at Cray and looks about ready to have a nervous breakdown.

"It's true." Crazy adds which makes him burst into tears.

I reach down to pluck the keys and combinations off him.

I look at Crazy, my literal partner in crime.

"Let's go do something really stupid."


	17. I'm gonna go wax now

"Fucking hell. Why did I decide helping you was a good idea?"

Crazy looked over at me and flashed me a grin that seemed to have "I am going to eat you alive and extremely painfully" contained in a few teeth and some tongue.

I winced, "Please don't give me the crazy grin."

She stopped, "Sorry sugar," She gave me an equally scary smile, "Forgot I like you."

I sighed and I saw Hul'tah staring at the both of us. His eyes flitting backwards and forwards so rapidly it would be the equivalent of Celeste (cringe, wince and cry internally at the thought of her name, I swear. Ever since I became sane I started going soft. Even thinking minutely about my old friends made me turn into a cringey, wincey, sobby mess.) watching the tennis finals at Wimbledon on fast forward.

"Hanging in there honey bug?" Ugh, looks like my nicknaming skills were steadily getting worse. I might as well just call him "The love muncher" and just get it over with.

Instantly the thought of him doing some love munching went straight to my head, or rather my lady bits.

I hummed happily as my womanly parts started to tingle pleasantly. I swear, I had no idea what I was missing with this sex lark with Crazy hopping around since birth.

I sighed happily and both my companions turned to stare at me.

Crazy was looking particularly curious and Hul'tah was sniffing the air rather fetchingly before something hit me.

Crap in a sack he can smell my vagina juices!

I immediately jumped on Crazy (which seemed in good idea in retrospect).

"Help meeeeeee." I hissed in her ear.

She nodded seriously. Then started talking.

Holy crap in a flaming sack.

"I like blood. Blood is the best. Blood is the bestest best."

Any hint of arousal was replaced with disturbed curiosity.

The little flying machine that we had procured could fly itself to the dangerous prison so there was (sadly) no distractions.

Hul'tah was sniffing the air like his life depended on it but ha! I had banished any thoughts of sex to the far regions of my mind. Or was that my nether regions.

Oh darn it!

The cycle repeated itself several times before we started landing. The descent of this alien aircraft was possibly the best moment of my entire life. I thanked every god I knew. Including Axo Mama of course; the goddess of potatoes. All hail the french fry!

Getting off this small confined space with my arousal wafting around like laughing gas was a number one priority. Trying to figure why I hadn't jumped Hul'tah before (sexy beast that he is) was the second priority.

The reason we were even here seemed to hover at the edges of my mind. Important? Hell no! We stole an aircraft, broke Crazy out of solitary confinement and knocked out a few guards for no reason! I mean, seriously, I've got better things to do with my time.

"Crazy," She was by my side before I'd even finished saying her name.

"Yeah." She was giving me the smile again, gods sake. I hated the smile!

"Crazy," She looked up at me, eyes filled with insanity and excitement. It was all rather endearing.

"Why are we here again?" I was feeling vaguely disorientated and extremely confused.

Crazy simply looked at me, "To kill someone."

Ah yes. The old "we're going to kill someone". Was it just me or have I seemed to have spent the last few months doing exactly that. Killing people? Was amnesia part of the side-affects of having insanity ripped out of you? I was finding it hard to breathe and my heart was doing a strange galloping thing. I reached out an arm and used Crazy to help steady myself.

"You okay?" asked Hul'tah.

My brain exploded numerous times. Why was a feeling like I'd just been run over by a truck? A truck of love that is... Not an entirely unpleasant situation. Ah yes. To answer my original question of the truck of love; I think Hul'tah might have something to do with it. Crazy was watching us both with a strange undecipherable expression on her face.

"Can't breathe." I wheezed attractively, I was doing my best to keep the sweaty, puffy, red side of my face away from Hul'tah but he seemed determined to stare into my eyes as thought trying to find the cause of my ailment. Truck of love? This was more like the bulldozer of sexual attraction with little cupids riding it and shooting everyone with BDSM arrows. "Bulldozer." I choked out as my, quite frankly, insane companions stared at me.

I waved a head at Crazy. "Go kill him." She didn't need to be told twice. She scrambled away happily and disappearance within the scary looking complex.

"Hul'tah." I coughed out him name in between other coughs so all in all it was just a huge mess of coughs.

He leaned in closer and attentively, "Yes?"

"Go check on Crazy." I was doing my best not to die here.

He looked at me uncertainly but when I gave him, what I hoped passed as a smile, he nodded and ran off after Crazy.

I took this opportunity to lie down on the hard steel ground and hyperventilate for a little while. I was at the very least extremely sexually attracted to an alien to an alien who could smell it every time I though about getting down and dirty with some chocolate sauce. I had just gotten myself cloned by a race of mad scientists (okay, if we're going into specifics then half their race was a bunch of mad scientists). I had been "cured" of insanity; though I was sure that to anyone who was looking at me right now (sprawled on the ground and doing my best to breath) it didn't really look like it. I was now dealing with the enormous weights of killing a whole bunch of aliens/people/yaujta, eating a whole bunch of aliens/people/yaujta, drinking a whole bunch of people/aliens/yaujta's blood and in general being a looney weirdo who had decided that killing things was a brilliant career choice.

I paled slightly.

Then there was also the fact that my parents were dead.

And I had burnt their bodies.

What the fuck was I doing?

I had to cut myself some slack for the fact that I was insane when it happened but it didn't mean I was just going to sit back and let myself pass over the fact that my _parents's_ just dead bodies had been _lit on fire_ by yours truly. What was wrong with me?

And of course, sandwiched in between every other fucking issue, there was the fact that I was now not opposed to sex in any way. In fact; sex seemed to at the front of my mind all day every day. I didn't cringe and start crying when I thought about it. I wanted to have sex. Right now. Sex. Sex. Sex. Damn, was this how every other teen my age felt? No wonder they all wanted to cop a feel.

Then there was also the issue of going into space with an alien race. Living off drink for a few weeks. Letting Crazy take control a little too much.

I was a mess. A big ugly, slightly crazy, completely messy mess. And not in a hot way. I was not a hot mess. I was seriously not a hot mess.

It had been ages since I washed my hair properly and moisturising seemed to be a thing of the past. Waxing and any type of shaving had also gone out the window.

Being crazy was no excuse for letting my hygiene slide. I swore that as soon as we got off this planet I would have a proper bath/shower/scrub/wax/shave/moisturise/brush my fucking teeth session.

I squirm slightly on the cool metal floor. It's not particularly comfortable. I wonder if after I clean myself as thoroughly as possible if I should try and confide in Crazy about my many fantasies. I mean, she _is_ me. Albeit a slightly insane version of me. But still.

I lazily try and hoist myself into a sitting position but I'm feeling way to lazy for that kind of stuff. I slump back down and sigh slightly.

Then a shadow passes of me.

I shield my eyes and find myself staring into the unrelenting face of that alien leader person, "Hey."

He doesn't answer. Just continues staring.

"Yes?"

At this point he finally clears his throat to answer.

"Your clone is gone."

I nod.

"Guards have been knocked out."

I nod again.

"A ship has been stolen."

Yep, yep and yep. Everything that he's saying is true.

"And your point is?"

He looks really mad for a second.

"Why?" His tone is extremely clipped.

"Crazy held us hostage and threatened us with each other if we didn't continue in her crazy plan." At his shocked face a decide that being a good person is grossly overrated and all I want to do at this point is lie my way out of this situation, "She put a sharp object to Hul'tah throat and told me that she would carve his eyes out of I didn't cooperate."

Laying it on a bit thick, eh Penelope?

No matter, this was fun.

The superior being's eyes seemed to pop out.

"I see." His voice sounded choked.

I nodded, putting on an expression of extreme seriousness. All I wanted to do at this moment was cry with laughter and disbelief that my extremely unbelievable lie was even working.

"Yup."

Then stuff started happening.

Penelope emerged out of the building. Dripping with blue blood and screaming.

"Yeeeeeehaw!" She yelled, loud enough that coupled with her honestly frightening appearance just led to several of the superior beings taking a step back.

I decided to try and draw as much attention away from my outrageous lies by screaming. I screamed. And screamed. And screamed.

My throat hurt but I'd be damned if I stopped now!

Crazy was looking at me in confusion until I gestured in away that meant "scream you idiotic mofo! Scream!". She didn't seem to get the message so I mimed giving a blow job, while still screaming; harder than you may think.

She immediately decided that my screamy gang was the place to be and copied my screaming ways.

Her wailing made me want to curl in a ball and die. It was the epitome of insanity and it was making my brain hurt.

I saw the superior beings cower as Hul'tah burst out of the prison, covered in blue blood and carrying a superior being head.

He was roaring and to be honest I was surprised I hadn't passed out by the sheer power of our combined voices. There was no such thing as atomic weapons. Let the girl, her insane clone and her alien love interest scream everyone to death.

Right.

This was getting too weird for words... Well, hopefully Crazy would know what playing along was. If she didn't things would go a little messily from here.

"Don't hurt me!" I yelled.

Crazy and Hul'tah stopped screaming and instead just stared at me worriedly. I wondered for a brief second how Crazy felt about me. Was I a mother figure? A sister? How bout a twin sister clone thing? With an extra sprinkling of mother and creator?

"Don't carve out his eyes. I'll do whatever you want!"

By this point everyone was staring at me worriedly. Well, the superior beings were alternating worried glances between me and Crazy.

Crazy was giving me confused looks in between sending looney blood lusty gazes at the superior beings.

I decided a more forward approach was probably best and (completely forgetting anything I'd ever known about personal safety later) I had jumped Crazy.

"Play along." I hissed in her ear.

I saw her eyes widen in understanding. Ha! I knew it! This girl was me after all, she had to retain some of my brilliant common sense.

"Get me the ship so we can leave this planet and I won't hurt you." She snarled.

I personally thought she was laying it on a little thick but she looked fearsome and the superior beings were cowering.

I looked pleadingly up at the superior being commander and he seemed to waver before I began to stick out my bottom lip and make it tremble in between blinking rapidly. I though I looked constipated. Apparently the fact that my face displayed that my digestive system wasn't working was enough to pull some sympathy from his cold demeanour.

"You may leave." He croaked out.

I immediately jumped up and half-dragged the other to the ship. We would fly this ship to our ship then we would get the hell off this clone megastore.

Was I the only one here with any damn initiative? Judging by the way I had single handedly gotten us out of that incredibly stickily annoying situation I would say yes. Well, the others had helped. A teensy bit. They had screamed and Crazy had said one sentence. I had done all the heavy lifting.

"That was fucking insane." I muttered. Hul'tah seemed to smell my weird cocktail of emotion and got up to sit next to me.

"You good?" He asked, eyes shining with concern and another emotion that I couldn't be bothered to place yet.

"Yeah my baby carrot," I murmured, inwardly cringing. My baby carrot? There was something wrong with me. I swear...

Crazy snorted and I mimed blowjobbing again which shut her up. She instead grabbed her new superior being trophy and began stroking it like a super villain stokes his cat in James Bond movies with spinning on the swivel chair and generally being a martini drinking arse.

I coughed, "Whatchu wanna do now?"

Crazy looked up at me, "Huh?" The confusion was evident on her face.

I sighed, "I am now traumatised and scarred. I will probably need years of cuddles and comfort to recover from it. You made me _eat_ yaujta for fucks sake!"

Crazy seemed to shrug.

I took a deep breath before continuing, "I'm now going to go out on a limb and assume that you wanna fight and kill things." At Crazy incessant nodding I smiled slightly. She was actually kinda cute once you got past the fact that she was dripping blood.

That's when a thought came to me.

The best idea ever.

(Well, one of them anyway.)

"Hul'tah." I tried to keep my voice even so as not to burst with excitement, "Is there anywhere with a fighting arena or cage fighting in the big wide universe?"

Hul'tah observed me silently before answering, "There are a few. We can go to nearest, it is smallest but that is fine."

I grinned so wide I was sure my teeth were going to fall out. This was bloody brilliant.

I leaned over to Crazy, "I think I got the best idea ever."

She leaned in closer.

"It's fucking stupid."

She nodded excitedly.

"You will probably kill loads of people."

Her eyes were as wide as Hul'tah's fists by this point.

"There will be lots of blood."

Was she... drooling?

"Get fucking ready. This is gonna be fucking stupid."


	18. It doesn't matter

Hul'tah's POV-

"She's still not coming out?"

Kha'bj-te looks at me concernedly. He raises an eyebrow as I sigh. While drugging her obviously wasn't the best way to respect her personal boundaries it had to be done. She couldn't wander around, oblivious to the other yaujta, smelling like _that_. I already knew that many of them would consider it a great honour to mate with her; have her deliver their pups. And why wouldn't they? She was perfect. She was beautiful and strong. A deadly huntress with more trophies than any other.

"Well?" Kha'bj-te is looking at me, his expression changing from concerned to curious.

I breathe in, "I had to drug her."

I see his eyes widen, his expression morph rapidly into shock, "What?"

I lean in, looking around to make sure none of the others are watching or listening, "She's in heat." I hiss.

I see his eyes widen even more if possible.

I nod, "And she was sitting around outside yesterday like nothing was wrong. Paya, she even asked me to go swimming with her!"

Kha'bj-te's eyes are the largest I've ever seen them. "Did you go?" He asks.

I click affirmatively and he gasps.

"Well! Did anything happen?"

I shake my head, "I think things work differently with humans. You notice they have an underdeveloped sense of smell? I don't think they can smell when they are in heat."

Kha'bj-te frowns. "I suppose that's true." His frown deepens, "But then how do they know when a female wishes to mate?"

I shake my head, "I have no idea."

He sighs again, then his mandibles quirk upwards wryly, "So you drugged her to protect her?"

I mumble a little and he laughs, "Paya! Can't believe it! She's in heat and asks you to go swimming with her and all you can think about is making sure she doesn't get hurt! Incredible."

I smile back ta him. But all I can think about is her. Her and her delicious scent wafting through her room. Teasing me whenever I go to re-administer the drug. She never wakes up when I come never seems to sense anyone's there. I worry at first. Have a used too large a dosage? But eventually she settles down and I realise her body must been worn out and tired. It must be using this extra time to repair itself and figuratively recharge her batteries. I smile down at her; one day. One day...

* * *

I'm moving her to her quarters aboard the clan ship. I manage to steal through the hallways without anyone seeing me. She's pressed against my chest and I lean forward to inhale more of her beautiful scent. It's laced with the dull smell of the sedative but that doesn't bother me. I can still sense the faint disappearing traces of her heat but it's nearly all gone and I'm sure that by tomorrow it will be a thing of the past.

I reach her room and open the door. I see her bed up against one wall. It truly is huge; I imagine that it would completely dwarf her small frame. I lean down to place her on it but then start when I see her eyes are open. She reaches above her head. Finger twirling and uselessly grabbing at nothing. She smiles as she reaches out furthur. I watch, entranced by the movement. Her hips rising off the bed to give her more height. When her fingers tighten around air she makes a disgruntled noise and flops back down. The bed bounces slightly as she jumps with it. Her frame jostled around as her hair pools around her face.

She whines slightly and I commit the sound to memory. I imagine her gasping below me. Letting out those small whines as I bring her pleasure. I shake my head and sigh disapprovingly at myself.

I reach down to touch her and watch, surprised, as she brings up a hand to brush mine away.

"Oprah! That tickles!" She's laughing now. The sound is high and happy.

I cock my head to the side in confusion. Oprah?

She reaches out as if to touch my face then suddenly stops in confusions. I watch as her eyes narrow. Then all of a sudden the smile is back, and even more beautiful than before if possible.

"You're so pretty." She murmurs from where she sprawled on the bed, "You're even prettier than the stars that were here." She motions above her head.

She is obviously slightly delusional from the sedatives so I decide to quietly back out and let her sleep.

"Bye bye!" She calls before frowning again.

"You have beautiful eyes." She murmurs before falling back into unconsciousness.

I allow myself a little while longer in her presence; watching her sleep and inhaling her scent. The sedative scent has all but disappeared by now and when I turn back as I walk back out through her door I see her. Peacefully sleeping.

I smile to myself before I duck out.

* * *

I remain motionless. It's easier this way. I can't think, can't think too hard or I'll realise just how much everything will come crashing down.

Kha'bj-te is looking worriedly at me, I can almost see his mind working and I do my best to focus on his changing facial expressions rather than the angry storm that's threatening to engulf me.

The Elder has finished speaking and people are leaving. Good. If only the Elder didn't look so happy. He looks so pleased with himself, so _happy_ that he's ruining my life. I bury my head in my hands as the last person leaves. I can sense Kha'bj-te still standing next to me. I let myself sink to the ground.

"Well," he tries to supply; trying to make me feel better, "You can fight."

I look over to him, "There will be Elders fighting," I mutter coarsely, "People beyond my ability. I will never win."

He sits down next to me, "Never say never my friend." He looks at me as though expecting me to be cheered up but I just sigh. At that he sighs to then something seems to come to him. He straightens up and gets a looks of intense concentration on his face. "Wait a second." He murmurs, "How will the Elder tell _her_ about this. I mean, look at how she reacted to that warrior coming onto her in the dining room. She doesn't even look like she wants a mate. She would crush whoever she was given."

I brighten up a little at that, "The Elder did say it was a 'surprise' for her. Something to make her feel better."

Kha'bj-te snorts a little, "I don't understand how he expects her to deal with it. If she is _anything _like our females she will not appreciate being bartered off like a piece of meat for some person she doesn't even know." He looks me in the eye at this point, "The Oomans like having a 'connection' with whoever they choose as a mate. She will not take being forced into anything lightly."

He regards my changing expression appraisingly. I am feeling a myriad of emotions at this point. The strongest is hope. Hope because I know what he says is true. My goddess will not be forced into any kind of union she does not approve of. She is strong and _good_. I force myself to take a deep breath in.

"Besides," he continues, "You will probably win anyways."

He shoots me a wry smile that I do my best to return.

"I hope so."

* * *

The tournament is easy. Almost ridiculously easy. Almost the whole population of the ship is competing; young bloods and blooded included. I watch my goddess as I wait. She has the half-crazed look in her eyes that I know bodes ill for anyone who has displeased her. She keeps watching the Elder out of the corner of her eye and smiling. No, not smiling. There is something infinitely sinister about the way she's regarding him. Like the kiande amedha do when you are down with no weapons and no help. When they know that you are already dead but are just looking for a way to make that literal.

She is smirking, the blood-thirsty crazed look in her eye as she watched the Elder explain the rules of the tournament. She is not happy. That pleases me; the idea of her even _wanting_ to find another mate sickens me and at the same time makes me want to break something. She is _mine_.

It is the first fight that is the hardest. I dodge and give. Roll and punch. The fight is over and given to me in a few choice moves. I turn to see if my goddess was watching but as soon as I see her face I know she is too far gone to see anything. She is sitting rigidly in her chair, a lusty smile that cries for blood curves on her lips and her eyes are cycles away. I know immediately that she is not watching the tournament. This doesn't displease me though; the fact that she is rejecting all these potential mates makes me feel better about the whole situation. I fell my second challenger with ease.

This is how the whole tournament goes. I fight. I win. I hardly remember the last fight. Only wishing it to be over faster so I can leave this idiotic place. Leave with her.

The Elder is alternating between shooting the goddess overjoyed looks and giving me small smiles. My goddess looks as though she has just woken up from a dream. She blinks sleepily as the room clears. She still has that blood-thirsty look but it's calming slightly.

I walk over and scoop her up. I have a vague idea of what to do and when Kha'bj-te mutters something along the lines of "go" and "use the ship" I know I'm right.

I walk slowly, trying not to startle her.

"Where are you taking me?"

Five words that have a profound affect on me, it's only then that I smell it. The coppery scent of fear. No, not even smell of _terror _and_ desperation._

I lean down to smell her hair, all the while using the purring reserved for mates (the one I used on her before) to soothe her. It seems to work and the terror fades slightly though the fear is still strong.

I look down at her sadly; why is so afraid?

Is she afraid of me?

I lay her down on the bed in my personal ship. She immediately uncurls herself and wraps herself around the sheets. She tangles herself up and begins to hum and happily. She snuggles down and spreads herself out. She twists for a bit and I watch fascinated as she wiggles around. On her back, on her stomach, on her side. It's like a drug watching her. She tosses and turns. Flipping around and I'm not sure whether or not she's awake or asleep. I think she's asleep though. Heavy hormones permeate the air as she settles sighs slightly and finally stills.

I get up from my seat with some difficulty. My leg was hit during the third round and I have a nasty spear wound in my left side. I get up to go and put some of the blue healing gel on my wounds. I hiss slightly as the gel does it's work to close the wounds and heal me.

I go back to her immediately afterwards. I sit down on the bed next to her and simply watch her breathing in and out. I have a vague notion that this might be considered an invasion of privacy but at the moment I cannot be bothered to care.

I have her.

I have her here.

With me.

I think back over the countless number of cycles spent thinking of her. How long I spent being obsessive and going insane about her. But now I have her. I have her here. In my bed. On my ship. I wonder for a second if she even likes me or not. Will she be angry that I "won" her. I think back to the terror I felt from her directly after the contest.

I'll keep her safe. I'll always be there. I'll never let anyone hurt her.

I ease myself under the covers and move out an arms to wrap around her waist.

I'll be there for her when she wakes up.

* * *

She wakes with a start. I haven't slept that night. I don't need to sleep very much compared to a human anyway but the feelings I get from having her wrapped up in my arms is lethargic. It feels surreal. Being here with her.

I immediately start to hear her breathing start up and the terror resurfaces with a vengeance.

"Oomans like to be in control." I remember. "They don't like being restrained."

In response to that I immediately draw back my arms and edge away from her. I feel her breathing even out and her terror dissipate. It's replaced by an overwhelming amount of curiosity.

Things blur past after that. My names, her recognition, music; so much music... , friends, she like me. She _likes_ me. We sleep next to each other at night. She likes comfort. She wraps herself around me and snuggles in. Her breath fans across my skin and her hair tickles my face. She moves around a lot during the night. Twists and turns. Tosses around. She's beautiful when she sleeps. Her skin lights up and her face is peaceful. Her eyes are closed and the crazed look is gone.

I feed her when she's hungry. She's like a small child. I pick up small biteable pieces of food and wait for her to open her mouth so I can poke them inside. I watch her small pink tongue flicker out of the hot wet cavern of her mouth and her teeth (so much duller than my own) playfully nip my fingers. It a routine that I'm glad and grateful for. She's calmer during those few stolen moments of sanity. I think while I watch her at night. I think more than I want to. I thank the powers that led her to me. Led me to my goddess.

I curse the same power in the same breath. She was not meant to love this life. She was not meant to be here and as I watch her hunt the few times we stop I know that's true. When I see her walk away from a successful kill; blood dripping from her own wounds and the creature's blood coating her features all I can wish for is that she doesn't loose what small piece of humanity she still has.

She is more damaged than I previously thought. Her eyes speak of horror even before her first kill and she cannot go for a few days with a bottle of c'tnlip. This just makes me love her all the more. She is not my broken ooman toy that I wish to fix. She is more than that. She is my goddess. She is everything to me. I don't care if she sometimes cries after she kills. I don't care if she eats the corpses of the things or even yaujta that she kills then throws up a ghastly mix of blood and tissue afterwards.

I don't care that she gets this maniacal crazy look on her face where her soft plump lips that she used to whisper promises into my skin curve up into a smile that shows too many teeth.

She knows who I a though. She never forgets me and I promise her never to leave her as she cries softly.

She is plethora of contradictions. Soft and pliant yet hard and unyielding. At once impossibly normal and the next unbearably insane. She is everything to me. A fact that she doesn't even understand yet.

* * *

Capture is unavoidable. My ship is fast but I don't notice the bad blood's ship until it's too late. I feel strangely calm as we are separated and led to different holding rooms. They don't chain me which is odd so I simply sit and try to organise my thoughts. In the distance I hear her laughing. The sound echoes through the ship. It's not a happy sound. It is menacing and insane. There's not much of her mind left and I don't want what little is still there to be destroyed. I know she can survive anything they throw at her. I just don't know what parts of her will survive.

When I start to hear her singing tunelessly I sigh to myself. So it has begun. I know she now has an infamous reputation around the galaxy. I know she is known. I know many are scared of her and even more are worried by her.

She is a mere ooman with more trophies than any skilled hunter. She killed an experienced elder with her bare hands. She drinks the blood of the yaujta. The whispers are faint but they are there. People are afraid of her and I know even these bad bloods aren't immune to fear. They will undoubtable question her. She unknowingly stands for much of what they believe in.

Killing and hunting.

I sigh as I lean my head against the wall. I hope she will still be okay by the end of this.

* * *

Killing my father is almost laughably easy. The leftover rage from seeing my goddess hurt fills my mind and I wonder at the ease it takes for me to ram his own spear into his chest. I don't say anything as he drops and the life drains from his eyes. It's strange I muse to myself as I slowly exit the room and follow the trail of bodies to her. I see broken bodies with their throat's torn out and bite marks littering their limbs.

I feel my eyes grown wet and are almost surprised to feel that I'm about to cry. I haven't cried since my mother died and even then it was simply one lone tear. My heart constricts as I think of her. I think of what might be left of my beautiful goddess and swallow thickly.

The bodies are never ending; falling out of rooms. Lying slumped in the hallways. I tried to cater to her whims. I was understanding and didn't flinch when she ate those yaujta back in our holding cell. I understand her and I think she understands me to. It's strange.

I don't even stop when I see her crying in the middle of a room surrounded by the dead and her own vomit. I swallow slightly as I sit down.

"There's no one left to kill!" I hear her wail as I sit down. She clutches at me and the insanity her jerky movements makes me wince.

I say the only thing I can think of to say in that situation.

"I killed my father. Sorry if you wanted him."

My ooman is getting better as the gaps between the words are becoming shorter.

I feel her shake as she sniffs slightly.

"Hold me."

I am all to happy to comply as I wrap my arms around her. I feel her drift off to sleep and pray to Paya that I will get my goddess back.

She becomes gradually more affectionate. She mumbles a sleepy "love you" to me before we go to bed every night and seems all too happy to cuddle and hug and wrap herself around me at every given opportunity. I don't complain as I think I need it almost as much as she does.

* * *

"I want her out."

Four words. Spoken in an unusually lurid moment. I want her out.

She wants "crazy" (as she calls her) out of her head. I hate crazy but love her t the same time. It's because of crazy that my ooman goddess has survived as far as she has. Without crazy she would have undoubtedly died a long time ago.

We arrive on the alien planet that is little more than a myth amongst my people. They greet me with probably more respect than I deserve and even need and they treat her like a queen. I can smell their fear as well as their respect.

As she walks off to start the procedure she says her customary "love you". My heart burns as I feel like saying something back.

"Love you more." I whisper to her and I barely have time to register the shock in her eyes as she is led away.


	19. The poor bugger's testicles

"Ouch." I wince internally.

Hul'tah seems to agree and the arms he has around my waist tightens considerably.

I don't think Crazy was thinking "ouch". I don't think she was thinking ouch at all. I watch as she stalks the other member of the ring who's ear she's already torn off. I feel for him. I really really do.

After all; he's only ten feet tall with about as much muscle as Chuck Norris and The Hulk combined. This will go really really badly for them.

I watch in a strange sort of horrified fascination and Crazy leaps into the air to tackle them to the ground. What? How can this tiny five foot three creature weighing about a hundred and twenty five pounds knock The Chuck Norris Hulk to the ground? Physics is against it. But the audience is all for it.

The seedy occupants of this fight club erupt into cheers. I feel like I'm in some sort of Star Wars knock off. Seedy bar full of aliens. Fight ring in the middle. Fights going on...

Anyone can volunteer for the fights. Anyone can go "oh yes! Me me me me!" and the fights aren't all exclusively "you loose you die".

Most of the time it's a kind of "you loose you get knocked out and your money stolen" kind of thing. There aren't any rules against killing though (who am I kidding, there aren't any rules. Period.) so Crazy is about to take full advantage of that. I watch as she harshly twists to man's neck to the side and I wince again as it shatters. The cracks are audible and my completely sane crazy free brain is doing a bad job of taking it. Hul'tah seems to realise and draws me even closer to him. I want to smile up at him but I've got a mask hiding my face and a floor length cloak hiding just about anything else so I settle for patting his arm.

Nobody knows that Crazy has a twin (or rather clone). And we'd (by we I mean me and Hul'tah. Crazy doesn't give a flying fuck about anything that has nothing to do with fighting. Or killing. Actually; killing may be a top priority for her.) like to keep it that way. This way Crazy can be me and she can go off being insane and killing people and generally generating even more of a relationship than she already has. That way me and Hul'tah can keep a low profile. It also has the added benefit that if anyone bumps into me in a dark alley way I won't have to try and fight them off (it would be a disaster considering that every ounce of fight just bled out of and right into crazy the minute she was born. Or grown...). They probably would just run away. Apparently Crazy isn't the kind of person that you would want to meet in a dark alley way. (As if I didn't already know that.)

Oh look! Crazy's coming over.

"Nobody else wanted to fight." She mutters.

I can see the whole bar staring at us and hope that my cloak and mask is scary enough.

"I wonder why." I mutter.

She flashes me a brilliant grin and links an arm through mine. Sometimes it's like she's not even criminally insane with psychotic tendencies.

I can feel the whole bar warily waiting for her to eat my head. Or just rip my arms off. Whatever comes first to her.

But being the lovely person that she is that doesn't happen and instead she simply skips me out of the bar with Hul'tah at my other side like some sort of secret guardian angel (only not so secret and I prefer his mandibles to wings any day).

* * *

"That was a good fight." Crazy announces unexpectedly. She picking dried blood out form under her fingernails and my stomach swoops.

"There goes lunch." I mutter as I rise to unsteady feet.

Watching Crazy fight is probably one of the most traumatic things ever. Especially since she looks exactly like me. Only a version that constantly seems to be covered in dried alien blood. Her hair is pretty matted too come to think of it.

Hul'tah is piloting and seems blissfully unaware of my rapidly disappearing appetite. Gosh, I love that guy. Or man. Or yaujta. He's like the most amazing thing in the whole universe wrapped up in Haribos and dunked in vodka. Yum yum. I stare at him dreamily for a few more minutes before deciding to turn back to Crazy.

"What do you think your gonna do when we reach The Arena."

I pronounce the words "The Arena" with a sense of trepidation mixed with pride. Only people who are invited can fight at The Arena. It's apparently huge with enough seating for over a hundred thousand people (or rather; alien things).

So far Crazy's gotten forty-nine invitations. That's not insane at all. Nope, no siree. The super exclusive fighting club who only ever send out one invitation per universe renowned fighter sent Crazy enough to use as wall paper. Not weird at all.

Crazy didn't want to go at first; not until she's completely demolished the fight circuit around the scrap heaps and put the fear of mentally insane humans into everyone.

She sustained enough injuries to warrant her own lovely collection of scars. You can't expect to fight every universe renowned douschebag out there and not be prepared to get at least one small gash. She also refuses to bathe which I think terrifies some of her victims (I mean opponents) even more. Nothing like a girl covered in blood getting ready to eat your face while you quake in you space boots.

"Hmm..." She honestly seemed to be considering my question. Must've been the first bout of thinking since... well. Since her creation; I suppose. (Getting serious frankenstein vibes here.)

"I think we can separate and I'll go and fight and stuff and you guys can go on your merry way."

I blinked. Well that was unexpected.

"Wait... You're leaving?"

Wow. Wow and pow in a sack.

Crap in a sack.

Crap in a flaming sack.

She nodded. "Yeah. I think it'll be fun."

Well, time to encourage her because a) it's not like I could stop her if I tried and b) maybe this means I can stop wearing the mask because that thing is really itchy and I really think it's starting to break me out. There's nothing like synthetic materials plastered to your face for most of the day to make the pimples start creeping out. Plus it's sweaty and in short gross.

"Must wash face." I mumble to myself. These breakouts are turning me into a crazy person.

Crazy nods, "There's a big one on your nose."

I immediately bring a hand up to my nose. Damnit! I don't have time for this!

I look enviously at Crazy's blood covered surprisingly clear skin. This is not on.

"I'll go and kill people and I'll come and find you guys when I've had my fill."

My mind flashes to Crazy boarding our ship while we're asleep to "find" us and looming over me while I die silently.

I gulp.

"You'll call ahead right?" I ask weakly.

She throws back her head and lets out an insane crazy laugh that makes me feel as though my head's about to explode.

Hul'tah looks back concernedly and I feel like going over and kissing his mandibles off. I don't even know if he _can_ kiss but I'm sure we cold work something out.

I swallow thickly and try to tamper down my growing lust.

Crazy just stares at me confusedly and I can see Hul'tah giving me strange looks too.

Holy shite. I can't deal right now. I'm going to have a Britney Spear's level mental breakdown. I'm just about to shave my head and attack people with umbrellas.

Then I realise something. Holy crap in a flaming sack... Me and Hul'tah are going to be alone. Together. (At least after Crazy leaves.) Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

What am I gonna do? We still sleep in the same bed but I think he thinks of it as a kind of platonic thing and the fact that we can hear Crazy wandering around the ship, acting like a complete maniac, sort of puts a damper on any kind of romantic thoughts that we may be harbouring. In fact; I'm not even sure he has any idea that I constantly think along the lines of "oooooooh... yummmy..." whenever I see him. This would almost be laughable. Actually; not almost. This is laughable. Gosh; we could be a reality TV show. Days of our alien lives. The aliens. House of aliens. Keeping up with the alines. Deep space. Eh, I kind alike that one.

I look back at Crazy. At her blood covered funky smelling body. At her face that looks a lot like mine; disturbingly enough. At her wide grin. I feel a sudden rush of maternal warmth (or terror) as I realise that this insane being sitting in front of me is essentially my child.

I gulp.

It's time for her to fly the nest.

* * *

The Arena is supa de dupa exclusive. You can tell by the million and one bouncers. Getting in is like trying to buy Vodka without an ID from Waitrose. Not gonna happen buster.

The second they catch side of Crazy, Hul'tah and my masked and cloaked arse they practically bodily pick us up and throw us in.

Crazy starts throwing some of her invites at them just for fun and bearing her teeth and laughing happily as the many big, strong, muscular looking guards just turn away and shudder in terror. I think she may be in a good mood.

* * *

It's a big fight tonight and me and Hul'tah (a.k.a the alien of my dreams. The one who I want to spend the rest of my life with cuz he's the sweetest little mofo in all the universe.) get front row seats. I can see that pretty much everyone is staring at us. This would be fine if I didn't feel so self conscious about my acne. I'm a teenage girl for christ's sake and the fact that I can feel my many spots throbbing under my annoying pvc mask just doesn't help anything. God, was this how The phantom of the Opera felt? Well; I make a solemn vow right now that I will never sing his hilarious theme song without the upmost reverence ever again.

Back to the staring bit.

The fact is me, Crazy and Hul'tah are like the three musketeers. Okay; take it back. We're nothing like those lovely people. We're like the Devil and his awesome band of ragtag weirdos in The Master and Mararita. I would be Behemoth obviously (because a giant black cat who walks on two legs and has a moustache is totally my calling). Um... I'm not sure about the others. I suppose Crazy could kinda be Hella. But Hul'tah? He's too perfect...

Would you listen to me?

I sound like some crazy rom-com queen. Yes, I want to have sex with Huk'tah (awkward...) and spend the rest of my life with him and even have his space babies and whatnot but to be honest I am an extremely virginal virgin. I gave head once and we all know how that went. Crazy spewed man-hating crap at me for the better part of puberty and to be honest Hul'tah is the only guy I can look at without the inescapable fear of rape. After all; there are worse things than death.

I looked up again and studiously ignored the other annoying sadistic Arena watchers as they looked Crazy over. She was wearing some denim shorts (mine) and this loose tank top that was made of silk (mine again; plus this one was Ted Baker. Ah well; all in the name of a good fight). As usual she was covered in blood and her hair looked matted and well; bloody...

She looked like she was in a good mood though. And the guy she was about to fight looked about ready to shit his pants so all in all everything was good. I snuggle dup to Hul'tah. But discretely of course since all the annoying gawkers were still gawking.

Gingerly, as Crazy began the fight, I decided to bring up our future together (it wasn't nearly as cray cray as it sounds. We were having a lovely discussion together).

"Well, Crazy's leaving soon." I murmured to him. Making sure to keep my voice at bearly a whisper.

Hul'tah hmmed slightly and drew me even closer to him. The crowd of nosy people who can't mind their own business were too busy staring at Crazy singing happily as she kicked the crap out of some poor sucker.

"Will you stay?" He asked. His voice was all quiet and slightly sad mixed in with one huge spoonful of apprehension.

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked. "You expect me to stay with Crazy? She scares the bejeesus out of me! Plus I can't fight."

I shot a pointed look at him but he seemed to caught up in whatever he was thinking to notice.

He hugged me even tighter for a second.

"Love you." He whispered as Crazy kicked the poor bugger's testicles off.


	20. Coming full circle

"Do you think I could ever go back to Earth?" I mumbled against Hul'tah's shoulder. I felt him twist slightly to face me better.

I wriggled away from his warmth and sat up.

He gave me a long look; eyes that had always intrigued me watched every emotion flit across my face closely.

"Do you want to?" He finally asked. His English really was getting a lot better.

I thought about it. I drew my knees up to my chest and rested my head against them. I leaned my cheek against my left knee and thought.

"I don't know." I replied honestly. "Bad things happen on Earth." I recalled countless murders, rapes, wars and the like in my fourteen years on the planet. Of course bad things happened out in space too but at least I had Hul'tah. "I don't miss much. My parents are gone..." To be honest back on Earth I was probably gone too. I remembered the house I had set on fire. I couldn't think about my parents dead bodies yet. That was a wound that was too raw. Just scabbing over and me picking at it would get the blood flowing again. "My friends will continue with life."

It was the truth. My friends would keep going. All the people in my life would probably be sad for a while then they would keep going. People don't get very sad about each other to be honest. People deal with it then move on. People are resilient. People don't have the same sense of deeply engrained honour as the yaujta. I'm not yaujta. I'm really not. Not even close. My fighting side was created as a defence mechanism from a broken mind; a mind that had seen her parents dead, fought for her life and been whisked away from her planet all in the same few hours. It's a mind that was gently nursed with alcohol and violence and left to sit.

That's Crazy. That's who Crazy is

Penelope is all Penelope now.

Not that Crazy was ever too different from Penelope. She was the dark side of human nature that nobody on Earth wanted to acknowledge. Serial killers, mad scientists, PTSD suffers, soldiers... anyone who enjoyed the violence. They call it madness on Earth. The strange Silence of the Lambs Anthony-Hopkins-esque madness. Cold and calculating. Pushed past the boundaries of the human mind. Too smart for this. Too smart for you. To violent. Too big a lust for blood.

There are some things doctors can't fix.

"I wouldn't fit back on Earth." I added thoughtfully. "I don't know how long I've been out here but I could never go back there completely."

I shook my head contemplatively, I had lost most of Crazy's defining characteristics but there were some things that were all mine,

"Back to people who scream when they find a dead mouse. Back to a place where murder is considered the worst crime. Back to a world where I have no control over my own future."

Was that an exaggeration? Was I exaggerating?

What would I do back on Earth? Spend a few months in rehab and a hospital before being officially adopted by an Uncle or an Aunt. Then I would go back to school; work really hard because I would be very behind. Not drink as much. Go to university. Get a job and would that be it? Would I get a boyfriend? I stiffened at the thought. Crazy wasn't the only man-hater. I thought back to Earth. To humans. A politically driven species who fought with each other like squabbling children.

They hadn't earned the right to the universe yet. They hadn't yet earned the right to the vast expanse of stars and planets. They hadn't yet earned the right to the vast variety of planets that housed species that would make most scientists drool.

They weren't there yet...

But had I? Had I earned the right to stay here. Stay with Hul'tah and travel the vast still expanding layers of our reality.

I looked hard at Hul'tah. He looked nothing like a human. Nothing like the husband I had never imagined myself with. But what right did I have to compare him to a human? None. Absolutely none.

I smiled at this point. Maybe I hadn't earned the right to the universe. But I was going to take it anyway. I was going to get up and take what was being practically offered to me. A future with someone who I could never have imagined or myself but was absolutely perfect anyway.

I was never going back there. I was never going back to Earth. I was never going back to the place where I had spent fourteen years of my life swimming in alcohol and regret.

"No." I said. I looked up at him. "I'm not going back there."

Hul'tah reached over to me and I gratefully scrabbled into his arms.

"I'm gonna stay with you." I answered him pretty matter of factly. "I'm gonna stay out here. Or rather in here." I giggled and I heard his rumble a laugh slightly. "Earth is the out now."

"Want you to stay." I heard him say to me.

"Well that settles it. I'm never leaving this luverly place ever again."

I turned up to see his face. He nodded down at me and clicked his crab-like mandibles in approval.

"I'm young." I tell him.

He looks at me in confusion.

"I'm young but I can make my own decisions. I can choose you and I just did. I've chosen you and I would be very very happy if you would choose me too."

He looks at me, eyes full of that emotion I could never place but I think I can now. I think he loves me. I think he might actually love me.

"Will you be my life mate?"

I stare in shock. Had I just been asked to be a life-mate? I don't know what that is but it sounds nice. Like marriage but only better. Like a real not-'til-death-do-we-part kind of love.

The word mate also has some ring to it. It's possessive and animalistic. Like the part of human nature that everyone is always afraid to embrace.

I belong to him and he belongs to me.

I look up at him and smile.

"Yes."

* * *

I gently stroke a finger down his arm. Gently. Oh-so gently. Trail it over his elbow. Our anatomy really isn't that different. I reach forward to gently stroke his face. He reaches over and similarly trails a finger tip over my cheek. That's what I love about him. He makes me feel special and cherished and simply _loved_. I love him. I think the whole fucking universe knows that by now.

I fucking love him. He's perfection.

"I love you." He tells me. I'm still sitting on his lap and I looks up at him and if he's looking properly I'm sure he can see what I'm feeling. That my whole body feels as though it's been lit from within. That I'm sure my face is glowing and I'm glowing and I don't mind because I love him I love him I love him so _fucking _much and I would never trade this for anything.

"I love you too."

And it's the truth and I'm pretty sure Elizabeth and Darcy and Edward and Bella and no other little duo in any book or movie or even in anyone's imagination could have even a _smidgeon_ of what we have.

I'm so loved up right now I feel like I could just drift off and float up towards the stars.

So when is hand begins to ghost over my neck and slowly downwards towards my breasts I don't give it a second thought. I would have screamed. I would have cried and jumped and twisted and and run but this is Hul'tah and I'm here and I'm _comfortable._

I don't care anymore. I'm not scared. I'm _ready. _And that's the point? I think I'm now fifteen but I'm still too _young._ But for a girl who's been on her own and made her own decisions for far too long I should know when I don't like something because I've spent the better part of my life wasting away on things I don't like. But I know one thing and that's that this feel okay. And I think I might be okay. And right now I feel okay.

So when he gently lays me down on the bed and reaches forward I beat him to it. There goes my blouse buttons. Button one. Button two. Button three. All the way down.

Because he doesn't care how short my skirt is. And even if he does he does a damn good job of hiding it.

Because this feel okay. And I think I'm going to be okay.

So reach up to caress his chest softly as he gently places whisper soft touches along my collarbone down to the tops of my breast which aren't hidden inside my bra.

He ghosts over them and drifts back up. Continuing a tantalising cycle that leaves goosebumps in his wake.

But for the first time in my life I want more. I want more touch. I want more than this.

I reach back to unhook my bra. It's a pretty Victoria's Secret push-up. I wore this when I went cliff-jumping with him. It's funny actually. It's really funny actually.

Everything comes full circle and as he brushes the pad of a finger against a nipple I arch my back almost unnoticeably. This single move wasn't made for the cameras. This isn't for the cameras. This isn't a seductive move. All gasps and moans and "c'mon baby c'mon". This is _real._ This is _real._ And I love it.

I gasp as his moves even lower. Brushing the area above the one that's currently throbbing not too unpleasantly.

When he finally does reach to the juncture of my thighs and gently brush a finger over the area and I nearly scream. I want more. I always want more. I'm greedy but I'm not ashamed. I'm not ashamed because I love him and I think he loves me too and that means that it doesn't matter. That nothing matters and we can be together and know everything about each other and nobody gives a damn. Or at least I don't. I don't give a damn about what we're supposed to be. I just care about him.

So when I'm naked and he can see everything about me I don't care and when he pushes inside me and I'm too tight and he has to use his fingers and his tongue to bring me up enough to fit himself inside I don't mind.

Then he's inside me and I can feel him and _oh-gosh_ he's so big and I feel so full and over-stuffed and this is my first time and I'm so glad my first time's with him but it still hurts and I whimper a little but then he moves and I think I'm going to be okay because I can feel the sparks of pleasure and he's panting and if I can reduce my normally calm collected baby to a panting mess then I guess I must be doing something right and I'm proud and it doesn't matter that nobody tells you how much it hurts and that I feel sore and I don't have enough natural lubrication for good enough friction and my body's not ready because he loves me and I love him and I want to give this to him because it means something.

Right?

Well, it's supposed to mean something I think.

But it does because everything's worth seeing that beautiful rapturous expression on his face with his mandibles all slack when he finally finds release inside of me.

I don't feel powerful.

I don't feel dirty.

I feel like me.

So I reach up as the last of his erratic thrusts that drove him towards the finish line die out and he's a panting mess on top of me and I have to wriggle myself out of him.

It's messy and I'm still bleeding slightly and I'd have bruises on my breasts and arms and legs from where he was gripping me and there's a bite-mark on my shoulder and I feel really really sore but it's worth it because I just gave him that. I just gave him something that required complete trust and I love him so so so so much and when he crawls over to me he doesn't do one of those stupid things where he blames himself for the bruises and bite marks and blood. Instead he curls me up gently into his arms. My breasts press against his chest and the throbbing between my legs has turned into a gentle thrum that makes me proud to feel it.

I'm a woman.

I'm a fucking woman now.

And as he leans down and gently brushes his mandibles over my face I realise that this isn't about all of that. This wasn't sex. This was love and trust and everything wrapped up together and I've come a long way from the girl who took that business man's coat.

So I look up at him and smile.

Crazy's out there and beating the absolute shit out of some poor bugger. My friends are carrying on with life. My parents' ashes are scattering in the wind. The clan ship will keep going and the people that I've met along the way with live on.

This wasn't a coming of age thing.

This was just a simple act of coming full circle.

So I look up at Hul'tah and he looks down at me and I reach up and kiss a mandible and l love him so so so so so much and I'm a fifteen no-longer virgin who's met the love of her life and knows what it really means to trust someone completely.

I snuggle closer to him and he rumbles a purr that makes my eyes grown heavy.

It was just the simple act of coming full circle.


End file.
